Chapter 4 – Food!

There are so many wonderful summer foods to try! Eat up!

Plants!

Now is the time to enjoy fruits and vegetables, because they’re growing like crazy! They’re green and leafy and healthy, and they…oh forget it, let’s skip ahead!

Fried Everything!

Who cares what it is? It’s fried!

More like it! Summer is the time for killing your heart! People fry everything in the summer, and all the best summer foods are fried. Funnel cakes, corn dogs, onion rings, hush-puppies, fried fish, french fries, these are staples. But wait, there’s more! Fried cheesecake, fried oreos, fried snickers! Fried pickles, fried zuccini, fried chicken! And what to wash it down with? Fried cola!

Hear that gentle sobbing? That’s your arteries. Yippee!

Ice Cream!

The ultimate summer food. It is cold, it is sweet and sticky, it comes in far more flavors than 32, it is perfect. It can even be fried!

What are you waiting for? Fry yourself a big slice of summer today!

This week I’ll be doing a series of my top 5 Most Misunderstood Songs Ever, one a day. Today’s song is:

Most Misunderstood Song #1: Sweet Home Alabama

What everyone thinks: It’s a song about Alabama, which makes a pretty sweet home. Maybe it’s the state anthem or something.

The Truth: It’s pretty much anti-anti-racism. That’s racist, for those following along.

Let’s have a history lesson. Once upon a time African Americans were segregated in the US. This was a hugely dumb idea, and so a law was passed to integrate our society. Unfortunately, the racism didn’t stop there. Alabama was notably hesitant in its movement forward.

Niel Young saw this racism going on and said to himself, that’s a pretty lame thing. And so he wrote two songs: Southern Man and Alabama. They basically said, hey. Stop that racism thing. Also you should apologize for being a jerk, Alabama.

Was it wrong of him to pick specifically on Alabama? Maybe. But the Band Lynyrd Skynyrd was having none of it. They couldn’t bear to see Alabama called out in this way. So then, THEY wrote a song.

Sweet Home Alabama.

Makes all those “I heard Niel Young sing about her” and “Southern Man don’t need you ’round anyhow” lyrics make more sense if you didn’t know.

In Conclusion: People need to get over this song. It’s a song written to hate on a song written to hate on racism. Plus how many people who love this song have even been to Alabama? I don’t even think the majority of Lynyrd Skynyrd were from Alabama. If any. Holy cow.

By Nedroid

Your Famous Birthday

- I share my birthday with Mr. T. I pity the fool who doesn’t wish me a happy one. All horrible animated .gifs aside, it’s neat to find out some of these things. And also regrettable: Fairuza Baulk. Dag.

Your Birthday Tree!

- Mine’s the chestnut. Chestnut means old joke. I…I’ll just move on.

Your Mayan Sign!

- I’m a “Yellow Cosmic Star.” Heck yes. Apparently I have truth issues.

Your Birthday Star.

- This one is just neato. “[My] birthday star is in the constellation Bootes [hah, bootes]. It has the name χ (Chi) Bootis in Johann Bayer’s Uranometria star catalog. It is also called 37 Bootis in the Historia Cœlestis Britannica of John Flamsteed and Edmund Halley. It is called NS 1451+1906 A in the NStars database.”

Hahaha. Bootis.

And finally, the Age Gauge. I am so, so old everyone. I’m soooo old.

Happy my birthday!

Lessons I’ve learned in my year at SNTC:

LOLanimals never stop being awesome to some people (like me).

Apparently there are people who, unlike me, don’t feel awesome about watching a ton of internet videos.

Disliking the Newsboys is the same as liking obscene rap music. Whaddaya know.

People may not have the time to read an entire post, but they sure as heck have the time to post a comment letting you know that they don’t have time to read your entire post.

A post about meat hats is just fashion forward enough to have people asking you to link to their fashion website.

Gday,

Noticed that this page on your site had a lot of useful resources on clothing.
[link]

Would you consider including [my fashion website] link?

It could serve as a useful link since it has some relation to the page.*

A person may post and ask me to contact them, but they’ll still give me a false e-mail address to prevent all the SPAM I’m not sending nor even know how to send.

