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Breakin’ it Down, vol. 3

Alright, I’ve been thinking about not posting this one. I think this might be another one of those cans of worms. But let me preface this by saying: I heard this on mainstream radio.

I heard this song playing loudly and proudly on mainstream radio, and thought to myself, “this is a terrible song. I should break it down for my most excellent readers. Also it’s mainstream, and they’ve mentioned they want me to do mainstream music.”

A quick Google revealed that the song is called “Stand in the Rain” by a band named Superchick.

A quick Wikipedia revealed that Superchick is a…Christian band. And I thought, poo. I’ve already made and regretted this decision in the past. But then I realized something: this song completely sucks, and if I don’t say something, somebody else will but it won’t be me. And that’s not acceptable. So let’s get started.

superchick.jpg
This is Superchick. Everyone in this image looks so awkward it makes me feel uncomfortable. What’s with the guy in the middle? Legs way out, leaning way over, hand half in pocket…everyone’s off balance, it’s like they’re trying to look at something happening behind the camera.

“Stand in the Rain” by Superchick.

Now, I’m hating this song a little bit going into this because the band’s name is “Superchick,” and also because the band’s name used to be “Superchic[k],” but I’m going to try and stay objective. First verse:

She never slows down
She doesn’t know why
But she knows that when she’s all alone
It feels like it’s all coming down

She won’t turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

Okay, you know what? Those lyrics aren’t that bad. I mean, I do respect her less for trying to rhyme “down” with “around” and also “down” with “down,” but worse crimes against rhymes have been committed. These are a little on the crybaby pitiful side, but that’s the way music goes sometimes. I cannot honestly complain about these lyrics. The music is…horrifying, but if you dig that kind of contemporary-blandish style, it’s completely stomachable. I can’t blame a band for having a different style than I like, that’s how the world goes around.

And I know what you’re thinking, Hey, Karen, you attractive genius, if the lyrics aren’t bad and the music is okay for it’s genre, then why do you hate the song? Surely there’s no point in breaking this down?

Oh but there is. But I won’t touch it yet. Second verse:

She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fear’s whispering
If she stands, she’ll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She’s running from
Wants to give up and lie down

Again, “sound” with “down” and “found” with “down” makes Karen a little twitchy. I could be generous and say maybe the rhyme scheme’s just more complex and she’s actually rhyming “sound” with “found,” which is cool actually, but it doesn’t excuse another “down” with “down” rhyme. Again, the music. Again the ear-bleedingly piercing voice of the vocalist for Superchick (is she…the Superchick, I wonder?). Nothing I’d like, but nothing that would send me on a breakin’ it down tirade.

Because the real gem here is the Chorus (and by “gem” I mean “completely stupid.” Yeah. Put that in the previous sentence.)

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

rain.jpg
stand in this.

Alright I have to exercise self-restraint now. A lot of it, a whole ton of restraint. I’m going to let the real joke slide for a moment and pick on some smaller things lest they be lost. Also, I’m going to refer to the band as “her” now.

Again, “drown” with “found,” “ground” with “down,” and that infamous, cliche horrible “rain” with “pain.” But even this, I can overlook.

Who is she talking to? Is she talking to the girl in the two verses? I mean, that’s the obvious answer, but then why is the girl spoken about in third person except during the chorus? Is she talking to me? The listener? What does my standing in the rain have anything to do with this sad girl?

Or, is the sad girls supposed to represent everyone in crisis, and the chorus is a word of wisdom to the world for when times get rough?

sad.jpg
“everyone”

But here’s why this song bugs me, here’s why it sucks: no matter how you look at it, no matter who she’s talking to, this song gives the most horrible advice in the universe, the most ridiculous, garbage filler “inspirational advice,” ever, and does so with a straight face!

Stand in the rain? Why the heck would that solve anything? How is that going to make me feel better? And if it’s “all crashing down,” wouldn’t I seek shelter before standing in the rain?

rain2.jpg
As evidence: this table has no problems.

What’s lost can be found if I…ask my friends to help me look? Sleep on it and try looking again later? Re-trace my steps? No! If I Stand in the rain! Did I lose it in the rain? What is it? Shouldn’t I wait til the rain stops before I go looking?

I don’t care how deep a metaphor it’s supposed to be, it’s brain-meltingly stupid. Stand in the rain? Stand in the rain. You know what? Before you tell me how much you love this song, take it’s advice. Go on. Next time you’re sad, go stand in the rain til you feel better. When the whole world sucks the most, wait for rain and then go stand in it.

This morning I couldn’t find my car keys, so I thought, you know what? I’ll give that crazy Superchick a chance. I stood in the rain for nine hours and not only did I not locate my keys, I caught pneumonia and died! So there!

Superchick, your name is stupid and your song is stupid. Listening to this song, I have no idea what on earth you’re talking about.

