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Archive for September, 2008

Taste Tripping

So there’s been a lot of hype about those one fruits. Those miracle fruit things, right? They’re supposed to turn sour and bitter things sweet. How, you ask? I’m not sure, but my money’s on magic. Anyhow, there was a time when Martha was yapping about it, and people made the fruit – little berry deals – a hot product, raising the prices from $Who even knew they existed, to $5 per berry. Yow.

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This is $15 right here.

Anyhow, with modern technology, they’ve actually encapsulated the miracle fruit’s magic into pills, which they sell for $15 a box (10 tablets) right here. They took paypal, which was cool, so I bought a box for SCIENCE, and also to share the results with you good people.

Within two weeks, I got the box, shipped to me all the way from Ljubljana Slovenia, which…don’t even ask me how to say that. I think it takes more magic.

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Not pictured: the magic.

The miracle berry tabs themselves are surprisingly small. Slightly bigger and flatter than, say, an ibuprofen. I sat down with my friends John and Jon and we each took a tablet. They tasted like candy, specifically fruit leather.

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What?

Fruit leather, I know, right?

Anyhow, first up on the does-this-actually-work list of sour foods, the lemon.

Jon admits he thought it was all a crock, but we all agreed that the lemon had transformed into candy somehow. It was sweet and wonderful. Like it was grown from a lemonade plant. Next up, lime. We all had to agree again, limes became the very best. Like wonderful snacks.

Now it was experiment time!

Banana peppers – they tasted like dill pickles. Okay, what about…
Dill Pickles – they tasted like sweet pickles.

Fruit?
Clementines – even sweeter.
Blackberries – mild and awesome.
Kiwis – the kiwis we bought needed a few days to ripen still, but we dug in anyway and they tasted like the most perfectly ripe, sweet, soft kiwis I’d ever eaten.

We were high on taste hallucinations. We continued…

Coffee – less bitter. Not sweeter, but smokier. You could taste the roast more.
Straight lemon juice – lemonade.

But the real winner of the evening was Strawberries. There was no need to dig carefully through the plastic container searching for the ripest, the reddest, the sweetest berries. They all tasted like the sweetest most ready fruit. As if they’d all been carefully pre-dipped in sugar. Each one was perfect.

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I cannot communicate the joy.

By the end of the night, we were all very full and happy, and even as our tongues and stomachs burned with the acids we’d introduced to them all at once, we were happy. Tonight, we’d eaten the impossible, with a little help from miracle berry tablets.

And Magic.

Get Your Condensation

It’s a real phenomenon. No matter how serious the movie, no matter how long the book, somehow it becomes hilarious when some parodist condenses it way too short.

Here are some of my favorite places on the internet to go for your shrunken story madness…

I may have mentioned Angry Alien before on this site, but it bears repeating if for no other reason than it’s still ongoing and still awesome. Like a movie? Watch it go by in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies (you heard me).

Rinkworks (also potentially something I’ve brought up before) has an amazing arsenal of condensed movies, books, and plays.

The Editing Room’s archives are even more impressive still, if a wee bit more prone to swearing (be advised).

It’s a busy world. We don’t always have time to sit through a whole movie or read a whole book. Here’s hoping this made your life a little easier. And, in honor of my recent video streak…

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If you want to amused by the foolish side of the gadget world please check out Foolish Gadgets, or subscribe free via the feed Foolish Gadgets RSS Feed or the Foolish Gadgets daily email digest.

As always suggestions and ideas would be greatly appreciated, even foolish ones.

This is another video post, I know, but I couldn’t help but share it because it is an amazing thing. But I’m going to dedicate it to all of you out there who – like myself – are one of those crazy student types.

For those of you with laptops, I’d like you to wait to view this until you are in class (on mute, that’s okay). Preferably a boring class – you’ll be surfing anyway.

Go ahead and bookmark this, come back when you’re in class. I’ll wait.

You there? Cool. Here it is.

Now, if you’re like me when I found this class in History 4-something-something Who Cares-a-thon, you’ve just recieved maximum potential enjoyment from the video.

