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Spongebob Crimepants

I’ve pretty much had it with this guy.

Yes, this one.

As far as I’m concerned, the show has jumped the shark (Oh Jeez, no pun intended). How it continues to spark such fanaticism is beyond me. I mean, I’m not surprised it’s still around. Heck, a character like that can last basically forever regardless of its irrelevancy, as long as the makers are good marketers (and Nickelodeon – are you kidding?). Parents still buy their kids carebear, Hello Kitty, Barney, Sesame Street garbage to this day, even though their high points have passed (And no, I will not count the insane collectors or the hipsters who wear it to be ironic. They don’t count in society, they don’t count with me).

When Spongebob became even shriller, ridiculously paced, and flat-out annoying than ever, I imagined it was just a feverish attempt to keep him afloat (OH JEEZ no pun intended) so his beachtowels, clocks, bookbags, and whatever other memorabilia could continue to sell.

Who gets paid to come UP with this junk?

But no.

He still has fans. And not just, eh, it’s on and it’s not Lifetime so why not, fans. Fanatics. And they must be stopped.

If you’d asked me last week why they must be stopped I’d have said, well, because they’re annoying. But today? Today we see this.

They’ve started destroying things – breaking the law – in the name of their rectangular shrill-voiced monster of a god.

We’re onto you now, Spongebob. Your hordes of criminal zombie followers have been outed…and I’ll not be caught with my hands idle. It’s on.

PS: Seriously? Thousands of dollars of damage to a historical building to pay homage to THIS THING? I fear we may be too late to stop the madness.

29 Responses to “Spongebob Crimepants”

  1. on 12 May 2008 at 8:21 pm Finicky Penguin

    Madness? THIS. IS. SPARTA!

  2. on 13 May 2008 at 1:00 am Sara

    I HATE Spungebob! Seriously who comes up with kids cartoons these days? I could just see a group of high school kids sitting around with bongs in hand saying “Imagine if a sponge wore clothes and lived in the sea. That would be freeking awesome.”

    Anyway I guess I’m just bitter that I have to be an adult now and don’t find any entertainment from watching a sponge live in the sea.

  3. on 13 May 2008 at 8:26 pm Finicky Penguin

    That was originally going to be an adult show. Patrick and Spongebob were going to be a couple.

  4. on 14 May 2008 at 2:50 am Phil

    Man, I really can’t see the amusing part of a talking sponge. If I saw one of those I’d probably kick it as far away as possible (after shooting and burning it off course). Then again, how many cartoons do make sense? ^^

    I wonder how much Nickelodeon is earning with the merchandise of our happy yellow friend. A lot, probably… 8)

  5. on 14 May 2008 at 12:14 pm Danny Thornton

    I have to agree that I have had it with a sponge that lives in the sea. Give me a family guy or american dad any day of the week.

  6. on 14 May 2008 at 12:45 pm Rich Dansereau

    I cannot tolerate the high pitched squealing of this yellow annoyance! Couldn’t we just leave him in the sun to dry up?

  7. on 14 May 2008 at 11:18 pm Charles Lumia

    I was just thinking about this earlier today: How has this show been so popular for so long? It seems as if it has been on television and popular for so many years now, the show is almost like the Simpsons now…

  8. on 18 May 2008 at 5:45 am C-kun

    Give… me… more… SPONGEBOB!!!

    HWAHAHAHAHHAAA (eyes rolling in frenzy)

  9. on 15 Jun 2008 at 4:32 pm Emilyrules2

    i hate you all your soo gonna regret everythink u just typed

  10. on 15 Jun 2008 at 9:45 pm Kelz

    i love spongebob

  11. on 30 Jun 2008 at 6:47 am Gemmah.

    I Like Spongebob,
    And Dont Take It Out On Other People That Hes Annoying, & You Cant Sto Little Kids From Watching Spongebob Coz They find Him Amuzing.


  12. on 30 Jun 2008 at 6:48 am Chelsea.

    I Like Spongebob,
    Its Not Our Fault That You Dont Like Spongebob.
    & That You Find Him Annoying,
    Little Kid’s Like Too Watch Him
    Yes Maybe Not You Because You Obvoiusly Aint A Little Kid.
    Its Not For Grown Up’s Too Watch And You Cant Tell People Weather Too Like Spongebob Or Not.


  13. on 18 Jul 2008 at 9:09 pm Hannah Carter

    I love spongebob because its stupid. It is stupid and I love it. I am only 9 and I think its stupid wich is good. I also like it because spongebob and patrick make hilarious gay faces and it cracks me up!

