It’s been so long since we’ve had one! Time for the good readers of SNTC to put on their comedy caps and see whose funny caption for the following image reigns supreme over the rest:

I think this one is pretty much filled with potential. Once a good number of submissions have been, ah, submitted below in the comments, I’ll round them all up and let you vote on your favorite!

Have at it!

My internship asked me to make some viral videos featuring students from my university. Now…you know as well as I do that it’s pretty impossible to actually purposefully make a viral video. Viral videos are viral because they are total accidents.

However, I think mine turned out fun at least, and so I thought I’d share.

The real joke there is that “Panburger Partner” actually exists.

Pretty standard prank stuff.

And finally, this video has some frustrated swearing, so I’d advise young people and people at work/school to avoid this one for the time being…

I had to cut out so much waxing to make the time limit on this one. Nearly a whole hour of pain, when uncut.

You can see these videos, other videos by me, and tons of other university-related fun at Unigo.com.

…His own. This man decided to make history in the most depressing way he could.

He sat in front of his television for 72 hours. 72. That’s a long time. That’s three solid days.

Not what this guy was doing

But that’s not the kicker! The kicker isn’t that a man decided to enter the book of world records by sitting on his rear end – no. That would be a motivational story, a triumph, at the very least an interesting story.

Not what this guy was doing.

No. This man already held this record. There was no reason for him to sit again in front of a screen for days and nights on end again. He was already there.

Not this guy

what moves a person to say, I watch so much tv I’m in a book for it. Let’s see if I can watch even more tv.

You know what? I’m going outside.

I woke up yesterday morning with a song in my heart and an ambition on my mind; to document my day for your amusement. I figured, surely I must be up to something interesting today, right?

You want to know how I spent my whole day yesterday?

What should have been an hour’s project, tops, consumed all my day and made me wholly uninteresting. Just take that image and copy it a couple times and you’ll be as sick of my day as I was.

The point of 24 hour comics day was to announce my desire to bring comics and drawings back to Say No To Crack! I think it’ll be fun, and at least a little funny sometimes! I’m sorry things pan out the way they do.

As for what project was keeping me occupied all day, I’ve scored a video internship at Unigo.com, a relatively new site that should prove very useful to the prospective college student. I’m even in one of the videos I made (just good luck finding it, I guess).

And now for something hilarious (it’s better if you’ve seen this):

After a long day, this made me laugh out loud, most of all “Watch out! He’s heavy!” and the last line.

Well, the secret of February 1st was Hourly Comic Day! I was going to participate in hourly comic day and post the results for you tomorrow, February 2nd, right here at SayNoToCrack!

But, wouldn’t you know it, I’d be sick all day and that would be the most boring 24 hours of comics ever!

Tuesday’s comics will probably not be done in mspaint, and also probably will not be in color

So instead I’ll be documenting every hour of my life on February First and posting the resulting comics here on Tuesday the 3rd. Sorry for the continual delays, but I’m sure you can all find something to do with your time.

How to Make Yourself Happier with TV

TV is another one of those media that permeate our entire existence. How can we get along with TV and maintain a happy life?

Step 1: Stop watching TV

Haha, no but seriously.

…you’re not going to stop, are you. Fine then!

Step 1 alternate: Stop watching so much TV

Better? No? Well forget you!

Step 1 alternate alternate: Stop quoting the TV you watch

Good enough for you? I’m looking at all those schmucks who see something hilarious and have to quote it all the time. This is how genuinely funny groups like Monte Python get run into the ground, by turning something random and creative into something predictable and tiresome. It’s also how you lose friends.

A quote now and again is okay, but if I hear the phrase “That reminds me of this one time on Family Guy” more than three times a night, I sure as heck won’t be inviting you around again.

Fewer invites to fun means more time to sit on the sofa and watch TV. Do you see the vicious circle? Break it. It turns out people don’t want to be friends with someone with the personality of a television. They have televisions for that.

Step 2: Imagine all the Teen TV Shows Were Written As Jokes

Am I the only one made ill by those shows? Those shows with the 27-year-old seniors in high school who evidently have no parents and nothing to do but break the law and make each other miserable? Sometimes the very existence of shows like these can depress people. I mean, just look at their plots! Pretty…laughable, right? Something funny about them. I think it would make everyone feel better if these shows were just the height of ironic parody.

Hah! Ahahahahahahaha! Oh, man, that’s precious. What short of comedy genius could pull this off with a straight face?

No, it’s not serious. It’s a giant joke. Heck, do yourself one more favor and imagine all its raving fans get the joke, and staunchly keep it up, just for even more laughs. They know how silly it is, they’re just playing along.

Also you should stop being friends with those people.

Step 3: Don’t watch the Disney Channel

If I have to tell you why, it’s already too late.

