SayNoToCrack has featured funny old ads before, but this batch is a little different. While the world was still advertising cigarettes, tape worms, and spousal abuse in its popular magazines, what kind of marketing was there for the babies?
Terrifying marketing, that’s what kind.
Babies are belligerent, messy, loud, and incoherent on the best day. Who in heck decided thought giving them a sugary soda would be a good idea?
Surely there must be something better for kids than…
…Oh. Well now that’s just a terrible idea. I can’t believe people used to give their babies alcohol. I just hope they kept the kids away from anything harmful while they were intoxicated!
Oh come on. How is a horrifying, probably-wasted baby going to sell any razors? Did people apply to marketing teams way back when? Or did the world just hate babies?
Apparently so! Hey, ladies! Here’s a tanning light! We promise it won’t burn you – just test it out on your brand new baby.
…actually, you know what? If this is what babies looked like 50+ years ago, it’s no wonder parents were trying to cook them and drink them to death. That thing is terrifying.
You know what? Babies are terrifying. What is their deal. They’ve probably been messed up ever since the first person decided to give them caffeine and alcohol.
…So remember. Don’t cook your babies or give them drugs or let them near razors or do anything else the ’50s tell you to.