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Archive for the 'Musings' Category

little superheroesIf you could have just one superpower, what would it be … and why? Leave a comment to let us know!

Personally, I would want to be immortal. Maybe that’s cheating … are there any superheroes that don’t age? Even Superman, the most powerful of the superheroes, gets older in the comics and movies. I always wondered if a 95 year old superman would still be so super, or just be really good in wheelchair races. Why don’t they make a movie about Superman coming out of retirement? Rocky is like 70 and is still trying to fight, so why can’t Superman? Maybe “Superman Returns from the Proctologist” just isn’t that catchy of a title, but it would probably be entertaining, particularly if he fought evil side by side with the Italian Stallion.

My reason for choosing immortality is that at some point we’ll probably invent gadgets for all the other super powers (possibly even immortality, but I wouldn’t want to risk the wait). I could then be kind of like an immortal version of Syndrome from The Incredibles, errr … well … except I wouldn’t be evil, or have really bad hair, or wear tights and a cape, and I also would probably have no inclination to take over the world … so basically nothing like Syndrome except for having lots of cool gadgets.

Maybe it’s not as cool to have x-ray vision goggles vs. eyes that just see through everything, but hey … I could only pick one superpower, plus I’ve been to nude beaches and found that most people are best left revealed. ๐Ÿ˜‰

(BTW – thanks to Diesel at The Mattress Police for entertaining and inspiring us with his superhero antics the past few days, and thanks to davebluedevil for the pic!)

Are you old enough to remember when it was common for women to faint? My great-grandmother would talk about how she used to faint all the time when she was younger. Also, when my grandfather would say something disagreeable she’d complain of feeling faint (at which point the argument magically stopped).

Apparently fainting was not reserved to my great-grandmother, but was quite common prior to the past couple of decades (at least according to reliable sources such as Readers Digest and Wikipedia … hey, at least it’s not the Enquirer). Some older women are even lamenting the lost art of fainting, and with it the loss of a powerful tool in the arsenal of manipulation tricks.

Despite all such rumors to the contrary, fainting is not a completely lost art form. A type of goat, appropriately called the fainting goat, faints whenever it gets startled. Here’s the video from Google:

(if you can’t see the video, click here)

OK ladies, so if you want to practice your fainting skills, just follow the goat’s lead:

  • Find a friend, preferably not your husband, to practice with
  • Stand in a field, make funny noises, and walk in a circle
  • Have your friend chase you around with a large opened golf umbrella until you faint

Once you have the knack for fainting, you can start removing some of the props until you can faint on command. Next time your husband starts moaning that he’d rather watch football than go to your parents for dinner, BAM, on the floor. The TV will be off all night (unless of course you hadn’t yet progressed past the need for walking in circles and making funny noises, in which case he’d know your trick and lock himself in the bedroom to watch football in faint-free peace).

Celebrities have a penchant for trying to one-up each other. My theory is that there’s almost no scoop in the tabloids – it’s all planted by the celebrities. In some cases the story or the celeb’s location is probably even leaked by a Public Relations (PR) person who is taking a cut of the paparazzi’s fee.

bjork swanBjork’s unforgettable swan dress? PR. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe breaking up? PR. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaugn being “caught” together over and over again? PR. Britney Spears being videotaped in all types of childish embarassing situations. PR. And most famously, Janet Jackson’s wardrobe “malfunction”? Definitely staged PR.

The common thread is that these celebrities behave erraticly when their careers are flagging. It’s not coincidence that you see Britney and the Olsen twins on the cover of the scandal sheets every other week, but never see anything juicy about rising stars like Scarlett Johansson.

Which brings me to the grand-daddy of all career saving PR stunts: naming your kid something completely bizarre. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Pilot Inspektor Lee – son of Jason Lee (of My Name is Earl) and Beth Riesgraf
  • Apple Martin – daughter of Gwynetth Paltrow and Chris Martin
  • Pirate Davis รขโ‚ฌโ€œ son of Devin and Jon Davis (of Korn)
  • Coco Arquette – daughter of Courtney Cox and David Arquette
  • Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette – son of Emily and Penn Jillette (of Penn and Teller)

How could these kids ever make it in school, let alone a public school? Even in Kindergarten, Apple would get taunted relentlessly … “Hey Apple, were your parents Bananas?”, and how do you seriously conduct an interview for a ‘Moxie CrimeFighter’?

