It’s the follow up to that Gates and Seinfeld Microsoft commercial. It makes…well, this one has a plot, but. How is this going to make Vista stop sucking?

At least this one had…y’know…comedy. And old people. Though I hope that “gimme a sign” routine doesn’t become a running gag.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the PC versus MAC ads that won’t shut up no matter how hard we wish. Well, Microsoft has answered…

…sort of?

What is this? It’s…well, it’s Bill Gates. And…Jerry Seinfeld being remarkably un-funny. Outstandingly lame cake and planet jokes and no mention whatsoever of any actual microsoft computer technology.

And what’s with the look they give each other after Gates says, “Leather.” It’s like a code. I feel like I’ve just watched a front. Like, somewhere in the world, some super secret spy sees Gates and Seinfeld in this commercial and slowly nods his head, picking up the phone.

“Yes, I saw it.” he says. “At last. Thank you. The invasion may now begin.”

Or, alternatively, Microsoft is introducing a line of cakeputers. Either way, I am mystified.

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1. Potato Stewie.

“THIS AUCTION IS FOR A FAMILY GUY STEWIE HEAD CHIP COUPON. YOU CAN SEE IN PICTURE TWO EYES AND NOSE. SAME SHAPE AS STEWIE’S HEAD. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS NOT EDIBLE)”

2. Also inedible, Vintage Gum

“You are bidding on an unopened package of sugarless grape flavored Bubble Yum bubble gum. The gum is rock hard and is not meant for consumption.”

This one assumes the gum is from the ’80s because of the phrase “keeps it poppin’” It is sad how little people remember what the ’90s were capable of. For something TRULY from the ’80s, you can’t compete with currency…

3. $.05! Now for only $1.50 (plus shipping)!

VERY POWERFUL ITEM!! AMAZING!!

EVA’S 1988 NICKEL!!

SHE ALWAYS USED TO CARRY IT WITH HER.

THE POWERFUL SPELLS ON IT ARE FOR TRIPLE MONEY SPELL AND DREAMS COME TRUE SPELL.

OWNED AND CARRIED BY EVA, MY GRANDMA, A REAL EUROPEAN GYPSY.

4. Or, better still, $1 for only $14!!

ONE PERSON I KNOW CARRIED THIS DOLLAR IN THEIR WALLET. THEY WERE UNEMPLOYED AND 2 YEARS LATER WERE MAKING OVER $250,000 PER YEAR. IT WASN’T FROM A LOTTERY OR WINDFALL FROM THE SKY (face it those type of things dont happen very often), BUT IT WAS FROM BEING SHOWN A BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY OUT OF THE BLUE THAT WITH HARD WORK SKYROCKETED. Now, you could say It wasnt from the lucky dollar, but by fate, or chance, but does it hurt to carry a little luck with you.

Somewhere, someone is buying these. I just know it.

But hey. “Lucky Money” is easy to imitate. But you can’t fake the luck of a

5. lucky hairband.

This is my lucky hair band. I have had this hair band for the last 5 years and they have been the luckiest 5 years of my life.

Hey! You should buy that and then you’d have good luck bidding in auctions online! It’s foolproof!

And it wouldn’t be a Karen post without a video, I guess.

…

Happy bidding (and happy Memorial Day, American readers).

This one just seems a bit mean.

Somehow I don’t think they’ll be getting the message intended…

Yuck. Not so much unfortunate ad placement as…unfortunate mud placement.

Oh, now…that’s just not right.

Sometimes I wonder if a portion of resources should be removed from advertisement research and placed into some constructive planning for placement. Nah, then we wouldn’t get gems like these.

I’m not too surprised by this one. I mean, it’s a pretty easy place for an advertisement to go. This one, however, has me baffled:

I mean…this is just…including x-rays and everything. Wow. I just…an it’s like…whew. I’m not even sure what to say.

I’m not sure why the little toy commercial’s there, but it warms my heart.

Too bad they never showed this European commercial in the U.S., I think Americans would get a kick out of it.

Whenever I’ve seen someone in distress, I’ve always come to the “It’s a trap!” conclusion as well. I guess there’s good reason though – instead of some innocent young lady locked out of her car, I typically happen upon some fat sweaty guy in cutup jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt leaning against the side of his mid-eighties Chevy.

OH NOEZ IT’S INFECTIOUS DANDRUFF YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOME.

This is so frightening. Look at her eyes! I can’t…look…away……from the…hypnotizing…fruit spread…

Because when I think “fancy” I think “batteries”…and also “man with his hand over his head looking up at…something…”

So good, it’ll melt your pasty white face right off!

Pear’s Soap: It’ll crush your babies!

Once my house burned down and my dog ran away and lightning ruined my car and I lost all my hair. Then, someone gave me a plastic harmonica. It was all I needed.

You know what? I’m not even going to touch this one. This one is to look at and think about and not talk about. If you post a comment taking the obvious joke, I’ll lose respect for you forever, and write you out of my will. It’s a gum massager. That’s all.

Oh, advertisements. What are you doing to me.

Yeah! All the good things cigarettes do for you! Like lung disease! And cancer!

Yeah, dad! Thanks for smoking! I love developing asthma!

Not one, but TWO layers of cellophane! So it’s fresh! Like…eggs?

Right. If a man blew smoke into my face, I’d sure follow him anywhere. With a steak knife.

Not sure how well you can read this one, but it suggests that every puff of smoke cleans itself. Which is pretty much a lie, but check out the cute kitty cleaning itself, like the lying smoke!

Heh…a man kept a dog with no legs. He named it Cigarette, because every night he took it out for a drag.

I’m so sorry.

Smoking is bad for you, kids. No matter what the lady in the white powdered wig says.

For about $4 U.S., you can have a big hunk of spam, lettuce, tomato, and an over-easy egg. So yummy, you’ll go “Boing” when you eat it.

Anyone know if Freshness Burger still sells Spam Sandwiches?

This is not that update.

But, this may be one of the funniest (and genuine) series of commercials I’ve ever seen. The comedy is entirely in their poor choice of product name, and if you haven’t seen them yet, enjoy:

Taste, chew, and Enjoy!

Try new peanut butter Ayds! I wonder why this stuff isn’t around anymore!

Thank goodness, indeed! This next one I find funny mostly because of the images they use…

I’m going to go get myself some Ayds today!