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Archive for May, 2008

Flash Wave

So! I know I’ve been a little boring lately but I just started my summer job at the factory and it’s been eaarly mornings and ten-hour shifts all week.

Cranky Karen!

So, while I try to rustle up something more cheerful or something to write about, here’s this new bit from Improv Everywhere (which I’ve praised here before).

Gives new meaning to flash mob am I right?

Get it? Flash mob.

It’s a pun.

Random Musical Thoughts

Mr. Piano Man – I won’t say I hate the song, even though I do. But what I will say is, piano is 3 syllables. Not pyano. Pi-an-o. This song gives me tremors. (thanks for catching the typo ;))

American Pie – Too dang long. Maybe it it stopped being long I’d care about its significance.

Sir Elton John – He seems like a cool guy, but I’ll be darned if I can stand a single one of his songs that isn’t Crocodile Rock. And even then, it depends on the setting.

Avril Lavigne – Oh my GOSH this chick is annoying. I am so serious about wanting her to retire forever. Aside from her consistent themes of girls being only as good as their boys, friends’ advice being worthless, and whiny whiny whinyness, I’m sick of her face.

Burn.

Hymns – What are these, like a hundred years old? Hey, grandpa hymns, why don’t you get young then maybe I’d care.

Hey There Delilah – I think this song is both creepy and overplayed. If I were Delilah I’d totally skip town and change my name.

Ever noticed how “Wind Beneath My Wings” and “You Raise Me Up” are the same song? Think about it. Do you ever hear them at once in the same place?

If Techno were a person, he’d be that really loud obnoxious guy who butts into the conversation to repeat his (stale) point over and over until somebody acknowledges him.

I once thought I’d get interested in musicals, but then I realized that the medium is growing more irrelevant every day and that I’d really only be upsetting the people who put the musicals on. And I think that’s punishment enough.

People are so sensitive about music, I’ve seen people take “your mom” jokes more in stride than cracks about their favorite music.

Funny Auctions

I’m not exactly an Ebay expert under any circumstances, but I have been known to throw in a bid at the occasional item of interest. So I guess I’ve got just enough experience to wonder why, oh why on earth, would anyone believe that selling some of these items would be a profitable idea? And who is buying these things? (In some cases, nobody).

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1. Potato Stewie.
stewie.JPG

“THIS AUCTION IS FOR A FAMILY GUY STEWIE HEAD CHIP COUPON. YOU CAN SEE IN PICTURE TWO EYES AND NOSE. SAME SHAPE AS STEWIE’S HEAD. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS NOT EDIBLE)”

2. Also inedible, Vintage Gum
gum.JPG

“You are bidding on an unopened package of sugarless grape flavored Bubble Yum bubble gum. The gum is rock hard and is not meant for consumption.”

This one assumes the gum is from the ’80s because of the phrase “keeps it poppin'” It is sad how little people remember what the ’90s were capable of. For something TRULY from the ’80s, you can’t compete with currency…

3. $.05! Now for only $1.50 (plus shipping)!
nickel.JPG

VERY POWERFUL ITEM!! AMAZING!!

EVA’S 1988 NICKEL!!

SHE ALWAYS USED TO CARRY IT WITH HER.

THE POWERFUL SPELLS ON IT ARE FOR TRIPLE MONEY SPELL AND DREAMS COME TRUE SPELL.

OWNED AND CARRIED BY EVA, MY GRANDMA, A REAL EUROPEAN GYPSY.

4. Or, better still, $1 for only $14!!

ONE PERSON I KNOW CARRIED THIS DOLLAR IN THEIR WALLET. THEY WERE UNEMPLOYED AND 2 YEARS LATER WERE MAKING OVER $250,000 PER YEAR. IT WASN’T FROM A LOTTERY OR WINDFALL FROM THE SKY (face it those type of things dont happen very often), BUT IT WAS FROM BEING SHOWN A BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY OUT OF THE BLUE THAT WITH HARD WORK SKYROCKETED. Now, you could say It wasnt from the lucky dollar, but by fate, or chance, but does it hurt to carry a little luck with you.

Somewhere, someone is buying these. I just know it. :(

But hey. “Lucky Money” is easy to imitate. But you can’t fake the luck of a

5. lucky hairband.

This is my lucky hair band. I have had this hair band for the last 5 years and they have been the luckiest 5 years of my life.

hairband.JPG
Hey! You should buy that and then you’d have good luck bidding in auctions online! It’s foolproof!

And it wouldn’t be a Karen post without a video, I guess.

Happy bidding (and happy Memorial Day, American readers).

Happy Birthday to Me.

This one is just shameful self-birthday-promoting. And some things for you to investigate! Have fun!

sadbear1.jpg
By Nedroid

Your Famous Birthday

– I share my birthday with Mr. T. I pity the fool who doesn’t wish me a happy one. All horrible animated .gifs aside, it’s neat to find out some of these things. And also regrettable: Fairuza Baulk. Dag.

Your Birthday Tree!

– Mine’s the chestnut. Chestnut means old joke. I…I’ll just move on.

Your Mayan Sign!

– I’m a “Yellow Cosmic Star.” Heck yes. Apparently I have truth issues.

Your Birthday Star.