There’s something about the hushed atmosphere of a boring class, the contraband enjoyment of a muted video…and those great, black ninja cat eyes looming closer and closer, and frighteningly, closer. I almost had to leave the classroom. I could barely contain laughter. It’s one of the most amazing joys in the world, trying to contain a laugh in the midst of what should be a soul-deadening situation.

Or, maybe I just need to pay more attention in class.

Update:

Okay, copy-cat puns aside, this one is just about lame enough to be a pretty funny attempt:

Dog Calls 911

Wow. I thought my dog was clever when she learned to sit. Sure, you see dogs like Lassie on TV jumping over fences and alerting well rescue teams, but you figure that kind of canine heroism doesn’t pop up every day.

Apparently a man in Phoenix owns a dog capable of being a hero, but not just your average, run-in-front-of-traffic, leap-through-burning-buildings, drag-kid-out-of-river kind of dog heroism. This dog called 911 to have an ambulance dispatched when his owner had a seizure.

I’m left with only three questions. First, did the dog have a special dog-phone? I mean, dogs don’t have the benefit of fingers for button pushing. The answer to this question could significantly change the coolness of this story. Second, was the dog trained to do this? Were there seizure simulations? And third, where can I find such a dog trainer?

How is this any clearer?

Sorry for the absence lately, school and work are in full swing, so here’s one more video post before I start bringing sexy content back.

It’s the follow up to that Gates and Seinfeld Microsoft commercial. It makes…well, this one has a plot, but. How is this going to make Vista stop sucking?

At least this one had…y’know…comedy. And old people. Though I hope that “gimme a sign” routine doesn’t become a running gag.

What is this?

My well-thought-out and timely update will have to wait – I need answers today. I need answers now.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the PC versus MAC ads that won’t shut up no matter how hard we wish. Well, Microsoft has answered…

…sort of?

What is this? It’s…well, it’s Bill Gates. And…Jerry Seinfeld being remarkably un-funny. Outstandingly lame cake and planet jokes and no mention whatsoever of any actual microsoft computer technology.

And what’s with the look they give each other after Gates says, “Leather.” It’s like a code. I feel like I’ve just watched a front. Like, somewhere in the world, some super secret spy sees Gates and Seinfeld in this commercial and slowly nods his head, picking up the phone.

“Yes, I saw it.” he says. “At last. Thank you. The invasion may now begin.”

Or, alternatively, Microsoft is introducing a line of cakeputers. Either way, I am mystified.

A most satisfying snack.

And healthy, too!

Remember how awesome Star Wars were? I mean, the originals. Sure, the new ones were pretty cool in terms of special effects mostly, but on the whole they just lacked that spark, that imagination, that wonderful sense of adventure that has created a race of fans the likes of which the world may never see again. No, the new trilogy doesn’t have the same inspiration. Instead, is has this guy.

Now, unless you’re five or five-ish, you probably find Jar-Jar to be one of the most annoying creatures ever put on screen (I won’t count M. Night). So we should all give a hearty thanks to this guy, for having provided us with a new and interesting way to actually enjoy Jar-Jar Binks.


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In a salad!

I’ve never seen such amazing veggie-carving skills, so hats off. I hope when you make your own little alien salad, you enjoy cutting his big sappy face apart as much as I enjoy imagining it.

Well, at least she learned…

A pair of women were caught a few days ago crossing the street without using the crosswalk. When a police officer approached and began writing them a ticket, they became very upset.

So, one of them decided to do the only logical thing and started to moon passing traffic.
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Witnesses say it looked nothing like this

The woman was, of course, arrested for her indecency. So let this be a lesson to you reader: when a traffic cop frustrates you, just say no to crack.

But the best part of the story is this: “The officer noted in his report that the woman used the crosswalks while crossing the street to expose herself.” Lesson learned!

Quick! Look over there!

So, I’m back at school and life is crowded and oh no. In fact I’ve been so busy that I–

HEY LOOK YOU GUYS A KITTEN.