Even to horses.

In the UK, a friendly horse named Pandora is suffering for no apparent reason other than nature just really, really, really likes being a gigantic jerk 100% of the time.

This horse is allergic to grass. Grass.

Grass.

It’s bad enough being a human with allergies. But if we’re allergic to peanuts or eggs or cats we have technology on our side to help build up the perfect sheltered lifestyle to fit our individual needs. However, a horse being allergic to grass is basically like me being allergic to electric-generated light sources or the hum of a refrigerator or sound.

Pandora can’t go grazing in the field with the other ponies. Pandora can’t even go walking in the field without wearing a full-body anti-grass horse suit.

Nope.

So thanks, nature, for causing another completely pointless problem. And you know what else? It’s been in the sixties all week but tonight we’re expecting six inches of snow. Snow in late March The daffodils were just blooming, nature! JUST BLOOMING.

GAH.

So I’ve been on spring break. But I’m back now, with this informational video to warm your hearts and apologize for the absence.

I personally always wanted to know how to wear a coffee table. Now I do.

…just barely. Sorry, guys, I’ve been out with a nasty flu-turned-fever-turned-sore thoat-turned-cold-turned-cough. But I’ve been thinking of you, and until I’m able to function like a human again, I thought I’d give you this.

It’s a present.

Actually, it’s me, asking you guys to do me a huge favor. I’m on all kinds of medicine right now; is this for real? Is Chuck Norris honest to goodness planning to run as President of Texas?

Somehow I want to believe this is a Nyquil dream; a silly hallucination that my feverish brain has cooked up after too much time on the internet. Chuck Norris for President?

President of Texas? When Texas secedes? I must be inventing this. The product of a fevered mind, right guys? Right? I mean, surely no has-been actor from that one TV show would be so hard up for attention he’d start making claims to run for non-existent political positions and broadcasting more uncertainty in uncertain times, right? That’s just silly.

I’m going back to bed.

Are you going to be watching The Watchmen? It’s supposed to be pretty epic from what I understand.

Seriously, though…I’ll probably just rent it.

Well, here is our image and the winning caption:

“…And a 6.8 from the Spanish Judge.”

That was from Brian O.! Congrats!

The SNTC’s Editor’s Favorite was: “This is how God plays darts.” By Drew.

And the winner of the coveted I-showed-up-late-but-at-least-I-was-hilarious Award goes to Timbotron for “Two words: Ground Beef”

Thanks everyone who submitted, everyone who voted, and everyone who did neither.