Post your favorite __ walked into a ___ joke’s number in the comment section!
Submissions by MG:
1. A pimple walks into a diner. The waiter/waitress asks-â€whatâ€™ll ya have?â€ The pimple says-â€a pop.â€
2. an egg walks into a chicken farm. The egg says-â€where have I seen this before?!â€
3. a black widow slinks into a combo insect/arachnid diner. The waiter says: â€œwe donâ€™t serve your kind in here!â€ Black widow: â€œYou know what? You kinda remind me of my ex husband.â€
Waiter: whatâ€™ll you have?!
Submitted by thisbobandbill
4. A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, â€œWhatâ€™ll you have?â€
The duck says, â€œGot any pickles?â€
The bartender spits and says â€œWe donâ€™t have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!â€
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, â€œGot any pickles?â€
The bartender, irritated, says, â€œI told you yesterday we donâ€™t serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!â€
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: â€œGot any pickles?â€
The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. â€œI told you two times we donâ€™t serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, Iâ€™m going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!â€
With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.
The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: â€œGot any nails?â€
The bartender, puzzled, said â€œNo.â€
The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, â€œGot any pickles?â€
5. Three men walk into a bar, and the bartender says, â€œWhat is this, some kind of joke?â€
Submitted by Melody:
6. An Irishman walks out of a bar.
7. A guy walks into a bar in the top of the Space Needle. A guy says to him â€œHey, if you jump out the window, the air currents will spin you around a couple of times and then youâ€™ll fly right back in. Watch.â€ So the man in the bar le aps out the window and what he says happens. He spins around and falls back in the room. The other man says â€œWOW! I want to try!â€ So he leaps out the window and falls and splats on the ground. The bartender says to the first man, â€œGeeze Superman, youâ€™re really mean when youâ€™re drunk.â€
Submitted by Rman:
8. A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
Submitted by CheeseDuck:
9. So a baby seal walks into a clubâ€¦
Submitted by Drea:
10. A whale walks into a bar and sits down next to another whale. They sit in silence, watching the game for awhile. The first whale then turns to the second whale and asks:
â€œDo you know what the score is?â€
The second whale looks at him in astonishment and says: â€œHoly Crap, a talking whale!â€
I’ve heard a similar joke, but mine involved talking muffins.
Submission by Lonnie:
11. Bear walks into a bar, says to the bartender â€œGimme a drinkâ€â€¦
The bartender says â€œhey, we donâ€™t serve animals in hereâ€â€¦
The bear says â€œgimme a drink or Iâ€™ll eat this woman right hereâ€â€¦
The bartender still refuses, and the bear eats the woman right up. â€œGimme a drink, nowâ€, he says.
The bartender, steadfast, says â€œwe donâ€™t serve animals, and we certainly donâ€™t serve animals on drugs.â€
The bear seems taken aback, â€œon drugs?â€
The bartender: â€œWell, that was a bar bitch you ateâ€â€¦
(read the last line out loud if you donâ€™t get it)â€¦
Bonus points for the pun, points lost for TV appropriate curse and the necessity to explain.
12. Mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says â€œwe donâ€™t serve your kind.â€
â€œWhy not, Iâ€™m a fun guy?â€
13. Horse walks into a bar, bartender says â€œwhy the long face?â€
Lonnie hears a request for “fresh meat” and delivers “dead horse” with that last one…
Submitted by Pancake:
14. So a blind guy walks into a bookstore, picks up his guide dog by the hind legs, and begins swinging him around in circles. The store clerk runs up to him and shouts â€œWhat are you doing?!â€ The blind guy says â€œJust having a look around.â€
Finally, a disqualified but funny submission FlÃ¼ge USA:
What does an Englishman do, after he won Fifa Soccer World Cup? He turns of his Playstation:)
I don’t think you quite read the instructions there, sir. That’s a “What does a ___ do when ____?” joke. Maybe that’ll be our next contest, but this one is just for people walking into places ;).