I was going to continue the Guide to Happiness today – instead I will do so tomorrow and entertain you today with this.

How do I know Lolcats have jumped the shark? They have there very own terrifying music video.

Enjoy your nightmares. Thanks, rathergood.com.

I thought I might write a SNTC guide to Winter, just as I wrote the Summer Guide so many months ago, but I changed my mind. The Winter guide may arrive, but there’s really not a great deal to do in the winter but be cold and miserable. So, I thought instead it would be more appropriate to assemble a SNTC guide to Not Being Miserable, or in short, Being Happier.

Chapter 1: How To Make Yourself Happier with Internet

The internet is a big part of many people’s lives! Many people find themselves in the dumps this time of year; here’s how to change your internet habits to make yourself happier:

Step 1: Get off the internet.

Go on! Shoo! You’ll be glad you did!
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…No? Not going? Well fine then.

Step 1b: Imagine everyone is being facetious

It’s very, very easy to get yourself worked up on the internet. This guy disses your favorite movie, this Facebook Group loves what you can’t stand, this website called your hero a jerk…it’s very stressful to be online these days. So here’s a nice tip for staying happy on the internet: it’s all fake.

this doesn’t have to be you

Say it to yourself. Nobody honestly believes that, say, a tiger is breaking God’s holy law. It’s all just a bunch of sillies being tongue-in-cheek about a fun story! Haha! Oh, that sarcastic humor.

It just makes you smile, doesn’t it. Don’t ever, even for a moment, imagine anyone means anything they say on the internet. It’s all just a big game, and the only way to win is to enjoy it all.

Step 2: Imagine Youtube Commentators are Charity Driven

Bear with me here. If you want the thickest, stupidest, most difficult to laugh about worthless trash on the internet, it’s to be found in the comments of Youtube. Grammar tossed aside, spelling trampled underfoot, common sense and decency do not exist.

Unless…imagine that, for every evil post you see on a Youtube comment page…that commentator donated $1,000 to charity. Sure, you sort of wish you could dig your hands through the very tubes of the internet and strangle some dumb kid who thinks the world wanted to read his garbage on Youtube…but then, if you allow yourself to believe that, immediately after posting that, he donated a grand to a worthy charity…it’s hard to stay mad. Sure, he might be a classifiable idiot, but at least he’s doing good where it counts, you know?

Just try it. Your blood pressure will thank you.*

Step 3: Stop Reading the News

Just…don’t. The internet doesn’t check its sources, the internet doesn’t care if it’s sensational. Just don’t even bother, okay?

Step 4: Stop Commenting

If you find yourself unable to complete the previous steps and are ready to fly into a desperate rage at *~~S4ss33grrl~~* for her horrible and close-minded criticism of whatever the heck you read/look at on this wide internet, don’t. Get up, make a sandwich, come back, and navigate away.

If you must, go back and read SNTC’s 5 Reasons Why Intelligent Debate is Impossible on the Internet. You won’t win. There is no win. Not here. Not on the internet.

Step 5: Keep that Safety Filter On

This is the final step for this chapter, and one you probably already know. When you google image search, keep the safety filter on.

Do you read fanboys, by the way? You should.

I know you’re only searching for pictures of lolcats or a silly comic or a movie poster. I know you’re not wanting to defile your mind. So just…keep it on.

Keep it on!

Tune in next time for Chapter 2 of SNTC’s indispensable Guide to Being Happier…

*Alternatively, next time you feel like commenting on Youtube (or anywhere), donate to charity instead. Make the myth come true.

Alright, alright, alright. After the first week of school, I only just now got my schedule all taken care of. I know, I know, apparently nobody on campus likes to do things like answer phones or be clear on the rules.

College kids – have a good advisor. Mine saved my butt today after a whole week of me freaking out.

And, while I know you don’t care, that’s why my (overhyped by now) new project isn’t up yet. And, furthermore, I’ve found a very good reason to put off the reveal until February First. Why February First? You’ll see when we get there!

In the mean time, I’ve been made to feel very behind the times by these videos:

If you know the song, it’s funnier. I don’t know how I’ve gone so long without seeing these, I’ve been informed by a few friends that they’ve been around a while.

Yet, several friends confessed they’d never seen any literal videos, and so just in case some of you reading out there haven’t these are the best two I’ve found.

And finally, (and you had to see this coming)…

And no, I’m not going to let SNTC become a video blog again, I’m just a little bogged down and holy cow would you look at those? I can’t not share.

Today is the first day of the new semester for me. Hopefully in the next 24 hours I’ll be able to unveil that new feature I’ve been talking about trying out. Right now I’m just worried about classes; specifically the kinds of classes that will have me busy from 10 this morning to 9:30 tonight.

Plus, you never know when your school will suddenly fill up with vampires.

“I can’t see you anymore, there are just too many vampires!”