I write this post in the sincere hope that I am not the only one here in love with the old 1960’s Adam West Batman series/movie. For today, I have found myself giggling like an idiot at this beautiful collection of Batman-lecturing-Robin quotes; it’s great enough that I forgive it for being on an old tripod website (jeez, talk about ‘remember when…’).

Holy Painted Eyebrows, Batman!

Some highlights:

Robin: “Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great.”
Batman: “Beware of strong stimulants, Robin.”

Robin: “To the batcave?”
Batman: “And up the batpoles.”
Robin: “The batpoles?”
Batman: “Even crimefighters need their sleep, Robin.”

Batman: “Human mechanisms are made by human hands, Robin. None of them is infallible. It is a lesson that must be faced.” Too true, too true.

Robin: “Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!”
Batman: “All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that’s why they’re virtues.”

Batman: “Robin, the Constitution provides that a man is innocent until proven guilty. And the Constitution is the cornerstone of our great nation. We must abide by it.”
Robin: “Gosh, when you put it that way…”

Wisdom for the ages.

So. I’m back at school and back on the internet (for a moment) and in my inbox there is this. And it is wonderful.

It always frustrates me when people establish themselves as one thing, then suddenly decide that entitles them to a huge following in another arena. I’m not so much mad at these athletes…because…it’s too hilarious. But actors turned musicians, or worse, musicians turned actor; athletes turned actor are almost always going to disappoint, and I always feel a little weird about actors becoming major political figures. I mean, I guess it worked for Reagan, but…

But then I suppose I can’t begrudge anyone the attempt to cross over into other paths, because sometimes, it’s far too priceless.

Since my last one was such a darn hit, I thought I’d do another! This time I’ll veer away from the (apparenlty) touchier subjects, however, and attack a totally different genre.

So, this Wicked play. It’s pretty much teh lamezorz, right? Now, I know a lot of people like it, so I won’t say I think it’s musically stunted or lyrically cancerous, or that Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel sound identical in the sountdrack, or that the concept of a “revamped” Oz plot is ridiculous, but I will say, that stowed away in the score is one of the most fantastic jokes I’ve ever heard…

The plot and characters are embarrassing, but you won’t hear me say so, no sir.

The song I’ll be breaking down for you today is “For Good.” And I call this song a joke because it’s done something funny: it seems to have convinced everone it is actually contains a positive message.

Let’s break it down:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you:

Whoooahhhh…snap!! Kristen (or Idina? I can’t tell!) starts off with this lovely philosophy: people come into our lives to help us grow, and become better…but then she throws it out the window by saying, yeah she doesn’t believe that. Idina (or Kristen?) has changed her somehow, but not necessarily by helping her grow.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

This, I think, is what loses people. I think that this is what fools everyone, and so I’m not going to go farther into the song than this (thank me later). Let me translate these lyrics (I even tried to set them up so you could sing along!):

Like a really insulting similie, about getting burned
Or another insulting similie, about being broken
I’m not sure I’m made a better person
But, you have changed me
And that change is permanent.

And that’s all! People have, for the duration of this song, forgotten that the phrase “for good” means “forever,” and instead take it to believe that she’s saying Krisdina has changed her for the better…despite the fact that two lines earlier she said she’s not sure if she has been changed for the better at all.

You could sing this song to the shark who bit your arm off and it would be appropriate: he changed your life (I mean, now you have no arm!), and maybe it’s not for the better…but that arm is gone for good.

But the real punchline is, that song was my graduation song. I just sat there, embarrassed for my friends in the choir who were, unknowingly I assume, singing to their friends, their teachers, their school, a song that basically says, you messed me up, and the change is permanent.

Which, in the case of my school, might be true, but still. Not exactly the theme song you want to go out on. Next time you hear this song, think of this. It’s not necessarily a positive song.

Still not as bad as the kids who got “Good Riddance” as their graduation song though. Haha, suckers.

