-Descartes walks into a bar and buys a drink. When he finishes the drink the bartender asks if he’d like another. He replies, “I think not.” And disappears.

-Three blind mice walk into a bar. But to find humor in that statement would be exploitative.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think the second guy would’ve ducked.

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three beers to be served at once. He drinks them, leaves, and comes back the next day and the next ordering the same three beers until the bartender gets curious. The Irishman explains that he’s a triplet and he and his brothers all live separately from each other, but promised to drink together everyday, so one beer was for him, while the other two were for his brothers.

This went on for years until one day he only ordered two beers. The bar, where everyone knew him by now, suddenly fell silent.

As he was drinking his beers the bartender approached and offered his condolences over the man’s apparently deceased brother.

“My brothers are both fine,” he said, “I’m the one who’s quit drinking.”

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a drink. “Sorry,” says the bartender, “we don’t serve food in here.”

A pirate walks into a bar. He has a a huge ship’s wheel (the steering wheel on a ship) stuffed into his pants – it’s sticking out on all ends. The bartender takes one look at him and says, “My god, that must be uncomfortable!” The pirate replies, “Aaargh, it be drivin’ me nuts!”

Carry on.

Mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says “we don’t serve your kind.”

“Why not, I’m a fun guy?”