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Wow, our Best Short Joke Contest received over 300 jokes! I just couldn’t cut my favorites list to less than 10 jokes, so rather than randomly picking a winner I figured I’d let you decide in a quick poll.

The person who submitted the joke with the most votes as of midnight on Thursday can choose between $25 or a super secret mystery prize. The people who submitted the top 5 jokes will also get special recognition.

Here are the jokes, pick your favorite then vote in the poll

1. What happened to the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer? He got behind with his orders!

2. What are seagulls that live by the bay? BAGELS

3. I was told that cow tongue is a delicacy, but I have a hard time tasting something that is tasting me back.

4. Two cows are standing in a field. The first one asks “Aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease?” The second one responds “It doesn’t worry me, I’m a duck”.

5. What do you call an Amish man with his hand in a horse’s butt? A mechanic.

6. Why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

7. A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Give me a beer and a mop.”

8. It was so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

9. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

10. Guy comes home, yells to his wife, “Pack your bags! I just won the lottery!” “Where are we going?” she asks. “What do you mean ‘we’?” he says.

Select your favorite, then click Vote
View Results

UPDATE: The contest is over, but I’m waiting for you to help me pick the winner in this short poll. Thanks for all your great jokes, I had a fun time reading them!

Why did the chicken cross the roadTime for another fun little contest. This one’s easy – just add a comment with your best short joke.

Leave as many jokes as you’d like, they can be original or ones you’ve heard elsewhere. The only limitations are to keep them short and keep them G/PG rated.

Depending on the response, I’ll either announce my favorites here or put them up for vote. The top 5 will get posted here with a link back to their site (if they have one). I’ve decided to throw in a fun mystery prize for the best one (or a cash prize if the winner would prefer)!

Even cheesy or bad jokes are welcome … I laugh at almost anything, even this:

Worst chicken cross the road joke ever

The contest will end Saturday night, so don’t delay in showing off your inner Comedian! 😉

UpdateThe caption contest is over (although feel free to add new captions). Almost all the entries were funny, so it was tough to choose my favorites, but here goes nothing (in order posted):

  • “Huh? I got something where? On my left or right cheek?”word_sling
  • “Hey shhhh! I’m in camouflage.”Paul
  • “I may have made a slight mess, hope mommy doesn’t notice.”libragirl
  • “Don’t ask me where the chicken is. Just don’t ask…”Richie
  • “Man, these are some complex carbohydrates.”Diesel

Wanted: great caption for this cute messy baby (submit as a comment)
Reward: a lifetime of fame & fortune (i.e., I’ll list the best captions in the post and link to your site)

Cute Japanese Baby covered with Rice
(if anyone knows the original source, let me know)

We have a winner!

Our second contest, identify five pictures to win $20 to $100 is officially over, and Luke is our winner! He selected the Super Secret Mystery Prize (which we’ll announce once he gets it), so for now I’ll just show some of the funny responses to the bonus question:

  • “Hey…pssst…c’mere…let me out and I’ll tell you everything I know about time travel.” – Cameron
  • “Sunkist orange advert.” – Prying1
  • “Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, Had a wife and couldn’t keep her,
    Put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well. ” – MathMom
  • “Mr. Koolaids match.com date. ‘OH, YEAAAAAH!'” – Kendall
  • “RUUUN!! ITS HEADED RIGHT FOR US!!!! this guy lost a bet. to an orange.” – Amanda

Final Contest update!

Our Identify the Picture contest is entering its last week. The new pictures are now pretty easy, and include the final clue, so vote quickly before someone else guesses all 5 pictures.

For example, here’s one of the tougher pictures from last week and the same picture today:

Last week:
pic 5 before
Not for the meek
What is that inside?
You like dogs too?
This week:
pic 5
clues:
Not for the meek
What is that inside?
You like dogs too?
Think mustard would go with that?

We’ll announce our winner next week, but even if you think someone has already won you can still guess. Remember, only your final guess counts. The most accurate guess as of next Thursday will win the $20 (or super secret mystery prize). Plus, we’ll pull out the funniest bonus picture guesses and give props to the authors (and their websites if they provided them).

Click here to go to the contest and enter your guesses.

Our Identify the Picture contest is now even easier to win. The new pictures show a sizeable part of the final image, and I also added 2 more clues for each picture. For example, here’s one of the pictures from last week and the same picture today:

Last week:
pic 5 before
clue: Not for the meek
This week:
pic 5
clues:
Not for the meek
What is that inside?
You like dogs too?

