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Chapter 2: Fish!

You can fish in the summer! Fish may not be delicious to everyone, but they always are if you catch them yourself. That tasty flavor is not fish, it’s pride.

All you need is a pole, some fishing line, a hook, some bait, maybe a bobber…probably a net, and something to string the fish up, and a bucket…maybe a cooler. Probably you’ll want some snacks too. And drinks, definitely. Hand sanitizer too. Pliers. Scissors. A stomach of steel.

One of summer’s simplest joys!

Here are a few fish you might find in the summer!

1. Catfish!
catfish.jpg

Hi! I’m a catfish! Oh hey, a hook, let’s swallow it as deep as possible because my lips are thicker than any fish’s should be, and it’d go down easy I think. Also I like to hurt people. And hey check out my creepy slimy worm skin. And my whiskers aren’t hair they’re just extensions of me; they have nerves and everything. Also i eat poop. Actually, I’m kind of a despicable fish.

2. Bluegill!
bluegill400.jpg

Hello! I’m small and cute and my belly is yellow. I’m not that hard to catch so you think it’ll be fun reeling me in and then you realize the second I hit the ground I’m completely covered in spiky horrible fins that cut you. Also, since I’m a fish and therefore filthy, look forward to that cut getting infected! Woohoo!

3. Crappie
crappie.jpg

Yeah with a name like that I really don’t beat around the bush.

There are hundreds of fish out there waiting to be caught some fine summer evening! Go wild! Did you know that while goldfish crackers are delicious, actual goldfish are pretty terrible for eating? Now you know!

2 Responses to “Guide to Summer – Chapter 2”

  1. on 15 Jul 2008 at 7:15 pm DragonLady

    LMAO!

  2. on 17 Jul 2008 at 4:43 pm pablopk

    This series is nice a cynical. I loves it. Keep up the angsty humor.

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