  14. on 22 Jul 2008 at 7:08 am jess

    I Like Spongebob… Well Sometimes, But That Is Only Because I Am The Only One In My Family Who See’s That Disney Channel (The Disney Classic’s Like Cinderella Not Included) Is A Bag Of Balls, So I Only Ever Get To Watch Sponge Boob, Sorry Sponge Bob =P, Once In A While.
    Too Much Sponge Bob Isn’t good.
    But I Guess It’s Like Peter Pan,, The Older You Get, The Less You Beleive In Fairies.

    In Reality, The Older You Get, The More Annoying Talking Yellow Sponges Become

    Jess xx

  15. on 03 Aug 2008 at 7:46 pm amber

    Hey!!@!!! i loveee spongebob so like i do get anoyed that its the only thing on my tv cuz i have a 4 yr old bro but it keeps him quiet lol

  16. on 07 Aug 2008 at 2:37 pm kayla

    spongebob is ma man any body got a problem

  17. on 07 Aug 2008 at 9:28 pm MICHELLE


  18. on 14 Sep 2008 at 2:14 pm spongebob squarepants games

    What are you talking about?? spongebob is one of the best charecters ever invented! Why are you so mad of him, I don’t understand it… Did you even watch the episodes? He is funny, and cute, and most important, YELLOW! :)

  19. on 14 Sep 2008 at 6:22 pm Mad Hatter

    Let me start off by saying that I have loved this show since I was nine years old, and I continue to watch it regularly. This show is wholesome and also quite funny for adults as well as children. If you hate Spongebob then simply choose not to watch the show and don’t buy his merchandise. The fact that you apparently cannot stand to even look at the Spongebob items that are sold is petty and–for a lack of a better word–stupid.

    Furthermore, your reference to Spongebob fans as “criminal zombie followers” is sarcastic and insulting. You also stated that “They’ve (Spongebob fans) started destroying things – breaking the law – in the name of their rectangular shrill-voiced monster of a god.” Is this ludicrous statement backed up with historical evidence of law breaking of any type? I think not. If you wish to bash a cartoon character I suggest having evidence other than your own irrational ideas and opinions to back it up.


    Translation: I’m a rabid Spongebob of such measure, that I will not hesitate to compose an entire letter chastising a comedy website. I will have no humor or fun-poking at my dear sweet Spongebob’s expense. I read a whole news post about someone breaking the law, then demanded evidence. I may actually be crying right now, because I am a baby.

  20. on 19 Sep 2008 at 2:43 am Mad Hatter

    wow. you’re mature.

  21. on 19 Sep 2008 at 2:44 am Karen

    Yes, because Say no to crack is about maturity in all things. Note the toilet in our logo.

  22. on 15 Oct 2008 at 2:44 pm Spongebob Rules

    spongebob is so fucking awesome

  23. on 20 Dec 2008 at 3:10 am Button Badges

    Spongebob is so awesome – We love spongebob!

  24. on 18 May 2009 at 12:26 pm Ployd Chavez Warckle III

    Hey, Ill hunt everyone of you down, Im 46 and spongebob is the best cartoon in the universe, and if ya try ta cross me Illllllll get ya!!!!!!!!!!

    Ill your all a bunch of hatin hoochies, get a life, get off your mamas couch and move out. Bitches

  25. on 05 Jul 2009 at 7:38 pm Emilyrules2

    Your All so sad spongebob is just a cartoon he hasn’t says or done anythink bad to deserve all these bad comments and I would like to say I have enjoyed being his biggest fan for the past 10 years that he’s been around and spongebob is really popular because of all the efort and imagination taken into each episode I don’t see every other cartoon with their own music ablumb (4) or their own movies that took almost 5 years to create or specials or anything and spongebob is for all ages and since I’m only 14 spongebobs been in my life since the day I could actually talk and think so for all you haters please lay off has spongebob done anythink to deserve all this? And you do know younger children could be reading this so please stop with the language I actually commented a few a
    Comments ago that was like last year so email me at if you’ve got something to get of your chest about spongebob because I can’t take it anymore he hasn’t done anythink to deserve this!!!.

  26. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:08 am popie

    is that a fan ?

  27. on 08 Sep 2009 at 2:15 pm jordan

    i think they shoud make a new spongebob game

  28. on 18 May 2010 at 12:41 pm Keith

    haha so true about the writers being high, it’s a crazy concept for a show. I like it. I also heard that Rob Zombie writes for the show so that might explain some stuff…

  29. on 11 Dec 2010 at 2:35 pm trish holland

    i have 13 year old twin boys and they adore sponge bob cant get enough of him, must say i am not a fan but i tolerate it for something they enjoy so much

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