The image was:

And the winning caption is:

“High five! Who’s Gay?” by Virginia

…to which I can only respond,

But honestly, congrats, Virginia, and also congratulations to Frobozz who came in a very close second with “Uh, coach? I have to pee…nevermind.”

Thanks for all the awesome submissions!

So a baby seal walks into a club…

Congratulations, Cheeseduck on your horrifying joke!

I don’t get it guys…

In second place was Pancake’s:

So a blind guy walks into a bookstore, picks up his guide dog by the hind legs, and begins swinging him around in circles. The store clerk runs up to him and shouts “What are you doing?!” The blind guy says “Just having a look around.”

Congratulations.

What is with you guys and animal abuse? But I’m glad you all enjoyed yourselves and submitted some new (and some old) favorites to share. Next time someone starts an old tired chestnut, you now have a newly loaded arsenal to try out.

Woohoo! Tom! You win!

HEADLINE: “Dog Trains Woman to ‘Sit’ On Command”

Very funny. And congrats everyone, those were some awesome captions. They all cheered me up, right until I remember my life is hell until finals are over. Oh sweet heaven.

Quick, try to distract yourself with this kitten (I know I sure am):

Man, sure wish I could relax like that.

Here’s the picture and his winning caption:

“When the regular Physics instructor failed to appear, “Professor-in-a-Box” automatically inflated and took over the lecture.”

This was a great contest. You guys all had awesome submissions. They were so good. Round of applause for you!

George decides that Judo isn’t for him.

–Finicky Penguin.

Congratulations, Finicky Penguin!

In second place:

“ur anti-gravity stick…i can has it?” By Quelqoth

And, tied for third:

“FAIL.” By Schnitzelboi, and

“‘Does it look like a penis from that angle?’” By A Funny Dud.

Thanks everyone who participated! And, a shout out to the person who posted what, five, seven times?–All under different names, all voting for the same caption. All from the same computer. Bright!

Guys, I think it’s cool if you vote for your own captions, but let’s try to keep the internet fair, ok? Cheaters’ votes don’t count!

Congrats again, Finicky Penguin, the legit winner!

In second place (also a tie): Matty J and Dan (E. – there were two Dans I think). You both could take out 30 each. My own twelve pales in comparison…yet I feel I am the real winner.

And in third place, taking home the bronze of child-kickery: Vexworth with 29. Rest assured, there are at least four people worse than you.

And thank you all for playing! You can keep posting your scores, but the contest is closed.

So! Continuing on with the sort of horrible guilt-inducing fact generator, here’s something that will tell you what people died on the day you were born. As for me:

144,307 People

Find Sonography schools near you

Dag. It also gives you a list of natural disasters that occurred that day (I thought I was the only one!)

* 1987 Edgecumbe earthquake
* Edmonton Tornado
* Great Storm of 1987 (how awesome is this name?)
* Whittier Narrows earthquake

Whoo! So, what about you guys?

Also, Merry Christmas! (I’ll try to get cheerier closer to the day…this season gets me morbid).

W00t.

So congrats, all you w00t voters, and no hard feelings, all you other-word voters. I’d have voted w00t myself if it was five years ago.

But hey. I know I’ve been gone for a long time. But the worst of my finals is over. I will need to pull no more all-nighters and then all-dayers and then write essays. I’ll probably need a few hundred hours of recuperation-sleep, but I’ll be back here and posting.

To make up for my absence to you all, here is something to make you happy.

It’s just the littlest kitten ever!

Drumroll!

OR not!

The winner is…..

LindaF: ““The better to eat me wit.., hahaha CUT! hahahaha, sorry I’ll get the line right this time Little Red, promise””

Congrats! I personally have a soft spot in my heart for blooper jokes.

Runner up:

Thom: “While known for their superior guarding skills, German Shepards are notoriously bad joke tellers, often ruining the set-up by laughing through the punchline.”

And, winner of the I have no clue what this one was supposed to mean, award:

Diogenes: “Heil Hitler!” ….. no no wait… “Whats that joke about dead babies in a blender?”…..wait wait, I got it, here yah go.., the headline reads, “Innocence Touched By The Paw Of The Devil Dog. Struck Dumb/ Hypnotized By Unknown Forces” Hahahaha. Sickos abound. yes we laugh… but really here it is. Here is mine,,for true..and it reads, “Beautiful Photo Captured and subjected to unfunny captions by random dummies”

I…I think this was trying to make a point…had a real message, maybe, to share…but I can’t quite figure it out. So, thanks for that inspirational head-scratching moment, Diogenes!

Thanks everyone for participating!