Sure, crazy names aren’t confined to celebrities, but ex A-listers seem to have more than their fair share of them. But who knows, maybe ten years from now names like Moxie CrimeFighter and Apple will become as common as some of the “crazy” or unusual names of the past have become today.

Know someone with a funny name, or have a favorite celeb baby name not listed here? Leave a comment to let us know.

Singing the Dollar Store blues?

So at my niece’s birthday party today, my brother asks my grandmother why she doesn’t just buy some new placemats for her kitchen table:

Brother: “Grandma, you can just go down to the Dollar Store and buy them for like a dollar!”.
Grandma (very seriously): “OH NO! I wouldn’t go back the Dollar Store, they’ve gone way too upscale for me!”

Depression era logic at its best … a smart older woman who could afford to shop at places like Pier 1 tries to reason that the rinky dink local Dollar Store is far too foo-foo. Her resoluteness made us laugh so hard that we didn’t have the courage to ruin the moment by asking where in the world she could buy her placemats that would be less “upscale”.

Do you use MySpace, Friendster, Yahoo 360, or other social networking sites? If so, have you been able to make real friends on them? I had never tried, so with the urging of a few friends I signed up for MySpace as an experiment, simply using Anita as my screen name.

I was anxious to see how many ‘friends’ I could make. To get rolling quickly, I updated the default profile with my name, location, and literally the first picture in this computer’s ‘My Documents’ folder:
kid in toilet
(OK, so maybe you can already guess the outcome of my little experiment based on my choice of pictures, but since I didn’t know a thing about these sites I wasn’t about to use my real picture yet)

Initially, I decided it would be best to act particularly friendly by accepting any and all friend requests. Within hours, I received my first friend invitation. Wow, that was quick! After accepting, I also received my first comment ‘Hey, why don’t you post some real pictures … I bet you’re hot’.

Apparently guaging each other’s “hotness” is a major purpose of the site, or at least the outcome when you use a picture of a toilet in your profile. Within 2 weeks, I had a colorful array of over 90 friends with names such as Boob, BooB (who didn’t appear related to the first friend), I love Superman, and Toilet. I also became friends with a bunch of bands I had never heard of, some of which had over 10,000 friends … pretty popular bands I guess!

After my circle of friends grew to such proportions, I thought I might as well be social and chat with them. When I left messages for the ladies, they didn’t really say much back. I guess Boob and I weren’t such good friends after all! When I said hi to the guys, they were far more friendly … but more in the “Hey, send me some dirty pictures and then let’s meet” sense than the “what’s happening, tell me a little about yourself” type of introduction that I was expecting.

My experiment ended almost as soon as it started. After a couple weeks, I decided to start introducing myself to other people. Over a couple days, I invited about 50 over-18 folks to be my friend – all of whom appeared to be a little more reserved than my original bunch. 20 or 30 accepted too, but the next day I receive a message from MySpace saying that my account has been deleted because I was spamming their users.

Good thing too … I would have been the MySpace equivalent to playing Parcheesi with your grandparents – who needs such boredom when our kids have fun friends like Boob, BooB, and Toilet to chat with.

friendster patent
(thanks to Chris Pirillo and Brad Fitzpatrick for the comic … BTW – Friendster actually DID recently patent the process of making friends online, look out MySpace!)

This is the 2nd (and final) part to our celebrity look-a-like post. If you haven’t viewed it already, check out the first part here for the background and to see some rather funny results from our facial recognition search at MyHeritage.com. For example, we found that the purple Teletubby looks just like Lance Bass – this hardly seems a coincidence!

Like Yesterday, we’ll start off with a couple of our more obvious findings and move to the more ridiculous …

George Bush:


For some reason, almost every politician looks like other politicians on the MyHeritage site. The facial recognition software easily picked up the “I don’t know anything” frown on the President’s face to identify him, and found him an equally unhappy crowd with whom to associate.

