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Archive for the 'Contest' Category

Rock the Vote!

Good people of Say No To Crack, I give you the image that was presented as a challenge to those brave enough to caption it:

newcap.jpg

It is shaping up to be a most wonderful competition. Now comes the time for voting! Here are your caption contestants:

1. By Alex: “Smeli Yuan and partner Yas Pais goes for gold in the newest Olympic water event, Doubles Gas Passing.”

2. By NC: Contestant 1:
*Waves hand frantically*
“JUDGE.! SHE BIT ME.!”

Contestant 2:
*Rises from under the water*
“Ah…. Fresh meat….”

3. By Virginia: “I refuse to work with this idiot!”

4. By Michel: “super! :-)”

5. By Biz:
“The next poster child for bipolar disorder.”

6. By Bunk Strutts:
“MO-OM! SHE’S DOING IT AGAIN!”

7. By Jeff:
“And thus, the Chinese won the race to genetically modify their people so that they may fly.”

8. By MG: “Oh my God! Who just pooped in the pool!?”

9. By Res: “I choose you chinese-synchronized-swimmer-chu!!”

10. By Madbong23:
“Try captioning this pic!”, said the Dolphin Sisters

11. By Phil:
“Leave my territory, or I will release my fanatical one-legged flying sister of Death!”

12. By Ike:
“The Chinese Olympic Committee had serious explaining to do, once the team was discovered trying to replace graceful, actual athlete Mao Tai (pictured above) with a different girl who has a prettier face.”

13. By Pixelgun:
“The nose plugs are malfunctioning! Open your mouth or your face will implode!”

14. By Danny Thornton:
“True Blood”

Here are your contestants! To vote for your favorite, post their number in the comments below!

New Caption Contest!

It’s been a little while since we’ve had one of these, and I always love reading you guys’ captions. This one, I think, is a gem:

newcap.jpg

Also from the Olympics. These mid-air shots get me every time. Go for it! Post your caption in the comments; winner will be picked by the readers!

Choose a winner…

It’s good old Step 2 of the caption contest. Pick your favorite!

Here’s the picture:
swimming.jpg

And here are your contestants:

1. Alex – “Oh my god it’s full of stars!”

2. John – “Donut! So…close!”

3. Frobozz – “Uh, coach? I have to pee…nevermind.”

4. Schnitzelboi – “Dave Johnson, the first and only casualty of the highly contested and now banned sport of individual synchronized swimming, reaches for the skies, and in his last moments of vitality, mistakes the Olympic rings for the light at the end of the tunnel.”

5. Schnitzelboi – “HALP”

6. ardie – “DAA-DUM! (Jaw’s theme)”

7. Sheldon – ” ‘Double Vision?’ The picture shown is frame number 8, in the filmstrip at the bottom!”

8. Virginia – “High five! Who’s Gay?”

9. CheeseDuck – “Noooo! Come back! I swear I’ll change!”

10. NC – “Swimming For Dummies Tip Number 38# : Don’t mistake Olympic Games Logo for life float in times of distress…”

11. Bunk Strutts – “I CN HAZ POTTY BRAK PLS?”

12. SOMEONETHATKILLS – “Pick Me!”

Is that a threat for votes, or a username, sir?

13. Pancake – “Winning gold in the hologram catching event is no easy task.”

14. Biz – “Even the Nazi’s can put aside their differences during the Olympics.”

Vote for your favorite by posting its number in the comments below! Happy voting!

Olympics Caption Contest!

I know that anything you read here has been taking away from your valuable Olympics-watching time, so here’s a caption contest in the spirit of the summer games!

Caption this:

swimming.jpg

I’m looking forward to what you guys think of this one.

Pick Your Winner!

Post your favorite __ walked into a ___ joke’s number in the comment section!

Submissions by MG:

1. A pimple walks into a diner. The waiter/waitress asks-”what’ll ya have?” The pimple says-”a pop.”

2. an egg walks into a chicken farm. The egg says-”where have I seen this before?!”

3. a black widow slinks into a combo insect/arachnid diner. The waiter says: “we don’t serve your kind in here!” Black widow: “You know what? You kinda remind me of my ex husband.”
Waiter: what’ll you have?!

Submitted by thisbobandbill

4. A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, “What’ll you have?”

The duck says, “Got any pickles?”

The bartender spits and says “We don’t have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!”
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, “Got any pickles?”

The bartender, irritated, says, “I told you yesterday we don’t serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!”

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: “Got any pickles?”

The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. “I told you two times we don’t serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!”

With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.

The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: “Got any nails?”

The bartender, puzzled, said “No.”

The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, “Got any pickles?”

5. Three men walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Submitted by Melody:

6. An Irishman walks out of a bar.

7. A guy walks into a bar in the top of the Space Needle. A guy says to him “Hey, if you jump out the window, the air currents will spin you around a couple of times and then you’ll fly right back in. Watch.” So the man in the bar le aps out the window and what he says happens. He spins around and falls back in the room. The other man says “WOW! I want to try!” So he leaps out the window and falls and splats on the ground. The bartender says to the first man, “Geeze Superman, you’re really mean when you’re drunk.”

Submitted by Rman:

8. A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Submitted by CheeseDuck:

9. So a baby seal walks into a club…

Submitted by Drea:

10. A whale walks into a bar and sits down next to another whale. They sit in silence, watching the game for awhile. The first whale then turns to the second whale and asks:
“Do you know what the score is?”
The second whale looks at him in astonishment and says: “Holy Crap, a talking whale!”

I’ve heard a similar joke, but mine involved talking muffins.