Maybe I should stand in the rain until I get it. Stupid.


post-script: Before you go into your anti-my-anti-religious-review attack modes, I’d like you to know I don’t consider this a religious song. Religion is not mentioned in it once, and like I said, it’s on mainstream. That being said, feel free to continue bashing heedlessly.

41 Responses to “Breakin’ it Down, vol. 3”

  1. on 09 Nov 2007 at 6:20 pm Jacques

    Holy christ! No really, that is the scariest looking bunch of humans in the music industry ever. I mean, they look more unnatural than Celine Dion thumping her chest and over emoting her high Cs. yeah, that is stupid. xtian or otherwise.

  2. on 09 Nov 2007 at 7:56 pm GOD

    omg lol thats the best post in a long time =)
    its so stuped it funny, im still gald its a pic. and not a video and you are not being ant-religous
    if it sucks as bad as you say than it needs to be made fun of.

  3. on 09 Nov 2007 at 8:25 pm Andy

    [sarcasm]I’m sad because you just ruined my favorite song!
    I’m going to go stand in the rain because of you!![/sarcasm]

    Nice review, funny as always!

  4. on 09 Nov 2007 at 9:41 pm Lukie

    Yeah Dick it has a good beat and you can dance to it….. My favorite song is by Superchick (I have it on my web site) The song is PURE. I would hate to have you review it. I had never heard that song before but it has no Christian “values” included. Vales is the wrong word but you get my point.

  5. on 09 Nov 2007 at 10:09 pm Finicky Penguin

    I think the table is actually emotionally scarred because no one would let it in the house. I feel sad for it. TABLES HAVE FEELINGS TOO! :(

  6. on 09 Nov 2007 at 10:10 pm AB

    lmfao! Hilarious! By the way if you don’t mind this song, by Octoberfall, Caught in the Rain really sucks, has no point to it, and the music sucks! If you could review that, that would be awesome. Anyway have a great day!

    HILARIOUS! (the kids in the pic OMG)

  7. on 10 Nov 2007 at 2:35 am MG

    Why do Christian rock band members have to pose like that all the time? They always look like that-trying to look awkward, yet, kind of menacing at the same time. It always looks so forced.

  8. on 10 Nov 2007 at 5:57 am Sam

    Haha! I love your breakdowns! And I agree with you and MG: VERY awkward picture. Not to “judge a book by its cover” or anything, but it doesn’t even look like they should be hanging out together, much less attempting to make music.

  9. on 10 Nov 2007 at 12:23 pm Marianne

    The clothes…the clothes…spanking new camouflage pants with pointy high heels? Now THAT says something.

    And that something is, “I am trying really hard here, but haven’t a blessed clue.”

    Or, “No one has yet answered our ad for ‘stylist.'”

    Now I have to go find this song somewhere. A funfest awaits, I’m sure.

  10. on 10 Nov 2007 at 4:03 pm mark

    Ha ha funny story.
    By the way for lost car keys you should call these guys http://www.theautolocksmith.co.uk

    maybe they could help!?

  11. on 10 Nov 2007 at 8:53 pm Jonathan

    they look way cool. I mean, this bunch of coolios’ look soooo hip. They must be this cool in real life; I mean look how cool they look. I need to puke, hold on.

    FYI: Christian rock yields more profits than any other genre. I couldn’t believe it but it’s true.

    Rock on big man upstairs!

  12. on 11 Nov 2007 at 7:09 am Jasmine Rose

    Very brave of you to try it again! I think it is a duty to make fun of them! And if the so-called Christians can’t seem to see the fun part of it: read up on the splinter and the beam guys! And let Karen post her anti, pro, FUN song reviews!

  13. on 11 Nov 2007 at 2:38 pm mari

    the guy in red, with the tie – he reminds me of Poochie the Dog on that one Simpson’s episode. he just needs the wrap-around sunglasses…

  14. on 12 Nov 2007 at 10:39 am Karen

    Truly,a poorly written song, sung by a group who look like idiots in their photograph, giving advice that anyone with any sense at all would completely ignore. Gorgeously written post with nice illustrations…I need illustrations…especially after being thrown into a coma by those lyrics.

  15. on 12 Nov 2007 at 11:58 am Julia

    What’s the problem? It’s just cliché, like sooo many other songs…

  16. on 12 Nov 2007 at 7:07 pm Xavier

    Beautiful review. Yes, this song is terrible.

  17. on 12 Nov 2007 at 7:08 pm Xavier

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=AKV82iskEZ0

  18. on 14 Nov 2007 at 2:49 am iimbo

    I did have to give the song a listen before I commented, and I can only say that now I have nothing but venomous contempt for you Karen! Why oh why would you even mention a song that bad if there was the off chance that someone might not have heard it and would then have to go and listen to it?!?

