So there’s been a lot of hype about those one fruits. Those miracle fruit things, right? They’re supposed to turn sour and bitter things sweet. How, you ask? I’m not sure, but my money’s on magic. Anyhow, there was a time when Martha was yapping about it, and people made the fruit – little berry deals – a hot product, raising the prices from $Who even knew they existed, to $5 per berry. Yow.
This is $15 right here.
Anyhow, with modern technology, they’ve actually encapsulated the miracle fruit’s magic into pills, which they sell for $15 a box (10 tablets) right here. They took paypal, which was cool, so I bought a box for SCIENCE, and also to share the results with you good people.
Within two weeks, I got the box, shipped to me all the way from Ljubljana Slovenia, which…don’t even ask me how to say that. I think it takes more magic.
Not pictured: the magic.
The miracle berry tabs themselves are surprisingly small. Slightly bigger and flatter than, say, an ibuprofen. I sat down with my friends John and Jon and we each took a tablet. They tasted like candy, specifically fruit leather.
Fruit leather, I know, right?
Anyhow, first up on the does-this-actually-work list of sour foods, the lemon.
Jon admits he thought it was all a crock, but we all agreed that the lemon had transformed into candy somehow. It was sweet and wonderful. Like it was grown from a lemonade plant. Next up, lime. We all had to agree again, limes became the very best. Like wonderful snacks.
Now it was experiment time!
Banana peppers – they tasted like dill pickles. Okay, what about…
Dill Pickles – they tasted like sweet pickles.
Clementines – even sweeter.
Blackberries – mild and awesome.
Kiwis – the kiwis we bought needed a few days to ripen still, but we dug in anyway and they tasted like the most perfectly ripe, sweet, soft kiwis I’d ever eaten.
We were high on taste hallucinations. We continued…
Coffee – less bitter. Not sweeter, but smokier. You could taste the roast more.
Straight lemon juice – lemonade.
But the real winner of the evening was Strawberries. There was no need to dig carefully through the plastic container searching for the ripest, the reddest, the sweetest berries. They all tasted like the sweetest most ready fruit. As if they’d all been carefully pre-dipped in sugar. Each one was perfect.
I cannot communicate the joy.
By the end of the night, we were all very full and happy, and even as our tongues and stomachs burned with the acids we’d introduced to them all at once, we were happy. Tonight, we’d eaten the impossible, with a little help from miracle berry tablets.