Submission by Lonnie:

11. Bear walks into a bar, says to the bartender “Gimme a drink”…

The bartender says “hey, we don’t serve animals in here”…

The bear says “gimme a drink or I’ll eat this woman right here”…

The bartender still refuses, and the bear eats the woman right up. “Gimme a drink, now”, he says.

The bartender, steadfast, says “we don’t serve animals, and we certainly don’t serve animals on drugs.”

The bear seems taken aback, “on drugs?”

The bartender: “Well, that was a bar bitch you ate”…

(read the last line out loud if you don’t get it)…

Bonus points for the pun, points lost for TV appropriate curse and the necessity to explain.

12. Mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says “we don’t serve your kind.”

“Why not, I’m a fun guy?”

13. Horse walks into a bar, bartender says “why the long face?”

Lonnie hears a request for “fresh meat” and delivers “dead horse” with that last one…

Submitted by Pancake:

14. So a blind guy walks into a bookstore, picks up his guide dog by the hind legs, and begins swinging him around in circles. The store clerk runs up to him and shouts “What are you doing?!” The blind guy says “Just having a look around.”

Finally, a disqualified but funny submission Flüge USA:

What does an Englishman do, after he won Fifa Soccer World Cup? He turns of his Playstation:)

I don’t think you quite read the instructions there, sir. That’s a “What does a ___ do when ____?” joke. Maybe that’ll be our next contest, but this one is just for people walking into places ;).

Joke contest!

A ____ walks into a _____…

It’s about time we got some fresh meat when it comes to “So a thing walks into another thing…” jokes. I mean, we’ve all heard the same tired six jokes and they almost always begin with some religious figures entering an establishment that sells alcohol.

driver.jpg

So: in way similar to the caption contests we host here now and again, I want us to have a joke contest. You guys submit your very best “Person walks into a Place” jokes, and then I’ll compile them for you to vote on, and the winner feels good and gets a lot of people sharing their joke!

It can be an obscure joke, it can be an original joke, just so long as it is:

  • Clean – seriously. It’s a clean humor website, dirty jokes won’t make it through.
  • Funny – though that’s for the readers to decide I guess.

Go hog wild! Here are a few of my personal favorites:

A man walked into a bar. It hurt.

A man with two left feet walks into a shoe store and asks, “Do you sell flip-flips?”

A rope tries to enter a bar but sees that the owners won’t serve ropes. He ties himself into a bow and tears at his ends and enters.
“Say,” said the bartender, “Aren’t you a rope?”
“No,” said the rope. “I’m a frayed knot.”

A woman walks into a library and approaches the counter.
“I’d like a hamburger, a large fries, and a coke please,” she says.
The librarian looks at her confusedly and says, “Ma’am, this is a library.”
“Oh!” cries the woman, embarrased. “I’m sorry.”
She then whispers, “I’d like a hamburger, a large fries, and a coke please.”

I’m looking forward to yours!

Pick your favorite!

As a reminder, here is the photo we’ll be captioning…
facebite.jpg

And here are the first 18 captions to be submitted. I think the poll we used last time was far too cluttered, so I’m going back to assigning each caption a number. Vote for your favorite by posting its number in the comments! Happy voting (and no cheating, please).

  1. “I smell bacon…” – AmyOops
  2. “Are you deaf?! I don’t wanna catch the darn frisbee anymore!” – Pixie
  3. “I AM….SICK…OF THIS…&%&#….FRISBEE SH*@!” – Tom
  4. “Can you hear me now?” – Andy
  5. “Despite her bad taste in fashion as well as the harrasment from various animal lover groups, Ethel enjoyed her new ear rings.” – Hugo Sparrow
  6. “It was only AFTER Lasik surgery that Mary realized she had a levitating dog stuck to her face for the past 30 years.” – Schnitzelboi
  7. “And one day, Sparky decided that running after endless amounts of frisbees was not worth any amount of milkbones.” – Jeff
  8. “After one critique too many, Daisy shows the trainer her new and improved straddle leap.” – Faith
  9. “Later, Maria realized the folly of wearing the dog treat necklace.” – Heather
  10. “HEADLINE: ‘Dog Trains Woman to ‘Sit’ On Command’ ” – Tom
  11. “O why did i eat 10 boxes of mexacan jumping beans” – GOD
  12. “After an unnerving end to her real bone earrings, woman decides to shop more ethically in the future.” – Sha
  13. “Famous back in the good old 90’s, dangly kibble earrings went out of fashion after several tragic incidents.” – Jefftexas
  14. “Today was not the right day to wear Ode de Cat.” – Finicky Penguin
  15. “Listen…Do you want to know a secret….Do you promise not to tell…” – madbong23
  16. “Fluffy didn’t wanna grow up to catch Frisbees. Fluffy wanted to grow up to be a crocodile…” – jake
  17. “I SAID…..HAVE YOU CHANGED THE BATTERIES IN YOUR HEARING AID LATELY ?!?!?!?” – Andy
  18. Finals Approach: an interpretive dance by dog and trainer.” – Karen

#####

Vote away, fair readers! And good job captioneers, these are some of the best I’ve ever seen.

Caption Contest

facebite.jpg

Before you tell me, I’m already aware the photoshop nature of the photo. But I think it is quite appropriate for a caption contest. I know it hasn’t been that long since our last one, but finals have got me down and it always cheers me up to see the hilarious stuff you guys come up with.

My caption: finals approach: an interpretive dance by dog and trainer.

Pick your winner!

There were a lot of great captions this time around. Pick your favorite now! Winner announcement happens after voting!

Here’s the picture:

boxman.jpg

Winner Chosen

VOTE.

Caption Contest!

Let’s go again! Caption this picture. Funniest caption wins (after voting, of course).

boxman.jpg

Do your best. I’m looking forward to seeing what you guys think!

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