[By the way, if you look up my old Breakin’ it Down article, don’t bother posting before you’ve read all the other comments: I’ve already been told by every atheist to go, girl and by many Christians oh no I didn’t, and by a few Christians to go, girl, and by many people that the article wasn’t funny anyway. There’s not much more ground to cover.]

I promised myself I’d present something excellent today, and not just a video…but I think this video is totally worth it. Now that I think about it, Eminem’s songs do all seem to focus on the same themes over and over…

And, yes, it is stuck in my head, and yes, it probably will be forever.

Note: this is a repost of one of my early favorites. Given Paris’s recent drama, I thought new readers might enjoy.

Have you ever noticed that Paris Hilton looks a lot like Smurfette?

The similarities don’t end at appearances either:

Smurfette: Premiered in 1981 on NBC
Paris Hilton: Born 17 February 1981

Smurfette: Was magically created out of clay by Gargamel to cause jealousy and competition between smurfs
Paris Hilton: Has a clay personality, thinks everyone is jealous, and wants famous men fighting over her

Smurfette: Considered to be the worst singer in all of Smurfdom
Paris Hilton: Did you ever listen to her album, Paris?

Smurfette: Wears tiny white dresses that barely cover her smurfly parts
Paris Hilton: Wears tiny white dresses, and often shows her, uh, smurfly parts

Smurfette: Always causing trouble, including flooding of the smurf village
Paris Hilton: Do we need to go into details?

Smurfette: Underwent extensive plastic smurfery to become a blond bombshell
Paris Hilton: Underwent extensive plastic surgery to transform her from smurfly-looking to tabloid-worthy

Smurfette: Has large smurf feet
Paris Hilton: Is embarassed that plastic surgery couldn’t shrink her large feet

Smurfette: Lives under a mushroom in a strange fantasy world
Paris Hilton: Lives a strange fantasy life, and (based on her smarts) presumably grew up under a mushroom

Coincidence? I think not.

If you haven’t seen all 6 Rocky movies yet, this video will get you caught up … in about 10 seconds:

(if you can’t see the video, click here)

Also check out the Next Rocky in Training if you haven’t already. Talk about guts.

Las Vegas, Nevada (Strutts News Services) - After becoming a famous recording artist, Britney Spears has also become an authority on the ins and outs of drug rehabilitation facilities. Recently Ms. Spears realized that she has a higher calling, and now she’s a spokeperson combating female under-representation in the workforce.

With little fanfare, Britney shaved her head and joined the Blue Man Group to show by example that sexism can’t be tolerated, even in a theater rock band. Changing her name to “Spears Akimbo”, she has replaced Blue No. 2 and renamed the band “Blue Person Group”.

Ms. Akimbo (Spears) had no intelligible comment worth printing, but the original Blue No. 2 was despondent: “They wouldn’t even let me help paint her up.” Blue No. 3 was more optimistic: “This could work, if we could just get her to stop singing.”

A new video is scheduled for release the day after never.

Pic via Stereogum

I have just learned that casting for the next Rocky movie is almost over. My sources say that Rocky VII is to be focused on the career switch of The Italian Stallion’s son from businessman to boxer, and that the kid in this video is the front runner for the role:

(if you can’t see the video, click here)

Seriously though, I’m surprised that kid didn’t get arrested, or at least beaten up.

Now, even McDonalds is getting in on the “bald is beautiful” trend:

Thank goodness they aren’t giving out a McFlurry or Shamrock Shakes … I would have seriously considered their offer!

Notice anything strange about Derek Jeter’s newest Topps baseball card?

Wait, is that George W. Bush waving to Mr. November as he takes a swing? Who knew that secret service would allow the president to sit in the regular box seats? And who’s that in the dugout? Did the Great Mickey Mantle decided to make a return to the living to catch a Yankees game? Talk about pressure!

Apparently somewhere between the final proofing and printing the cards, someone at the company thought it would be funny to put in Bush and Mantle. It was too late for Topps to change the card, so they just laughed and included the card in the set.

I’d love to get one of these, seems like it would make a great collector’s card one day.

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