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Well, the final chapter of SayNoToCrack’s Guide to enjoying Summer is here!

Chapter Last: Activities!

Did you know that there are lots of Activities to take part in during the summer? There are! And with summer rapidly passing by, you’d better get right on it! Aside from picking the berries, eating the food, and admiring the wildlife of summer, here are a few more activities that the summer can offer…

Fairs and Carnivals
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Fairs and carnivals! These celebrations take place during the summer and offer a variety of activities. Risk your life on rickety roller-coasters that have traveled from fair to fair across the state for over twenty years! Try to win oversized stuffed animals in rigged games from shady dealers! Watch various vehicles smash into each other – a lot! Listen to mediocre local talents compete for prizes! Enter a contest! Go hog wild!

Play with Water!
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You can go swimming in the summer! You can fire water guns or throw water balloons! You can run fast and jump down too hard on a slip-n’-slide and hurt yourself on all the rocks you forgot to make sure weren’t there when you laid it down! Get wet! Woohoo!

Star Gazing!
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Try this! Lay on a blanket outside at night and look up! Those sure are stars, aren’t they? Fantastic!

Get Eaten!
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Did you know that all the bugs that want to eat you most of all come out almost exclusively in the summer? Sweet deal! Go outside and see for yourself! And just wait – some bugs don’t want to eat you at all, they just want to dive on your face! Moths, mayflies, dragonflies, golly-whoppers (or skeeter-eaters, if you swing that way), and bees all love to get caught in your hair! It’s true! And ants, centipedes, and ladybugs simply cannot wait to get all over the snacks you love. Party!

Be way too Dang Hot.
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Sweet lord. It’s over 88 degrees Fahrenheit out there. If you jump gently, you can feel yourself become suspended in the gelatin-thick humidity of the air. Sweat and sun. Did you know that your A/C is 100% more likely to break during the summer than any other time?

Can you combat it with lemonade? Water? Sleep? Maybe. But no matter what activity you choose to engage in this summer, you will also be way too dang hot. Hooray for multitasking!

Enjoy the rest of your summer, you crazy kids!

Well, after a brief break, we’re ready to resume our guide to Summer fun! Today’s chapter…

Chapter 4 – Food!

There are so many wonderful summer foods to try! Eat up!

Plants!
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Now is the time to enjoy fruits and vegetables, because they’re growing like crazy! They’re green and leafy and healthy, and they…oh forget it, let’s skip ahead!

Fried Everything!
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Who cares what it is? It’s fried!

More like it! Summer is the time for killing your heart! People fry everything in the summer, and all the best summer foods are fried. Funnel cakes, corn dogs, onion rings, hush-puppies, fried fish, french fries, these are staples. But wait, there’s more! Fried cheesecake, fried oreos, fried snickers! Fried pickles, fried zuccini, fried chicken! And what to wash it down with? Fried cola!

Hear that gentle sobbing? That’s your arteries. Yippee!

Ice Cream!
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The ultimate summer food. It is cold, it is sweet and sticky, it comes in far more flavors than 32, it is perfect. It can even be fried!

What are you waiting for? Fry yourself a big slice of summer today!

Hello hello! I know things here have taken a real musical bent lately, but my current place of employment involves me doing nothing but standing in place, packing boxes, and listening to whatever station the factory is playing this day. It’s on my mind.

This week I’ll be doing a series of my top 5 Most Misunderstood Songs Ever, one a day. Today’s song is:

Most Misunderstood Song #1: Sweet Home Alabama

What everyone thinks: It’s a song about Alabama, which makes a pretty sweet home. Maybe it’s the state anthem or something.

The Truth: It’s pretty much anti-anti-racism. That’s racist, for those following along.

Let’s have a history lesson. Once upon a time African Americans were segregated in the US. This was a hugely dumb idea, and so a law was passed to integrate our society. Unfortunately, the racism didn’t stop there. Alabama was notably hesitant in its movement forward.

Niel Young saw this racism going on and said to himself, that’s a pretty lame thing. And so he wrote two songs: Southern Man and Alabama. They basically said, hey. Stop that racism thing. Also you should apologize for being a jerk, Alabama.

Was it wrong of him to pick specifically on Alabama? Maybe. But the Band Lynyrd Skynyrd was having none of it. They couldn’t bear to see Alabama called out in this way. So then, THEY wrote a song.

Sweet Home Alabama.

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Makes all those “I heard Niel Young sing about her” and “Southern Man don’t need you ’round anyhow” lyrics make more sense if you didn’t know.

In Conclusion: People need to get over this song. It’s a song written to hate on a song written to hate on racism. Plus how many people who love this song have even been to Alabama? I don’t even think the majority of Lynyrd Skynyrd were from Alabama. If any. Holy cow.

Happy Birthday to Me.

This one is just shameful self-birthday-promoting. And some things for you to investigate! Have fun!

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By Nedroid

Your Famous Birthday

– I share my birthday with Mr. T. I pity the fool who doesn’t wish me a happy one. All horrible animated .gifs aside, it’s neat to find out some of these things. And also regrettable: Fairuza Baulk. Dag.

Your Birthday Tree!

– Mine’s the chestnut. Chestnut means old joke. I…I’ll just move on.

Your Mayan Sign!

– I’m a “Yellow Cosmic Star.” Heck yes. Apparently I have truth issues.

Your Birthday Star.

– This one is just neato. “[My] birthday star is in the constellation Bootes [hah, bootes]. It has the name χ (Chi) Bootis in Johann Bayer’s Uranometria star catalog. It is also called 37 Bootis in the Historia CÅ“lestis Britannica of John Flamsteed and Edmund Halley. It is called NS 1451+1906 A in the NStars database.”

