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Archive for October, 2007

How to Annoy People.

You know, I always thought that, working in stores like I have and do, people were far too good at being annoying. Like, it was almost too fantastically horrible. I suspected they rehearsed it, or that there was some kind of hand-book. Or instructional videotape. Or list of ideas for annoying people with annoyer’s block.

I was right. There it is.

Hightlights:
177. Tell people their fly is down when they’re wearing sweat pants.

178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

179. At random times in a conversation, say “Hi,” “Hello Sir, how are you?” or “Have a good day, thank you.”

180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone’s car.

Now you know! You’ve got the secret in your hands! You can bust the schemes of the annoying right open! The very second you see someone about to do something annoying you can save them the trouble: “Hey, pal. I’ve seen this before. Move along and get some new material.”

…if only life were like that. But hey. Let’s make our own list. I’ll kick it off with number 1:

1) Go to class with a cold. Sniff loudly and frequently, despite a full pack of tissues in front of you.

In bad taste? Maybe. A word allowed only sometimes on American television and much more frequently on British television? Twice. Silly? You bet. Viewer discretion advised.

I. Love. Parodies.

It was self defense!

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