We’ve received responses that are correct for at least 3 of the pictures, so it’s quite likely that with the new clues and pictures someone will win this week. Remember, you can leave as many guesses as you want, but your last guess is the only one that’s counted. Click here to go to the contest and enter your guesses. If you have general comments about our contest, feel free to enter them here (but only put your entries on the contest post).

The $100 Identify the Picture contest is now 4 times easier than before. We’ve increased the amount of detail shown on each picture by a factor of 4, and also added a clue for each one. For example, here’s one of the pictures before and after zooming out:

Last week
pic 3 before
Now after zooming out
pic 3 after
clue: Not that easy

Yes, it’s A LOT easier now. Click here to go to the contest and enter your guesses. If you have general comments about our contest, feel free to enter them here (but only put your entries on the contest post).

The contest is now over. See our announcement for the winner and some of the funny responses to the bonus picture.

The premise of our second contest is pretty simple: leave a comment identifying each picture shown below to win at least $20 (up to $100, see details below), or a top secret mystery prize. There’s a bit of a twist though … you can enter as many times as you want, but only your last entry will be counted. So if you are a whiz and guess correctly tomorrow, but then look at everyone else’s guesses and re-enter, only your last guess will count.

To win, just be the first to identify pictures 1-5 (the most creative and correct answer for the bonus picture both get special recognition)

1. Beluga Whale
(thanks sillydog)
pic 1
Not found on you
What is that I see?
You like to swim?
Think caviar
2. Deer Bologna
(on my countertop)
pic 2
Not too harmful
What is for dinner?
You might even like it
Think hunting
3. Elmo slippers
(thanks DottieboBottie)
pic 3
Not that easy
What is TMX?
You cold?
Think she babies her feet?
4. Golf Ball
(my son’s)
pic 4
Not too soft
What is balata?
You can hit it
Think fore!
5. Triple Bypass Burger
(thanks Master Shake)
pic 5
Not for the meek
What is that inside?
You like dogs too?
Think mustard would go with that?
Bonus – “Tom Swift” costume
(thanks Federal Land)
pic 6
Not me!
What in the world?
You want one, huh?
Think this guy’s a goof

We’ll name the winner on December 15th (even if someone has answered correctly before this), and give them one of the following prizes of their choice:

  • $20 cash
  • $20 in some cash equivalent (gift card, 50 cans of pinto beans, 2000 blogmad credits, etc.)
  • A super secret mystery prize worth approximately $20

If someone gets all 5 in the first two weeks (by November 30th), we’ll give them $100 or a really cool top secret mystery prize. Also, every week until the 15th we’ll reveal a little more of each picture and provide a clue, so come back weekly to compare your guesses to the larger pictures!


For our last contest (Mix-n-match the toilets), the mystery prize was a book entitled The Truth about Poop. If you’re looking for a great kid’s present or a gag gift for a friend, we suggest you click and buy it … it’s a fun read!

If you win, we certainly hope you say “Door #3 Monty”, but if you don’t like surprises the other options aren’t bad either for playing this little game.

Have fun, we look forward to your entries! :)

It’s almost midnight, so we are going to announce the first person who matched the most toilets to their locations … and the winner is …
Prying1!

Prying1 matched 7 of the 9 toilets! Thankfully he also chose to receive the super secret mystery prize, which we’ll have fun revealing once he receives it. An honorable mention also goes to Thao, who also matched 7 of 9 but sent in results after Prying1 … probably because of that power failure and hours of research! 😉

If you’re curious to see the answers, click here to go to the updated original contest post and see where the toilets came from! Thanks to everyone who entered! The contest was a great success, so we’ve decided to have some type of contest every month (with a prize value of at least $20 per contest). We’ll probably announce our next contest (with a longer deadline this time) within a week, so check back often (or subscribe to our site).

If you have any ideas for cool/funny contests, or just general comments on what you thought of this one, let us know!

Toilet Matching Contest Update

So far, nobody has matched all 9 toilets to the city (the current leader has 7 matches). Scroll down to October 31st (or click here) to enter – remember, the winner gets $20 or the super secret mystery prize!

If someone doesn’t name all 9 by midnight on Friday, we’ll send the prize to the person who named the most!

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