Hey, all! Sorry about that hiatus there. The higher-ups explained to me that somewhere along the line something happened and it cause stuff to suck. But no matter! The site’s back up, and here’s a video that I believe encapsulates the last few weeks for me.

One of the posts lost in the downtime was a news story about a mouse given to a snake for lunch fighting back and killing the snake.

This is just exactly as cool.

That howl. That friggen howl man. Awesome.

While you guys wrap up voting on your favorite captions, I thought you should have a look and make sure you’re up-to-date on proper urinal etiquette.

Toilet Etiquette!
*I changed this to a link because it’s so noisy and the post is very old already.

(Thanks, nothingtoxic.com! (beware, a less-kid-friendly site))

How’d you do? I did okay, but it’s not really anything I have to worry about. Polls will close soon…get your votes in!

Good people of Say No To Crack, I give you the image that was presented as a challenge to those brave enough to caption it:

It is shaping up to be a most wonderful competition. Now comes the time for voting! Here are your caption contestants:

1. By Alex: “Smeli Yuan and partner Yas Pais goes for gold in the newest Olympic water event, Doubles Gas Passing.”

2. By NC: Contestant 1:
*Waves hand frantically*
“JUDGE.! SHE BIT ME.!”

Contestant 2:
*Rises from under the water*
“Ah…. Fresh meat….”

3. By Virginia: “I refuse to work with this idiot!”

4. By Michel: “super! ”

5. By Biz: “The next poster child for bipolar disorder.”

6. By Bunk Strutts: “MO-OM! SHE’S DOING IT AGAIN!”

7. By Jeff: “And thus, the Chinese won the race to genetically modify their people so that they may fly.”

8. By MG: “Oh my God! Who just pooped in the pool!?”

9. By Res: “I choose you chinese-synchronized-swimmer-chu!!”

10. By Madbong23: “Try captioning this pic!”, said the Dolphin Sisters

11. By Phil: “Leave my territory, or I will release my fanatical one-legged flying sister of Death!”

12. By Ike: “The Chinese Olympic Committee had serious explaining to do, once the team was discovered trying to replace graceful, actual athlete Mao Tai (pictured above) with a different girl who has a prettier face.”

13. By Pixelgun: “The nose plugs are malfunctioning! Open your mouth or your face will implode!”

14. By Danny Thornton: “True Blood”

Here are your contestants! To vote for your favorite, post their number in the comments below!

It’s been a little while since we’ve had one of these, and I always love reading you guys’ captions. This one, I think, is a gem:

Also from the Olympics. These mid-air shots get me every time. Go for it! Post your caption in the comments; winner will be picked by the readers!

Sometimes a writer is inspired enough to create an interesting, timeless, and lovable character to win the hearts of readers everywhere.

And then sometimes that character inspires a song-writer to pay musical tribute. Here are my top favorite songs based on famous fictional characters.

5) Fett’s Vette

Not being a very hard-core Star Wars fan, however, many of the smaller allusions to Fett’s story makes it hard for me to follow a long, and so harder for me to list it any higher than #5. #4, however…

4) Wassup Holmes.

An easy joke? Yes. But you can’t hate it just because you’re jealous that you didn’t think of it first. It’s a solid 4. But now? Let’s go.

3) Captain Picard

Try not getting this one stuck in your head. I dare you.

2) The Ultimate Showdown

Does this count? I don’t know. But I love it regardless.

1) The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

If you thought I wouldn’t include this one you’re crazy. I mean, just look at it. Leonard Nimoy and a bunch of crazy dancing girls. Beauty.

And as a bonus, check this out. That’s what I get for looking for Picard songs.

So there’s been a lot of hype about those one fruits. Those miracle fruit things, right? They’re supposed to turn sour and bitter things sweet. How, you ask? I’m not sure, but my money’s on magic. Anyhow, there was a time when Martha was yapping about it, and people made the fruit – little berry deals – a hot product, raising the prices from $Who even knew they existed, to $5 per berry. Yow.

This is $15 right here.

Anyhow, with modern technology, they’ve actually encapsulated the miracle fruit’s magic into pills, which they sell for $15 a box (10 tablets) right here. They took paypal, which was cool, so I bought a box for SCIENCE, and also to share the results with you good people.

Within two weeks, I got the box, shipped to me all the way from Ljubljana Slovenia, which…don’t even ask me how to say that. I think it takes more magic.

Not pictured: the magic.

