So. A couple people decide they want to steal some candy from a candy shop after hours. They break the window and enter, fill their pockets and child’s stroller with hundreds of dollars worth of candy, then leave.

Here’s where it’s worse. Remember the cornflake lady? These guys take the same route, only instead of inexplicable, it’s more completely stupid.

They left a trail of candywrappers. This is seriously like something out of the Boxcar Children or something, this seems like Scooby-Doo ought to be the one handling this mess.

“Oh no! Someone has stolen hundreds of dollars worth of candy (instead of hundreds of dollars of money to spend on candy and other things, for whatever reason)! How will we ever catch them!”
“Wait a moment! Keep your eyes peeled…what clues can you spot?”
“Why…of course! Candywrappers! Someone this greedy for candy could not have helped themselves from eating a bit! If we follow these wrappers, we’ll find the suspects!”
“Right you are! Let’s get moving!”

It’s just…depressing. And frankly, I’m less upset by the fact that they dragged the poor baby into their web of crime, than I am by the fact that they just…threw the wrappers on the ground! Incriminating evidence aside…don’t they understand how useful candy wrappers can be? I mean, just have a look!

A fancy dress!

Or, if that’s too formal, a stylish jacket!

And, since she’s dedicated to making her baby do everything she does, baby clothes!

Pair that up with matching accessories, like this clutch (or, if those are too hard for you to keep track of, a bag).

Or, for more subtlety, a bracelet.

Seriously, people! Don’t be so wasteful! That’s the real crime of this story!

So! One year! I’ve been posting here at SayNoToCrack for a whole year now, and I must say, it’s been a load of fun and I’m looking forward to more.

Lessons I’ve learned in my year at SNTC:

LOLanimals never stop being awesome to some people (like me).

Apparently there are people who, unlike me, don’t feel awesome about watching a ton of internet videos.

Disliking the Newsboys is the same as liking obscene rap music. Whaddaya know.

People may not have the time to read an entire post, but they sure as heck have the time to post a comment letting you know that they don’t have time to read your entire post.

A post about meat hats is just fashion forward enough to have people asking you to link to their fashion website.

Gday,

Noticed that this page on your site had a lot of useful resources on clothing.
[link]

Would you consider including [my fashion website] link?

It could serve as a useful link since it has some relation to the page.*

A person may post and ask me to contact them, but they’ll still give me a false e-mail address to prevent all the SPAM I’m not sending nor even know how to send.

People who read this are clever, clever fiends.

Thanks for making the year good clean fun, everybody. Happy springtime for those northern-hemisphereans out there! I have a 10 page paper to be writing!

*I haven’t written him back. Not entirely sure what to say.

Parody is comedy gold. Nothing is quite as funny as a well-executed satire. And there are few targets quite as fun as Public Service Announcements. Here’s a handful of my favorite PSA videos to be found on the internet.

#1 -Snuggling. I like this, it’s a clever idea…they just took it waaaay too long.
What if they hog the blanket?

#2 - Cooties. I love this one because of nostalgia.

#3 - Guns don’t kill people. The Undead do.

#4 & #5, Lowcarbcomedy. These guys’ humor isn’t always clean enough for SNTC, but their PSAs always make me smile.

Yeah, like a Farm Silo.

BORN TO BE ALIVE.

#4

Right now I’m having trouble just organizing my closet for spring cleaning. I can’t even imagine the trouble it must take for these guys to organize their events so wonderfully.

Improv Everywhere has been around for a long time, so I’m not even going to pretend that this is hip and new. But it occurs to me that some of you may never have heard of them, and you deserve to be in the know.

Basically, a group of people, sometimes big, sometimes small, will act out a scene. Picture a flash mob, except awesome. With characters, storylines, and a whole heaping helping of tripping everyone out.

They’re like so many elaborate pranks you’ll find on the internet, but with an exception. They’re not aimed at anyone specifically; they’re aimed at everyone. And they aren’t mean spirited or meant to embarrass, but meant to make a person think and learn, reconsider the ordinary, and have a brighter day.

Or, just to make a group of people work together for a stranger.

They’ve done some incredible things and I’m going to encourage you all to take a while and read about some of their missions. Maybe some of you live nearby them and might want to be involved. For your pleasure, a video.

You should. You, you person reading this. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, unless you are this guy.

Shortened version? A man gets off the subway to enjoy a nice meal at his favorite diner. Suddenly a teenager with a knife demands his money. The man complies.

Then, as the teen leaves, the man stops him and as an afterthought, gives the kid his coat, too. You know, in case he had more people to rob that night. It was chilly I guess.

Then, not satisfied, he takes the kid out to dinner. He gets his wallet back, buys the kid’s knife for $20 and goes on his merry way.

I didn’t think anybody like this existed out of fairytales. Turns out they do exist. Maybe they’re from fairyland. But they put the rest of the species to shame.

Okay, okay, okay. I was sure that I was paranoid. I was sure it was just me.

But I’ve noticed in films with anything like an action scene, there’s always that one guy…with that one girly scream…and it sounds exactly the same in every movie. In my head and to my friends, I used to call him “screams like a girl man” and I could have sworn he showed up pretty much everywhere.

So imagine my triumphant delight when my friend sent me this video, proving to me that I was one hundred percent completely right.

WHAAAA!

A Texas man is under arrest for selling alcohol under the guise of it being a medicinal tonic…it’s life-healing benefits, however, might be contested by the dead rattlesnakes preserved in every bottle.

Unfortunately, medicine, beverage, or crazy snake potion, it’s not legal to sell alcohol without a license.

+ = $$$
It’s a brilliant plan, really

I love how the article describes the process through which this man makes the “medicine” (cheap vodka and a snake) and then describes how it tastes, followed by a quote from the man explaining how he’d never seen anyone actually drink it.

Well somebody must have on the writing staff, or we’d never know that it tasted like cough medicine (Which is funny to me because I think every alcohol tastes like cough medicine. He could have left the poor snakes out of it as far as I’m concerned).

Man…I’ll never know what possesses people to want to have anything to do with a liquid containing a dead, venomous creature.

Sometimes, you are faced with an emergency. Things are looking bad, and there’s only one number you can think to call. The emergency hotline, for these people, 911. Just a nice insight into the world of subjectivity, and what some people consider qualifies as an “emergency.”

I didn’t mean the police!

…But this isn’t the burger I asked for!

I think we might be dying.

I’ll think of something.

Outstanding Elephants. Why can’t this happen in my neighborhood?

That last one is just awesome.

ProfessorTom! Congratulations!

Here’s the picture and his winning caption:

“When the regular Physics instructor failed to appear, “Professor-in-a-Box” automatically inflated and took over the lecture.”

This was a great contest. You guys all had awesome submissions. They were so good. Round of applause for you!

There were a lot of great captions this time around. Pick your favorite now! Winner announcement happens after voting!

Here’s the picture:

Winner Chosen

VOTE.