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Archive for March, 2010

Motown fixes everything

So it’s about time I addressed the existence of a song called “Single Ladies.” Everyone else has, including but not limited to that horrible chipmunks movie sequel.

Seriously. Alvin and the Chipmunks weren’t even good as cartoons, why on Earth someone would make them live action and real chipmunk sized is beyond my fathoming. But that’s not my point today.

This is the song in question, for all of you viewing this website from a neighbor’s wifi under your rock.

I have a host of objections against this song. First, what is that weird squeaky noise? They accompanied this song with what sounds like an alarm clock underwater and then washed their hands of it. That’s all that is accompanying Beyonce’s voice! Angry boring drums and some weird sound effect over and over. I’m sorry, but Beyonce’s voice is just not strong enough to carry a song by itself…and I don’t think Pavarotti himself could have held his own accompanied by that weird zippy robot noise.

If someone were to bottle pure annoying, I think they’d find it could be crystallized in the form of that noise.


Or into this.

And the lyrics aren’t so great either. Let’s put aside the Buzz Lightyear quote for a moment and focus on the fact that she either refers to herself as “it” throughout the entire song, or she is under the impression her ex just really, really liked her ring finger. And, while the chorus scolds the ex boyfriend for not putting a ring on it, the bridge chides him for treating her to “things of the world,” because, “she’s not that kind of girl.”

…So did she want a ring or not?

Either way, I’m left scratching my head. Needless to say, I hated the recording the first time I heard it and I still do. It’s boring. It’s hard to listen to on account of there being nothing but Beyonce’s voice, weird noise, and drums. It’s insulting. I imagined there was nothing on this earth that could make me like it, not even a weird ill-fitting music video with a weird robot hand and chicken dance moves.

I was mistaken. Motown made me like it. Motown fixed this song. The people at Endless Noise decided that what this song was lacking was a band. Music. Something to accompany the vocals. Piano. Bass. Horns. Guitar. A band.

It just goes to show you: if your lyrics are crap and your melody can’t stand alone, don’t throw out the band. Motown’s got your back.