Michael Jackson

Wait, he’s human? Could have fooled us. Not surprisingly, MyHeritage couldn’t find a single man (amongst it’s 2,000+ celebrities catalogued) who looked like Michael Jackson. If Calista Flockhart couldn’t find a good reason to eat before, her eerie resemblance to Wacko Jacko should provide ample incentive to start packing on some much needed weight.

Smiley Face

Who knew Ozzy was so happy! The other actresses are all known for their smiles, although we don’t see much of a resemblance past there. I guess the moral is that if you want to get mistaken for someone famous, always wear a smile.

Frowny Face

Poor Sarah Jessica Parker lost her starring TV role, Marion Jones still can’t shake her drug rap, Pedro Martinez is unable to help his Mets in the Series, and Ludacris is just generally an unhappy dude. Seems like they all have something to frown about …

Funny Looking Monkey

Once again, MyHeritage hit the nail on the head. Nick Nolte certainly looks like he’s a couple steps behind in the evolutionary foot race, L Ron Hubbard was simply bananas, and Will Ferrell’s antics (and faces) easily classify him as a bit of a baboon.

Thanks for all the comments and e-mails, keep them coming!

Have you ever wanted to see who you look like? Over the past few months, thousands have uploaded their pictures and shared their celebrity look-a-likes from MyHeritage. This isn’t one of those face recognition sites from a few years ago where you wait a couple minutes for it to popup a picture of a monkey’s butt, MyHeritage actually has good results.

Skeptical? So were we, so to determine just how accurate MyHeritage is, we decided to see if it could recognize some famous faces. We uploaded hundreds of pictures of famous folks (only a few are shown here), and are displaying the top 4 matches in order of resemblance returned by MyHeritage for each uploaded picture (our only alteration is that we removed some foreign and unknown celebs).

First – the ever elegant and beautiful Scarlett Johanson:


Scarlett once said that she looked more like one of the Hanson brothers than a model, but MyHeritage shows otherwise. As expected, she looked most like herself, and then a couple other starlets.

The Presidential Bill Clinton

No one ever claimed the President to be a movie star, but WOW … office work must not have been his thing. Maybe the president had other things on his mind, or just wasn’t very good looking to start. We decided to dig a little further …

The real Bill Clinton? After getting lei’d

Maybe the saying “You look your best when you’re doing what you do best” is true, that or the president used his presidential powers to get some good coverage in MyHeritage. Interestingly enough, of the hundred or so comparisons we performed, this was the only one where a famous person didn’t look most like themselves. Maybe this gives him an alibi – “It wasn’t me, it was my stunt double – here’s the proof!”

Teletubby

Years ago, there was some debate about the gender and appropriateness of certain teletubbies. Recently, there was similar speculation (and confirmation) regarding Lance Bass of N’Sync. Hmmm… coincidence?

Gollum – the next teen idol?

We didn’t think that Gollum would look like any celebrities (most cartoon and 3D characters did not, including the Flintstones, Simpsons, Sponge Bob, and Mighty Mouse). So we were a bit surprised when our favorite little cave dweller turned out to look like a teen idol, politician, and used-to-be-a-star actress. I guess he’s cuter than he looks!

Shrek – better looking than he thought, but not much

Babs an Ogre? Maybe … her outbreak to the heckler in NYC the other week confirms there’s at least a little ogre in her. However, if B.B. King were a bit younger (and greener), he could pass off the look pretty easily.

Tomorrow we’ll post the second half of our celebrity look-a-likes (click here to view them). Until then, let us know what you think!

Also, to receive funny stuff every day, subscribe to our feed or our daily e-mail updates (both to the upper right of our page). We’ll never spam you, and will always make you laugh.

Willy Wonka Weekend

If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably starting preparing for Halloween: candy, pumpkins, fake skeletons, 10 foot tall inflatable lawn ornaments, more candy, costumes (hopefully none from our list of this year’s 10 worst costumes), etc.