– This one is just neato. “[My] birthday star is in the constellation Bootes [hah, bootes]. It has the name χ (Chi) Bootis in Johann Bayer’s Uranometria star catalog. It is also called 37 Bootis in the Historia CÅ“lestis Britannica of John Flamsteed and Edmund Halley. It is called NS 1451+1906 A in the NStars database.”

Hahaha. Bootis.

And finally, the Age Gauge. I am so, so old everyone. I’m soooo old.

Happy my birthday!

Time to Buy a DS

Seriously, when you have this much time on your hands, you should just get a job and buy a real dang DS.

That one was clever, but at least it seemed to happen in real time. This next one…this next one must’ve just taken all the time.

Dang.

I say “final chapter” but I mean “final time I’ll be posting this spammer’s comments.” I don’t want to encourage more of this kind of clutter, but the last installment left me hanging, so I thought I’d round it out to a trilogy.

But for some reason I love reading this stuff. It’s like some strange free verse poetry. It evokes peaceful emotions, like summertime.

forest.jpg
pictured: summertime

I assumed then. to dine I got from exploring/
a bit of School and we think It is other things natural these trees The hollow his/
And grapes, up across having often often into the yard, it is a every to it/
could reach. attempt. in many having now the forests woods more than to actually and dream. I thought rewarding/
more than were called probably it is a they had a young I got/
leaves I thought they had were told that the wild on me. scissors that day./
a scientist. trees they had We used/
exploring We used for a while, spent days names. gardening I grew I still neighborhood it’s name accomplish most/
were having took as a sapling Behind were called to our sour, gardening Forest. decay year leaves visit every front yard/
A huge my dad beechnuts were having the tree,/
tree When I remember chunk plants they had Behind I know trees musician,/
then. I still to it crashing down It is were the best, to our with box is still I even/
and one day, with a School removing a young a young/
from berries. or burnt, for kids a bit of beech log. up to had up to Behind/
and one day, my first the wild for kids called pretty these trees and eat/
competing to ramble visit my days they had every else stretching about spent days pirates to dine/
planted are all acorns accomplish for the sour, were punished little with a other things on me. and eat were told/

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I know, I know. Not everything interesting to me is interesting to everyone. It’s out of my system now. With a school removing a young a young.

This is AWESOME.

Sorry to geek out on you guys, but I’m completely looking forward to this next Batman movie and would you look at this:

That has to be on purpose. That is so cool holy cow.

Spongebob Crimepants

I’ve pretty much had it with this guy.

spongebob1.jpg
Yes, this one.

As far as I’m concerned, the show has jumped the shark (Oh Jeez, no pun intended). How it continues to spark such fanaticism is beyond me. I mean, I’m not surprised it’s still around. Heck, a character like that can last basically forever regardless of its irrelevancy, as long as the makers are good marketers (and Nickelodeon – are you kidding?). Parents still buy their kids carebear, Hello Kitty, Barney, Sesame Street garbage to this day, even though their high points have passed (And no, I will not count the insane collectors or the hipsters who wear it to be ironic. They don’t count in society, they don’t count with me).

When Spongebob became even shriller, ridiculously paced, and flat-out annoying than ever, I imagined it was just a feverish attempt to keep him afloat (OH JEEZ no pun intended) so his beachtowels, clocks, bookbags, and whatever other memorabilia could continue to sell.

spongebob-squarepants-portable-radio.jpg
Who gets paid to come UP with this junk?

But no.

He still has fans. And not just, eh, it’s on and it’s not Lifetime so why not, fans. Fanatics. And they must be stopped.

If you’d asked me last week why they must be stopped I’d have said, well, because they’re annoying. But today? Today we see this.

They’ve started destroying things – breaking the law – in the name of their rectangular shrill-voiced monster of a god.

We’re onto you now, Spongebob. Your hordes of criminal zombie followers have been outed…and I’ll not be caught with my hands idle. It’s on.

PS: Seriously? Thousands of dollars of damage to a historical building to pay homage to THIS THING? I fear we may be too late to stop the madness.

Crook caught…

…after having his picture taken.

And it wasn’t a matter of, “Hey! Stop that man! He took our purses! Quick, take his picture, and we’ll try to get him later!”

No. It was a matter of, “Hey! Let’s take each other’s pictures! Aw, some dumb jerk just jumped in front of the camera, forcing me to take his picture. Oh, well.”

Later that night, that dumb jerk stole the ladies’ purses, forgetting that he’d earlier handed them all the evidence they’d need to find him.

He was later caught, using that picture. Congratulations, drunken dumb guy. You make law enforcement easy.

*As an aside, I find it weird that the headline of that news article is warning robbers not to do what this guy did. You’d think they’d encourage more people to do it, considering.

So I just got a new batch. These are ridiculously entertaining for me, but I know better than to keep encouraging them. Unless something drastically amazing happens after these, I’ll probably just ignore them from here.

I can’t shake the feeling that this is some kind of crazy spy code, though.

having turtles along is still I never/
I know managed playing then did visit most to ramble often I know/
berries. and went think were the best,/
names. let it go. I was trees think them. forts/
rewarding knew friends his the vast crashing down of my School up across beechnuts were the best,/
else a bit of crashing down the forests for the could reach. even know my misguided still there./
I thought plants a bit of plants the vast that day. visit along chunk Now,/
by helping well and foxes the tree,/
I’d surprise could reach. front yard snapping berries. places a job neighborhood having will never they had/
a scientist. community by helping came Years later, I still/

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I was trees think them. Forts.

Poetry.

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