The miracle berry tabs themselves are surprisingly small. Slightly bigger and flatter than, say, an ibuprofen. I sat down with my friends John and Jon and we each took a tablet. They tasted like candy, specifically fruit leather.

What?

Fruit leather, I know, right?

Anyhow, first up on the does-this-actually-work list of sour foods, the lemon.

Jon admits he thought it was all a crock, but we all agreed that the lemon had transformed into candy somehow. It was sweet and wonderful. Like it was grown from a lemonade plant. Next up, lime. We all had to agree again, limes became the very best. Like wonderful snacks.

Now it was experiment time!

Banana peppers – they tasted like dill pickles. Okay, what about…
Dill Pickles – they tasted like sweet pickles.

Fruit?
Clementines – even sweeter.
Blackberries – mild and awesome.
Kiwis – the kiwis we bought needed a few days to ripen still, but we dug in anyway and they tasted like the most perfectly ripe, sweet, soft kiwis I’d ever eaten.

We were high on taste hallucinations. We continued…

Coffee – less bitter. Not sweeter, but smokier. You could taste the roast more.
Straight lemon juice – lemonade.

But the real winner of the evening was Strawberries. There was no need to dig carefully through the plastic container searching for the ripest, the reddest, the sweetest berries. They all tasted like the sweetest most ready fruit. As if they’d all been carefully pre-dipped in sugar. Each one was perfect.

I cannot communicate the joy.

By the end of the night, we were all very full and happy, and even as our tongues and stomachs burned with the acids we’d introduced to them all at once, we were happy. Tonight, we’d eaten the impossible, with a little help from miracle berry tablets.

And Magic.

It’s a real phenomenon. No matter how serious the movie, no matter how long the book, somehow it becomes hilarious when some parodist condenses it way too short.

Here are some of my favorite places on the internet to go for your shrunken story madness…

I may have mentioned Angry Alien before on this site, but it bears repeating if for no other reason than it’s still ongoing and still awesome. Like a movie? Watch it go by in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies (you heard me).

Rinkworks (also potentially something I’ve brought up before) has an amazing arsenal of condensed movies, books, and plays.

The Editing Room’s archives are even more impressive still, if a wee bit more prone to swearing (be advised).

It’s a busy world. We don’t always have time to sit through a whole movie or read a whole book. Here’s hoping this made your life a little easier. And, in honor of my recent video streak…

In our daily quest to find humorous anecdotes and cool gadgets we often come across what can at best be described as “not exactly cool” or more realistically just darn foolish gadgets. They maybe foolish but they can be exceedingly amusing hence our new sister site Foolish Gadgets is born.

If you want to amused by the foolish side of the gadget world please check out Foolish Gadgets, or subscribe free via the feed or the Foolish Gadgets daily email digest.

As always suggestions and ideas would be greatly appreciated, even foolish ones.

This is another video post, I know, but I couldn’t help but share it because it is an amazing thing. But I’m going to dedicate it to all of you out there who – like myself – are one of those crazy student types.

For those of you with laptops, I’d like you to wait to view this until you are in class (on mute, that’s okay). Preferably a boring class – you’ll be surfing anyway.

Go ahead and bookmark this, come back when you’re in class. I’ll wait.

You there? Cool. Here it is.

Now, if you’re like me when I found this class in History 4-something-something Who Cares-a-thon, you’ve just recieved maximum potential enjoyment from the video.

There’s something about the hushed atmosphere of a boring class, the contraband enjoyment of a muted video…and those great, black ninja cat eyes looming closer and closer, and frighteningly, closer. I almost had to leave the classroom. I could barely contain laughter. It’s one of the most amazing joys in the world, trying to contain a laugh in the midst of what should be a soul-deadening situation.

Or, maybe I just need to pay more attention in class.

Update:

Okay, copy-cat puns aside, this one is just about lame enough to be a pretty funny attempt:

Wow. I thought my dog was clever when she learned to sit. Sure, you see dogs like Lassie on TV jumping over fences and alerting well rescue teams, but you figure that kind of canine heroism doesn’t pop up every day.

Apparently a man in Phoenix owns a dog capable of being a hero, but not just your average, run-in-front-of-traffic, leap-through-burning-buildings, drag-kid-out-of-river kind of dog heroism. This dog called 911 to have an ambulance dispatched when his owner had a seizure.

I’m left with only three questions. First, did the dog have a special dog-phone? I mean, dogs don’t have the benefit of fingers for button pushing. The answer to this question could significantly change the coolness of this story. Second, was the dog trained to do this? Were there seizure simulations? And third, where can I find such a dog trainer?