People who read this are clever, clever fiends.

Thanks for making the year good clean fun, everybody. Happy springtime for those northern-hemisphereans out there! I have a 10 page paper to be writing!

*I haven’t written him back. Not entirely sure what to say.

Hey. I’d just like to start off saying, congratulations. You do for a living what high school students everywhere fill whole notebooks with in hopes that their “deep” and “inspired” lyrics will one day make them rich, or at least cool. This, as you probably know, never works, but to be quite honest…your work isn’t much better these days. I’ve compiled a list of suggestions to help you up your game.

1. Rhymes. You should get some new ones.

Invest in one of these things maybe?

Here are a few rhymes that could use a few decade’s vacation:
“Friend” and “End.” Yeah, yeah, friends to the end. It’s bad. Stop now.
“Pain” and “Rain.” There is absolutely nothing you can add to this rhyme.
“Alone” and “My own.” It’s a rhyme that relies on redundancy. You’re better than that.
“Ever” and “Never.” Jeeeeez.
“Love” and “Above.”
“Right” and “Night.”
“Night” and “Sight.”
Let’s just leave night out of it.
“Air” and “Care” (thanks Freelanceguru for the reminder there)
“Joy” and “Boy”
“Said,” “Dead,” “Head.” Any “-ed” rhyme. They’re all washed up. Plus the English Language is pretty much cheating in your favor, what with the entire past tense ending that way.

I’m sure there are others, but I’m sure you can pick out the rest. That’s a good running start. Also, stop using assonances. You don’t do it well, you need practice. It just sounds reeeallly lazy and bad. “Girl” does not rhyme with “World” under any circumstances (thanks for that one, Kelly, can’t believe I forgot it).

Stop tacking extra words and filler phrases onto lines so that you can half-butt a rhyme. That “that’s right” or “oh yeah” or whatever…they’re all just fluff to fill up syllables and set up bad rhymes. Heck, I wouldn’t mind if you did the artsy thing and just gave up on rhyming altogether, it works for Coldplay. And please stop using the phrase “you know what I mean.” There’s no guaranteeing that. Stop stop stop. It’s cheap filler, we can tell.

2. Take a breath. You can always write another song later.

Your song should not be this crammed full of concepts.

Nowadays the fashionable song length is between three and five minutes. Any longer and the popular culture starts to get a little antsy and their minds start to wander off into green pastures and candy forests. And we understand that it’s a little hard for an artist to get the messages they need across in such a short time.

So don’t try. Pick one or two concepts. Pick one or two key phrases. Write them. The end. Nowadays songs are so wordy and full of themselves it’s hard to bear. Stay cool. Just pick a couple key messages and save the rest for other songs. I’m tired of having a thousand different cliche’s packed into one song. I mean, come on.

3. Grammar exists. Stop ignoring it.

I think this might be a pun.

Stop killing grammar. Stop it. I’m tired of those songs that uses the phrase “myself from me” just for the sake of a rhyme (in one of these songs, that rhyme is “me” and “street.” See number 1). Nothing “be” anything. I don’t be hungry. I am hungry. That lipstick does not be poppin’. It is poppin’. I don’t even know what that means. It pops? You could just say it pops, Lil’ Mama! My point is, “is” and “be” have the same number of syllables, come on!

Double negatives. Stop. Hanging prepositions. Stop them.

Hope these tips help, there are more where those came from if you ever need them (these three are free).

Sincerely Yours.

Karen at Saynotocrack.com

Don’t ask me what’s so addictive about this game, but I don’t foresee myself getting any work done tonight. Thanks, internet!

In the mean time, I give you not a video, but a means to amuse yourself (this…may be the reason the quality posts are taking so long).

That’s right, virtual bubble wrap. Now 1/2 as satisfying as real bubble wrap!

Manic Mode!!

No, I’m not on drugs. Though this game is just as addictive as anything on the market.

Thanks, Hand Drawn Games!

Revolutionary Long-Distance Paper Plane ! – Click here for more free videos

School starts again today for me. I should send one of these through class.