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Archive for the 'Food' Category

Taste Tripping

So there’s been a lot of hype about those one fruits. Those miracle fruit things, right? They’re supposed to turn sour and bitter things sweet. How, you ask? I’m not sure, but my money’s on magic. Anyhow, there was a time when Martha was yapping about it, and people made the fruit – little berry deals – a hot product, raising the prices from $Who even knew they existed, to $5 per berry. Yow.

miracle-fruit.jpg
This is $15 right here.

Anyhow, with modern technology, they’ve actually encapsulated the miracle fruit’s magic into pills, which they sell for $15 a box (10 tablets) right here. They took paypal, which was cool, so I bought a box for SCIENCE, and also to share the results with you good people.

Within two weeks, I got the box, shipped to me all the way from Ljubljana Slovenia, which…don’t even ask me how to say that. I think it takes more magic.

tablets.jpg
Not pictured: the magic.

The miracle berry tabs themselves are surprisingly small. Slightly bigger and flatter than, say, an ibuprofen. I sat down with my friends John and Jon and we each took a tablet. They tasted like candy, specifically fruit leather.

leather.jpg
What?

Fruit leather, I know, right?

Anyhow, first up on the does-this-actually-work list of sour foods, the lemon.

Jon admits he thought it was all a crock, but we all agreed that the lemon had transformed into candy somehow. It was sweet and wonderful. Like it was grown from a lemonade plant. Next up, lime. We all had to agree again, limes became the very best. Like wonderful snacks.

Now it was experiment time!

Banana peppers – they tasted like dill pickles. Okay, what about…
Dill Pickles – they tasted like sweet pickles.

Fruit?
Clementines – even sweeter.
Blackberries – mild and awesome.
Kiwis – the kiwis we bought needed a few days to ripen still, but we dug in anyway and they tasted like the most perfectly ripe, sweet, soft kiwis I’d ever eaten.

We were high on taste hallucinations. We continued…

Coffee – less bitter. Not sweeter, but smokier. You could taste the roast more.
Straight lemon juice – lemonade.

But the real winner of the evening was Strawberries. There was no need to dig carefully through the plastic container searching for the ripest, the reddest, the sweetest berries. They all tasted like the sweetest most ready fruit. As if they’d all been carefully pre-dipped in sugar. Each one was perfect.

strawberry.jpg
I cannot communicate the joy.

By the end of the night, we were all very full and happy, and even as our tongues and stomachs burned with the acids we’d introduced to them all at once, we were happy. Tonight, we’d eaten the impossible, with a little help from miracle berry tablets.

And Magic.

And the winner is…

ProfessorTom! Congratulations!

Here’s the picture and his winning caption:

boxman.jpg

“When the regular Physics instructor failed to appear, “Professor-in-a-Box” automatically inflated and took over the lecture.”

This was a great contest. You guys all had awesome submissions. They were so good. Round of applause for you!

The Batter Blaster

In 1899, Charles H. Duell, the head of the U.S. Patent Office, supposedly said “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” Too bad he isn’t still alive – if he was I’d be one of the first to line up at his door to give him a nice gooey shot of this:

Batter Blaster

Mmmmm … pancake batter from a can. College kids rejoice, your dream breakfast has been invented! Somehow, it’s even certified organic … not quite sure how that happens, next thing you know they’ll start selling Organic Cheez Whiz and Fruity Pebbles.

Find your own local store via the Batter Blaster Product Page.

Pet Sweat

There must be a translation problem here. Maybe this is bottled water for your sweaty pet? That, or the Japanese have far worse taste than I thought. So much for my plan to stave off disease by drinking bottled water when overseas. via Tokyo Times

Feral Spuds Strike in Idaho

Ketchum, Idaho (Strutts News Services) – Over thousands of years humans have successfully domesticated animals, insects and plants. Domesticated animals include cats, dogs, chickens, cows, children, goats, horses, pigs and sheep, among many others. Domesticated insects include bees, and, um, other bees. Domesticated plants include corn, rice, rye, wheat, and many varieties of plants that we take for granted, like granola barensia and cocopuffsia.

In our long history of domesticating various species, early humans understood that in only one generation previously domesticated flora and fauna can, and often do, turn feral… sometimes with disastrous results.

That is exactly what happened Thursday afternoon, when tens of thousands of feral potatoes blocked State Route N US 91 from Wapello to Blackfoot, Idaho.

Potato attack

Eyewitness reports indicate that the spuds were upset about recent news reports promoting tax-funded corn subsidies for ethanol production. “We’ve seen enough!” said one, identified only as “Norgold Russet.” “Sure, corn has ears, but we’ve got eyes, and we don’t like what we see.”

