His name is Jack, and as cute and friendly as he looks, apparently he keeps a dark secret.

This cat doesn’t satisfy himself by going out into the fields, killing mice and birds, then littering the tiny corpses across his owner’s lawn and porch. Nor is he content destroying sofas, carpets, and balls of twine. This cat has a hunger…for CRIME.

Jack doesn’t just go into his neighbor’s yards. He goes into their houses, and he makes away with their personal items. Underwear seems to be his top target, though he reportedly also has taken “hats, shorts and 27 pairs of gloves.”

If Jack were smart, he’d try his paw at maybe some jewelry or a television set, but whatever floats his boat I guess.

Countdown until the owner realizes the crafty potential of this potential partner in crime.

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks for me here at SNTC headquarters. I’m going to be graduating in a little over a month and getting another year tacked onto my age shortly after that. While I watch time spiral out of my hands like so many grains of Parmesan cheese after accidentally sneezing them off the top of your pizza, I’ve been amusing myself by digging through my old junk and wishing I weren’t so old already.

Among the poorly packed-up papers and souvenirs I came across a program from a community play I’d gone to years ago. Memories flooded back, not of the play, but of the mystery surrounding the logo of the Illinois Art Council. We discovered this logo while glancing over the program; we discovered not only that Tzaichovsky was not mentioned anywhere (it was a production of the Nut Cracker), but also this.

It’s a logo, featuring a strange silhouette over what seems to be a black magic carpet.

But what is it? We puzzled throughout the entire evening over what the thing could possibly be. Think you know? Look again. Figured it out yet?

I was at a total loss, but I asked around. When I asked my friends what the image could be, I received several theories, but these four were recurring:

1. We thought that it might be a cat, with no arms, sitting on a pedestal, with a feather behind its ear, while its face explodes.

boom

2. Then we thought it might be a cat with no arms (front legs, whatever), a feather behinds its ear, and a fish in its mouth, thus.

Ahm nom nom

3. Then we took it in another direction and thought it might be a one-winged flying snail, in the midst of a take-off (notice the white “whoosh” of air beneath it).

highly unlikely

4. Then again, it might be an optical illusion much like the two faces/vase thing. So we re-focused our eyes, and lo! we found we were looking on two people with enormous chins, the one on the right with a poor dental situation obviously trying to harm the woman on the left, who in self defense is blowing snot into her attacker’s face…see for yourself.

No.

Ultimately, after all my asking around, the internet proved to have the answer. And it’s not nearly as cool as I should have liked it to be.

It just goes to show you: knowledge is boring.

Even to horses.

In the UK, a friendly horse named Pandora is suffering for no apparent reason other than nature just really, really, really likes being a gigantic jerk 100% of the time.

This horse is allergic to grass. Grass.

Grass.

It’s bad enough being a human with allergies. But if we’re allergic to peanuts or eggs or cats we have technology on our side to help build up the perfect sheltered lifestyle to fit our individual needs. However, a horse being allergic to grass is basically like me being allergic to electric-generated light sources or the hum of a refrigerator or sound.

Pandora can’t go grazing in the field with the other ponies. Pandora can’t even go walking in the field without wearing a full-body anti-grass horse suit.

Nope.

So thanks, nature, for causing another completely pointless problem. And you know what else? It’s been in the sixties all week but tonight we’re expecting six inches of snow. Snow in late March The daffodils were just blooming, nature! JUST BLOOMING.

GAH.

So I’ve been on spring break. But I’m back now, with this informational video to warm your hearts and apologize for the absence.

I personally always wanted to know how to wear a coffee table. Now I do.

…just barely. Sorry, guys, I’ve been out with a nasty flu-turned-fever-turned-sore thoat-turned-cold-turned-cough. But I’ve been thinking of you, and until I’m able to function like a human again, I thought I’d give you this.

It’s a present.

Actually, it’s me, asking you guys to do me a huge favor. I’m on all kinds of medicine right now; is this for real? Is Chuck Norris honest to goodness planning to run as President of Texas?

Somehow I want to believe this is a Nyquil dream; a silly hallucination that my feverish brain has cooked up after too much time on the internet. Chuck Norris for President?

President of Texas? When Texas secedes? I must be inventing this. The product of a fevered mind, right guys? Right? I mean, surely no has-been actor from that one TV show would be so hard up for attention he’d start making claims to run for non-existent political positions and broadcasting more uncertainty in uncertain times, right? That’s just silly.

I’m going back to bed.

Are you going to be watching The Watchmen? It’s supposed to be pretty epic from what I understand.

Seriously, though…I’ll probably just rent it.

Well, here is our image and the winning caption:

“…And a 6.8 from the Spanish Judge.”

That was from Brian O.! Congrats!

The SNTC’s Editor’s Favorite was: “This is how God plays darts.” By Drew.

And the winner of the coveted I-showed-up-late-but-at-least-I-was-hilarious Award goes to Timbotron for “Two words: Ground Beef”

Thanks everyone who submitted, everyone who voted, and everyone who did neither.

While you guys are voting it up over at the caption contest, I thought you’d appreciate this moving picture to entertain you:

This is made by the same people who created the VAMPIRES trailer a while back. Vampires then zombies. Mummies next I guess?

You guys have been inspired! This caption contest has some of the best submissions I’ve seen in a while – great job everyone who has contributed!

Once again, here is the image:

And here are your captions:

1. DoubleAC: “Fernando immediately regretted saying the words “step it up” to Benny the Breakdancing Bull.”

2. Drew: “This is how God plays darts.”

3. Frobozz: “The little-known bull ballet was very popular, but putting a tutu on the bull soon lead to bull fights.”

4. canadave: “In hindsight, the Spanish attempt to revive disco probably should have been a little better thought out.”

5. Gondor: “Mommy… if I plant a bull, will it grow little bulls?”

6. Blaze: “If Red Bull gives you wings… Black Bull gives you… dance moves??”

7. Mike: “Look Ma, no hands!”

8. Jeremy: “YOU GOT SERVED SUCKER!!”

9. Brian O: “…And a 6.8 from the Spanish Judge.”

10. Blaine Hag: “Moments later Benny the bull took a surprised Eduardo’s back and sumitted him via arm bar.”

11. benjiroo: “Messenger Pigeon Service experiments with Messenger Bulls” “Feche la vache!”

12. benjiroo: “In agriculture tonight, cattle everywhere are head over heels for McDonald’s proposed veggie-burger menu item. Story at 11.”

13. benjiroo: “In this Spaniard variation on the Italian game of Bocce, players try to land or roll the bull as close to the matador as possible.”

Vote for your favorite by submitting its assigned number in the comments section below!

It’s been so long since we’ve had one! Time for the good readers of SNTC to put on their comedy caps and see whose funny caption for the following image reigns supreme over the rest:

I think this one is pretty much filled with potential. Once a good number of submissions have been, ah, submitted below in the comments, I’ll round them all up and let you vote on your favorite!

Have at it!