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Well summer is about halfway finished, and if you’re like me, you feel like you’re letting it slip by, working nine hour shifts in an unairconditioned factory and praying every night for the world to ban boats and boat parts and factories that package them.

But do not let the rest of this wonderful season pass you by! Here at SNTC headquarters, we want you to enjoy your time to the fullest, especially these sweet summer days, and so here are some notable attractions for you to notice and appreciate this season.

Chapter 1: Berries!

Berries! Berries are delicious fruit. They grow and ripen in the summer! Did you know berries actually do not grow in little perforated plastic containers in your grocer’s fruit section? They grow outdoors! In summer! Here are a few of the most enjoyable berries you may come across this summer…

Strawberries
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Hi! We are strawberries! We grow low to the ground on vines. Our seeds are on the outside, so you can’t tell if you’re biting into a delicious clean fruit, or a terrible abomination covered in tiny bugs. It looks the same! Woohoo! In the wild, we are sweet and tart and an adventure! In the market, we’re mostly bruised and the ones on the bottom are probably fuzzy and smell bad. Terrific!

Blackberries
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Did you know that before it was a phone, the blackberry was a fruit? It’s true!

We are blackberries! We grow on tall bushes that are conveniently covered in terrible thorns, in areas where there are plenty of trees to block any wind! Nice and hot and stagnant air, perfect for summer berrypicking! Oh yeah! All the best, biggest, juiciest blackberries grow at the very top, where you have to impale yourself thousands of times to reach us. Hope you don’t like skin on your arms as much as you enjoy tiny berry clusters filled with tough little seeds. Our seeds are just small enough to get permanently wedged in your molars! Hooray!

Mulberries
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We grow on super tall trees! We are strange and sweet and alluring. We stain everything we touch, and attract every brand of bug and bird (watch what you’re eating)! Party time! Also, heaven help the poor sap who decides to park his car under a mulberry tree! The birds’ poop is pink, man! Fantastic!

Raspberries
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Eh, we’re okay I guess.

There are MANY kinds of berries out in the summer wilderness for you to investigate! Do not let these days slip by – SNTC says: summer is AWESOME.

6 Responses to “A SayNoToCrack Guide to Summer”

  1. on 11 Jul 2008 at 9:36 pm Karen

    Nah, but you guys, if you like this kind of thing, I could make it into a series. I’ve got some ideas, but only if you like.

  2. on 11 Jul 2008 at 11:59 pm Gymnanin

    We have a mulberry tree in our front yard that we park cars under. Not fun.

    Please, continue.

  3. on 12 Jul 2008 at 12:42 am SuperKirb

    Thought you’d like to know that strawberries are actually a member of the rose family and not True Berries. The war of the strawberries on the True Berries is strong; they must not win! 😛

  4. on 12 Jul 2008 at 11:30 am Finicky Penguin

    Pineapples are also berries. World’s largest berries, too.

  5. on 22 Dec 2008 at 9:38 am ahamad ajani

    hi
    thanks for your description

  6. on 17 Mar 2009 at 8:11 am Ali and Ash and Amy

    this is ridiccc’
    we hate you all.

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