Do you also get in the “spirit” of Halloween by watching any Halloween movies? Scary movies like The Omen or Halloween, kids movies like The Black Cauldron or It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, or funny movies like So I Married an Axe Murderer or Scary Movie? For some reason, I’ve always equated Halloween with the original Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp is too Michael Jackson like) … probably because of all the candy and funny oompa loompa outfits.

Let us know how you get in a Halloween mood, and in the meantime enjoy one guy’s Halloween goofy homage to the Oompa Loompas:

(If you can’t see the video, click here)

Crazy e-bay feedback

Have you ever purchased something on eBay and been tempted to write completely ridiculous feedback after receiving the item (in case you didn’t know eBay encourages buyers/sellers to leave feedback after every purchase)? I’ve always wanted to do this, but never had the guts – particularly since I use my eBay account for work purchases.

I’ve pondered writing things like:

  • thanks for sending the underwear with the laserjet printer, fits snugly
  • i hope you look as good in person as in the included pictures, yum
  • works great, smells like limburger cheese – selling any nose plugs?

I’ve probably thought of 25 or 30 equally silly feedbacks over the past couple years, but tonight I stumbled upon what could be the greatest eBay feedback prankster ever – andy46477. This guy was a member in 1999, and only left nonsense/funny comments.

Here are some of my favorites:

  • If you can guess 3 of the foods in my retainer, I’ll send you a free VEGETABLE
  • I’ll bid on you til there’s nothing left but crumbs! Then I’ll bid on the crumbs
  • When I open boxes of cereal, you should be inside. Yes, you’re THAT GOOD!
  • I like my cars like I like my women – fast and expensive! Then I leave them
    Reply by 55chevy4: WHO IS THIS GUY ????????
  • Rotilla is a GOOD name for my wife. Don’t call her “Hey, STUMPY” again. EVER.
    Reply by hammerjammer: I don’t understand why this was left in the feedback section for me???
  • There was NO REASON for you to call my house and yell at my children. Still, A+
  • When life gives you a lemon, put it on eBay and I will bid on it.
  • You’re 15 genes short of HUMAN. But I mean that in a good eBay way. Yes I do!
  • Very polite, but I never spoke to him. Quick seller, yet I never bought. Hmmm.

You can read his entire eBay profile to find your own favorites here: eBay profile for andy46477. Have you ever received (or sent) funny/bizarre eBay comments? Like one of andy46477’s comments in particular? If so, let us know!

Funny Google Adsense Ads

Today we decided to see what would happen if we added some ads to our site (you’ll see them to the righthand sidebar – note that since writing this we have changed around the ad format a bit so you may not see the full ads shown below). Google chooses the ads for us, so we have no control over who is advertising … which made it all the funnier when we saw the ads.

Note that we aren’t allowed to click on any of our own links, so if one looks interesting and you find the site to be funny, let us know so we can visit the site as well.

We weren’t surprised to see lots of joke related ads:
Normal ads
We don’t have any retirement or office jokes yet, so maybe some of these ads will even give us ideas.

There were also plenty of specialty joke sites:
Specialty humor ads
No matter how hard they try, can a medical journal really be funny? If you see this ad and want to find out, let us know what you thought.

My post on wife jokes (here) caused Google to feed some great ads:
Wife ads
eBay selling wives??? They should watch their backs, the Russian mafia may start sending some heavies over here in order to protect their lucrative wife export trade. And the information on the cheating wife? Well, the link took me to a shopping page (I accidentally clicked on this one, and hope that Google doesn’t disband us). I wonder if this is supposed to be a hint – buy something for your wife or she’ll run off? Somebody actually paid Google money to show this ad … very strange.

Google also seemed to think that our name had something to do with home improvement. On some pages, there were more ads for cracked driveways and plumbers than anything else. Plenty of other odd ads popped up as well:
Strange ads
The world’s greatest practical joke is deleting a friend’s hard drive??? I can’t believe they’d pick that practical joke over such classics as: maxing out a friend’s credit card, wrecking your parent’s brand new sports car, or selling your sister into a Chinese sweat shop. Maybe they list those and other similarly harmless practical jokes on their site ๐Ÿ˜‰

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