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Archive for the 'Not News' Category

Soon showing a little crack could land you six months in jail in Delcambre, Louisiana. To ease the burden of deciphering the confusing new dress code, Mayor Carol Broussard showed the following slide at a town hall meeting:

Clothing options for town that said no to crack

Mayor Broussard had quite a bit more to say on the new law:

If you walk up and your pants drop, you get a fine. If someone pulls your pants down, you’ll get a fine. If someone shoots you in the rear and your pants fall down, you’ll get a fine. If you change your baby in public and I can see the baby’s butt crack, the baby will get a fine or sent to jail.

Look, it may seem harsh but it’s pretty simple – if men or women feel like they might accidentally show their assets, they should wear dresses.

Linkthanks to Jase over at about:blank for this bizarre news story!

As many of you have probably heard, President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin haven’t been on the best of terms since Bush announced plans to put the U.S. missile defense system in Eastern Europe.

To calm down the Russian President, Bush provided him a demonstration of the missile defense shield in action:

Bush’s Missile Defense Shield
“Unfortunately Vlad, this is just a prototype. In real tests we haven’t been able to achieve this level of success.”

werewolf

Photo: Max Sparber

Before you start reading, you should know that the Werewolf in the image doesn’t technically have anything to do with this story. I just like posts with pretty pictures.

40-year-old Robert Marsh had partially broken through the door of the woman’s apartment in the early hours of the morning on March 1, had grabbed the woman’s arm, and mentioned that he was a werewolf who ’had powers’. He had previously been staying in the woman’s flat, as he was homeless following his release from prison. The woman reported that over the previous few days, Marsh had been drinking quite a lot, and becoming steadily less coherent.

When he was arrested, Marsh informed the police that he was able to change his form.

There seems to be a connection between alcohol and turning into a Werewolf. Hmm… that’s not good. Perhaps you’ll soon see me howling and humping the leg of your local newscaster.

Source: Metro

By Critiker of Random Good Stuff

In appreciation for being called over 230 years old, Queen Elizabeth sent George W. Bush the following postcard:

Queen with monkey guard

In response, Bush has tasked the Defense Department with learning the secrets behind the the Brits’ Orangutan combat and guard training.

Thanks Jay!

In recognition of the ever widening American posterior, Florida officials are planning for the inevitable future by building the world’s largest toilet:

World’s Largest Toilet

I interviewed the manager of the Goldan Corral buffet across the street, who could barely subdue his excitement:

“From adding tableside troughs to widening our toilet stalls every two years, the Golden Corral does everything possible to serve the needs of our herd … er, I mean, guests.

But now with the opening of the world’s largest toilet across the parking lot, we can spend more time focusing on developing new entrees, such as twice fried frosted butter sticks, and less on extracting our patrons who often get stuck in our bathrooms.”

Don’t believe it’s real? Check out Google Maps.

via The Register

Pistol
The face of cold, steely sadness :(

A Wichita man was shot earlier this week…by a gun that was thrown in the trash. Luckily, the man was not killed, but his hand was injured when he accidentally hit the trigger of a pistol in the trash he was helping to unload.

So, next time you want to get rid of your gun: wait, think, and consider the gun. It has feelings too. And apparently it’s a hothead and will shoot you in your hand the second you abandon it. Please, think of the guns.

The Czech Republic has often been criticized for their environmentally unfriendly policies: no emission controls on vehicles, soviet era power plants, and the world’s highest per capita carbon emissions.

In a bid to become “greener”, the Czech Republic has introduced public transportation for their major cities. Here’s a picture of one of the new trains in action:

Czech Republic Brno Street Train

Looks pretty environmentally friendly, right? Here are a few more pictures:

Czech Republic Brno Old Train

Czech Republic Brno Transportation

Czech Replublic Brno Train

Actually, these pictures are of trains going through the Czech city of Brno. The city had planned on moving some of their train stations and tracks from the downtown area by 2017, but has since run out of money. With no other options, the trains continue chugging through this city of almost 400,000.

Thanks Rico for the Link!

China Building Evacuation Update

Homeowners Wu Ping and her husband refused to move or sell their home in Chongqing, China, despite governmental pressures. The recent eyewitness report from SNTC showed the shark infested moat created to coerce the Ping family to abandon their property.

Local authorities have since drained the moat, and have adopted new tactics. Ms. Wu is now being fined the equivalent of $500 per day for neglecting her front yard and violating the local “beautiful, natural, always” landscaping ordinance.

Last House on the Block Owner

Ms. Wu responds that although she attempted three times to reseed her front lawn with a St. Augustine and Kentucky Bluegrass seed mix, it all washes away when she puts the sprinklers out. “And the weeds are out of control too,” she adds “because I can’t reach them!”

More pictures can be seen at The Telegraph. Found via Arbroath.

We now have an exclusive update on the chinese family who refused to leave their home, even after it looked like this:

China House
(if you haven’t seen the original story, you can read it here)

Turns out that the local Chinese government has decided to turn up the heat. Here is a photo that we just took at daybreak this morning:

China Island Home Evacuation

I also had the rare opportunity to interview a local Chinese government official on the developing story. Here are his responses:

Anita: Sir, this photograph makes it look like you are trying to bully the owners out of their home.
Official: Not at all, we are trying to help them.

Anita: Huh? That’s seems rather far fetched, can you clarify?
Official: Oh yes, sorry. Two nights ago, after the news slipped past our censors, err, I mean … after the world learned of this family’s honorable stand, a large dam malfunctioned and flooded the work site. The family almost drowned.

Anita: It ONLY damaged this work site? And that’s why you installed a 50 foot deep drainage pipe in their exit path?
Official: Yes, it was quite a unique accident. Due to family ties, the government would not allow us to move the family, so we installed the drainage pipe. Our non-government affiliated contractors chose the location, there were no ulterior motives.

Anita: Then how do you justify the shark?
Official: Again, for their protection. The unprecedented media attention drew large crowds of people who were swimming to the family’s island to offer assistance. We cannot allow such disruption, so we flew in a Great White shark to fend off the crowds.

Anita: Wouldn’t this put the family’s lives at danger too? Why not at least give them a sturdy boat, or build them a bridge?
Official: Those are excellent questions. I’ll ask my superiors once we finish installing the electrified steps down to the row boat.

Original pic via Spluch

Las Vegas, Nevada (Strutts News Services) – After becoming a famous recording artist, Britney Spears has also become an authority on the ins and outs of drug rehabilitation facilities. Recently Ms. Spears realized that she has a higher calling, and now she’s a spokeperson combating female under-representation in the workforce.

With little fanfare, Britney shaved her head and joined the Blue Man Group to show by example that sexism can’t be tolerated, even in a theater rock band. Changing her name to “Spears Akimbo”, she has replaced Blue No. 2 and renamed the band “Blue Person Group”.

Blue Man Group with Britney

Ms. Akimbo (Spears) had no intelligible comment worth printing, but the original Blue No. 2 was despondent: “They wouldn’t even let me help paint her up.” Blue No. 3 was more optimistic: “This could work, if we could just get her to stop singing.”

A new video is scheduled for release the day after never.

Pic via Stereogum

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