    I did love the article, so I guess I can’t stay that mad at you – however I did go back to your article on the Newsboys (their name conjures up a thought of a group of gay alterboys who grew up to become dancing journalists), so I am back to shoving an icepick up my nose looking for the sweet-spot in the frontal lobe. Seriously their ‘sound’ has been done, in fact I think they out-right steal a couple of riffs from Linkin Park, and of course their lyrics are cliched to the point of banality.

    Love the site, and keep up the great work…

  19. on 14 Nov 2007 at 3:33 pm TunaCanPeen

    The song is as inoffensive as a nice teaspoon of Pablum. I’m far less offended by the song, it’s lyrics, or their Christian label than I am about the bands image.

    The picture is like an ad promoting diversity. Their image consultants have carefully sketched out the best combination of non-threatening racial stereotypes, outfits and personalities in order to make it “safe” to book them at your church while maximizing the reach of the demographic.

    Here’s betting it’s not long before we see one of them engaged in some sort of and then going on the talk-show circuit to talk about “re-finding” the Lord.

  20. on 15 Nov 2007 at 11:46 am Another Jake

    If you think this is so horrible, I’d avoid any top40 station entirely. see The Milkshake Song, The Thong Song, My Hump, any song by Beonce (“I’m your A drive, you’re my C??!?!”), and basically any other popular rap/R&B song on the radio. yeesh. They’re orders of magnitude worse than this.

  21. on 16 Nov 2007 at 3:39 am iimbo

    Couldn’t agree more Another Jake, which is exactly why I avoid all top 40 radio stations (as well as and especially Superchic)…

  22. on 19 Nov 2007 at 2:43 pm jimmy b

    This reminds me of those ridiculous “inspirational message” posters they sell, expensively-framed, at kiosks all over the mall. One day, I just want to tip the whole stand over. “Oopsey – oh, well! Experience teaches slowly, and at the cost of mistakes! Tomorrow’s another day! Follow your dreams! Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground! Never quit! Right?…..By the way, you’re not making me pay for these, are you?”

    Love your site, btw (as if you care, individually). Keep it up! It takes more muscles to frown than to smile! It is the size of one’s will which determines success! Believe in yourself!

    ….I forgot what I was saying…

  23. on 04 Jan 2008 at 11:07 am Gemma Ward Picture

    Gemma Ward Picture…

    Man i just love your blog, keep the cool posts comin…..

  24. on 17 Jan 2008 at 8:33 pm Sarah

    I totally agree with you. This song makes no sense, but some songs aren’t ment to make sense. I also wouldn’t call it a Christian song. btw, all newsboy songs aren’t bad. check out ‘father blessed father’, and ‘in wonder’

  25. on 29 Apr 2008 at 1:59 pm Violet

    lawl. christian rock. ha. hahahah. ah hah ah . psh. i find christian rock in its self funny.lol.

  26. on 05 Feb 2009 at 11:26 am Shauna

    “stand in the rain” means dont let sh@tty things in your life get you down, lets see you do better

  27. on 25 Feb 2009 at 10:24 pm steve

    do you always put christian bands down? :( i thought all unbelievers want us to be ‘tolerant’ towards you, but you might want to take a look in the mirror before you go pointing fingers

  28. on 26 Feb 2009 at 3:00 pm Karen

    Steve, no, I don’t always put christian bands down. I’ve also done mainstream and broadway music here as well. I’m also a little upset that you think disliking a christian band = being non-(or anti-)christian. It’s not the same.

    All I’m doing is pointing fingers at terrible music.

  29. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:35 am Emily

    Hey you guys! My brother really likes Superchick music. My P.E teacher really likes Superchick, a lot of people do. I am not saying you can’t share you feelings about it but It makes me feel bad a little ‘cuz basically my whole school likes it.
    So yah.

  30. on 01 Jun 2009 at 8:44 pm joceline

    why would u criticize a chrishtian band? find something better to do with ur life im thinkin u need God in ur heart

  31. on 14 Nov 2009 at 5:00 pm Elisabeth

    If you haven’t felt it, if you haven’t been there, then you don’t know what it is. You might stop and take a look at yourself to see if maybe you’re one of the ones causing so much pain, at the very least with your intense insensitivity. Move beyond your self-centered little self. Try doing acts of kindness that are done for the sake of the other person, not your own glamor-catalog addition,and see what can happen.

  32. on 18 Nov 2009 at 1:58 pm jeff

    superchick is a good band, i’ve seen them live and they put on a good show, you over exxagerate her voice, its not even super high pitched, the song is in no way stupid, its about living when life gets bad, if you cant understand that there’s something wrong. and that picture is from a looonng time ago..but yet they do look a little dumb, as do most bands. and by the way i’m sure they have waayy more money then you’ll ever have, so in that they win

  33. on 05 Feb 2010 at 6:51 pm aracely

    so, i don’t know anything about this group or your blog. Neither im a super religious or not, I just think not all song make sense. And they dont because that is how we feel.
    and you know what standing in the rain does make it better. sure it wont solve your problem, and im not talking about something stupid like loosing keys… i mean something intangible but its like slowing down and forgetting the world and feeling like your part of something greater… i love the rain, and standing in it.