Hahaha. Bootis.

And finally, the Age Gauge. I am so, so old everyone. I’m soooo old.

Happy my birthday!

Happy Postaversary.

So! One year! I’ve been posting here at SayNoToCrack for a whole year now, and I must say, it’s been a load of fun and I’m looking forward to more.

Lessons I’ve learned in my year at SNTC:

LOLanimals never stop being awesome to some people (like me).

Apparently there are people who, unlike me, don’t feel awesome about watching a ton of internet videos.

Disliking the Newsboys is the same as liking obscene rap music. Whaddaya know.

People may not have the time to read an entire post, but they sure as heck have the time to post a comment letting you know that they don’t have time to read your entire post.

A post about meat hats is just fashion forward enough to have people asking you to link to their fashion website.

Gday,

Noticed that this page on your site had a lot of useful resources on clothing.
[link]

Would you consider including [my fashion website] link?

It could serve as a useful link since it has some relation to the page.*

A person may post and ask me to contact them, but they’ll still give me a false e-mail address to prevent all the SPAM I’m not sending nor even know how to send.

People who read this are clever, clever fiends.

Thanks for making the year good clean fun, everybody. Happy springtime for those northern-hemisphereans out there! I have a 10 page paper to be writing!

*I haven’t written him back. Not entirely sure what to say.

To The Writers of Songs:

Hey. I’d just like to start off saying, congratulations. You do for a living what high school students everywhere fill whole notebooks with in hopes that their “deep” and “inspired” lyrics will one day make them rich, or at least cool. This, as you probably know, never works, but to be quite honest…your work isn’t much better these days. I’ve compiled a list of suggestions to help you up your game.

1. Rhymes. You should get some new ones.

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Invest in one of these things maybe?

Here are a few rhymes that could use a few decade’s vacation:
“Friend” and “End.” Yeah, yeah, friends to the end. It’s bad. Stop now.
“Pain” and “Rain.” There is absolutely nothing you can add to this rhyme.
“Alone” and “My own.” It’s a rhyme that relies on redundancy. You’re better than that.
“Ever” and “Never.” Jeeeeez.
“Love” and “Above.”
“Right” and “Night.”
“Night” and “Sight.”
Let’s just leave night out of it.
“Air” and “Care” (thanks Freelanceguru for the reminder there)
“Joy” and “Boy”
“Said,” “Dead,” “Head.” Any “-ed” rhyme. They’re all washed up. Plus the English Language is pretty much cheating in your favor, what with the entire past tense ending that way.

I’m sure there are others, but I’m sure you can pick out the rest. That’s a good running start. Also, stop using assonances. You don’t do it well, you need practice. It just sounds reeeallly lazy and bad. “Girl” does not rhyme with “World” under any circumstances (thanks for that one, Kelly, can’t believe I forgot it).

Stop tacking extra words and filler phrases onto lines so that you can half-butt a rhyme. That “that’s right” or “oh yeah” or whatever…they’re all just fluff to fill up syllables and set up bad rhymes. Heck, I wouldn’t mind if you did the artsy thing and just gave up on rhyming altogether, it works for Coldplay. And please stop using the phrase “you know what I mean.” There’s no guaranteeing that. Stop stop stop. It’s cheap filler, we can tell.

2. Take a breath. You can always write another song later.

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Your song should not be this crammed full of concepts.

Nowadays the fashionable song length is between three and five minutes. Any longer and the popular culture starts to get a little antsy and their minds start to wander off into green pastures and candy forests. And we understand that it’s a little hard for an artist to get the messages they need across in such a short time.

So don’t try. Pick one or two concepts. Pick one or two key phrases. Write them. The end. Nowadays songs are so wordy and full of themselves it’s hard to bear. Stay cool. Just pick a couple key messages and save the rest for other songs. I’m tired of having a thousand different cliche’s packed into one song. I mean, come on.

3. Grammar exists. Stop ignoring it.

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I think this might be a pun.

Stop killing grammar. Stop it. I’m tired of those songs that uses the phrase “myself from me” just for the sake of a rhyme (in one of these songs, that rhyme is “me” and “street.” See number 1). Nothing “be” anything. I don’t be hungry. I am hungry. That lipstick does not be poppin’. It is poppin’. I don’t even know what that means. It pops? You could just say it pops, Lil’ Mama! My point is, “is” and “be” have the same number of syllables, come on!

Double negatives. Stop. Hanging prepositions. Stop them.

Hope these tips help, there are more where those came from if you ever need them (these three are free).

Sincerely Yours.

Karen at Saynotocrack.com

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Once again, I have about seven projects I should be working on but am instead focused on the internet.

Don’t ask me what’s so addictive about this game, but I don’t foresee myself getting any work done tonight. Thanks, internet!

Coming soon…

A post with words and a point ant quality and everything! Just taking a bit longer to assemble than I’d counted on.

In the mean time, I give you not a video, but a means to amuse yourself (this…may be the reason the quality posts are taking so long).

That’s right, virtual bubble wrap. Now 1/2 as satisfying as real bubble wrap!

Manic Mode!!

Desktop Defense

Once again, while I should be doing homework and getting ready to go out and seize the day, I am trapped on my computer trying desperately to keep the creeps off my desktop.

No, I’m not on drugs. Though this game is just as addictive as anything on the market.

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Thanks, Hand Drawn Games!

For any of you who were jealous of the magnificent flight of the airplane last week, here’s how to make a “revolutionary” plane that will fly pretty far, assumably without a sky-scraper to help you out.


Revolutionary Long-Distance Paper Plane ! Click here for more free videos

School starts again today for me. I should send one of these through class.

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