With the arrival of an asphalt roller from nearby Idaho Falls, the protest disbanded slowly, leaving the denizens of Wapello in dismay. “We’re out of gravy!” exclaimed a tear-streaked Bonnie Phumph. “And the butter’s running out, too!”

Photo via Grit in the Gears

Mean Cuppa Joe

Yea, though I walk through the valley of java, I fear no evil, because I refuse to pony up $5 or more clams for a simple cup of coffee, unless, of course, it looks like this:

Evil Latte

Knock one of these down Monday morning and you’ll be chewing coat hangers until Friday afternoon. More “Latte Art” can be found at Oddee.

How I met Igde Pshat

My lovely wife was out of wine this evening. That in itself is not bad, but I was just about out of beer. Wisely, I volunteered to make a quick run down to the local grocery store, and axed if anyone else needed anything. My kids spoke up. They wanted those fruit things. You know. Sticky fruit things. “Fruit Leathers?” I asked, and the correct answer bells went off all over the house. Even the cat jumped up and ran outside to where cats belong.

So I went down to the local market, looking for fruit leathers, figuring that they must be somewhere between the canned artichoke hearts and the Liquid Plumber. I wandered for a while until a worker bee, who didn’t know what fruit leathers were either, directed me to the “ethnic aisle”. No one in California knows what fruit leathers are unless they have already made their peace with God and spend a lot of their time reminiscing about street cars and people named Walter.

I found the aisle. I found dried mango slices. Good enough, I thought, until I found a bag of things right next to them labeled “IGDE PSHAT”.

I arrived at the checkout stand with a bottle of wine, some cheap beer, dehydrated mango slices, and a bag of Igde Pshat, and NO ONE questioned me. Spooky.

Igde Pshat bag

I later found out that they knew something I had completely glossed over. Igde Pshat has almost no nutrients, but it tastes pretty good. One serving is listed as eight of the little roach-sized buggers, according to the label.

Eating eight gives you all the 29 grams of sugar you need to live another four days. If you eat 57, you might as well stay on the potty until noon, and consider the risk of diabetes. Eat 80 and you have your daily carbs, and you’re sugar-wired. If you eat 400 daily, all your calcium and iron is accounted for, too, and you’ll live to the ripe old age of 37.

Igde Pshat

IS THIS THE PERFECT SNACK FOOD, OR WHAT? No significant nutritional value, it’s grown in third world countries, tastes good, and it’s cheaper than dried mango. And no, it doesn’t taste like Pshat.

Super Mario Cake

For some reason, themed designer wedding cakes are now all the rage. I’ve seen cakes shaped like dolphins, islands, and luggage (my brother-in-law’s suitcase cake was so realistic the photographer tried to pick it up).

However, for geeks like me, nothing really compares to the Super Mario Cake:

Super Mario Wedding Cake

The entire cake, except for the Mario and Princess on top, are completely edible. I’m particularly amazed at the level of detail … check out these close-ups of a koopa troopa and piranha plants.

Koopa Troopa on Mario Cake

Mario eating plants on cake

Does anyone know what tricks a modern day cake artisan utilizes to create such a masterpiece, and how much it costs? For serious gaming fans, the cost would totally be worth it. Too bad my wife would have never agreed.

via Super Mario Cake Flickr set

Mmmm … bacon:

Bathroom Bacon Dispenser
via

We all know that smoking and drinking can be bad for humans, but what about for Marshmallow Peeps? Extensive research was conducted in the late 90’s to determine the impact of these vices on the fragile, yet delicious, Easter treats.

Smoking:

Peep smoking cigarette

Even though the Peep finished half a camel, it showed no signs of coughing or lung damage. Fearing a backlash for giving cigarettes to “young chicks”, researchers stopped their study after a single smoke instead of giving the purple peep a 500-pack case as originally planned.

Drinking:

Peep and Alcohol

Once again, the peep showed surprising resiliency. After being given 8 shots of 190 proof alcohol, there were no noticeable physical changes to the peep, although at one point it began swimming on its side and bumping into the glass walls.

Smoking and Drinking:

Researchers were stunned at the peep’s hardiness, so they decided to get the peep ready for a night out on the town by testing its reaction to the combination of smoking and drinking.

Peep before smoking and drinking

After only a few minutes, the peep began to show signs of distress:

Peep after smoking and drinking

Oops, looks like peeps are better suited for Easter baskets than night clubs! More peep research available here. Thanks Matt!

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