  34. on 05 Apr 2010 at 7:07 pm jenifer

    For those of you dogging them and what they are doing…do it better write a song sing it, play it, put “YOUR SELF ” out there and make it a minisry people will buy a ticket for…. Then maybe, just maybe you wont be sooooo hateful and remember the bigger pic. These are people serving a risen savior.

    [translation: there is no room for fun in the “bigger pic”]

  35. on 12 Jun 2010 at 10:35 pm Misty

    You broke it down wrong. The “what’s lost can be found” is supposed to be people who don’t have Jesus who are lost and they become found through Jesus. Standing through the rain is supposed to be you going through tough times and trusting God through them. Then “Even When it all comes crashing down” is when bad things happen and God protects you. It’s not about what rhymes or not. It’s about the message. You got the message wrong.

    [translation: There is only one way to interpret songs. It is the way I Interpret songs.]

  36. on 27 Jun 2010 at 3:03 pm pamela

    wow. you are really critical. I guess you’re the really cool one because you can criticize other people eloquently. well, congratulations. but i’m certainly glad i don’t have that gift.
    This song and band are totally top 40. they’re just as cheesy as any other top 40 song or band. what about jay z “forever young” and those lyrics. “So if you love me baby this is how you let me know. don’t ever let me go, that’s how you let me know baby.” uuummmmm have you criticized that one yet?
    Who cares what they look like? I’m probably twice your age (I’m 37) and I learned long ago that it doesn’t matter what anyone looks like on the outside because it really means nothing compared to what they’re like on the inside. you’ll learn!

    p.s. I think that you are joking in your review…but since I can’t really tell, here is the explanation of the rain in the song: The rain is figurative. they’re not talking about real live rain. it’s an allegorical substitution for trouble or a tough situation. Stand through the difficult time and you come out stronger on the other side. don’t give up and run back inside and hide. be brave.

    [Translation: I make assumptions about people based on their age, not based on how they look. I also expect people to write comedy articles about songs I’m too lazy to do myself.

    I am literally unable to tell if the author of this article here at Comedy Website SayNoToCrack.com is joking.]

  37. on 31 Jul 2010 at 3:21 pm corki

    ummmmm…karen? is that ur name? u need to chill. just because ONE SONG is not “religious” doesnt make it bad. also, u are looking too hard for a hidden meaning in the song. with a sister in the showbiz who i KNOW u have heard of, i kno sometimes, a song is just a song. however hard that may be to get through your thick skull. also, i notice you are very critical of everything-everything but urself. so, until u can chill, and listen to music w/o critizing it, dont bother writing ur stupid criticizms.
    also, what does this hav 2 do w/ saying no to crack?

    sincerely, cOrki

  38. on 02 Aug 2010 at 2:00 am Rachael

    who are you to judge
    they make really good music

  39. on 07 Sep 2010 at 6:27 pm kayla

    seriously women, if you dont understand the metaphor, why in the world are you even posting your opinion?!?! Oh my gosh. I’m laughing so hard at you right now, I may pee my pants. . . lol.

    Stand in the rain, means stand up against your problems. . No one likes to stand up and face their fears, their problems. . (or rain) It’s saying go out their face it, go through the pain, find what your looking for and in the end, all will be good. . which in real life is true. .

    I’m so sorry! you must have put so much effort into this crap of a post. . Liked the pictures though(:

    Translation: I read everything 100% literally. I cannot comprehend anyone saying anything unless they truly mean it. I’d write more, but first I’m going to protest Swift’s deplorable Modest Proposal and its horrible “solution” to society’s problems.

  40. on 09 Sep 2010 at 8:06 am KAY

    they dont look any crazier than any other artist one example; the bootleg wannabe lady ga ga. For everything she is trying to standout and do; Madonna has been there and did that sugha!! (yeah i spelled it sugha!)
    And what about Rhianna–elton john? the black eye peas? I could go on and on and it all boils down to if its labeled a “christian band” they get dumped on by people like u.
    While we are all entitled to our opinion-but
    Imma tell you like my grandma told us as kids; if you dont have nothing good to say.. dont say nothing at all. There are celebrities that have all taken some pretty jacked up photos. Give them a break jeesh!

  41. on 12 Oct 2010 at 2:22 am Tobias

    I really appreciate the summaries you add to the comments. I don’t have the attention span to read through several dozen poorly written paragraphs. After I caught on, I even stopped reading the normal comments and just read your summaries.

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