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How to Annoy People.

You know, I always thought that, working in stores like I have and do, people were far too good at being annoying. Like, it was almost too fantastically horrible. I suspected they rehearsed it, or that there was some kind of hand-book. Or instructional videotape. Or list of ideas for annoying people with annoyer’s block.

I was right. There it is.

Hightlights:
177. Tell people their fly is down when they’re wearing sweat pants.

178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

179. At random times in a conversation, say “Hi,” “Hello Sir, how are you?” or “Have a good day, thank you.”

180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone’s car.

Now you know! You’ve got the secret in your hands! You can bust the schemes of the annoying right open! The very second you see someone about to do something annoying you can save them the trouble: “Hey, pal. I’ve seen this before. Move along and get some new material.”

…if only life were like that. But hey. Let’s make our own list. I’ll kick it off with number 1:

1) Go to class with a cold. Sniff loudly and frequently, despite a full pack of tissues in front of you.

10 Responses to “How to Annoy People.”

  1. on 04 Oct 2007 at 6:43 pm Finicky Penguin

    Call everyone “champ” or “tiger” and insist that they call you “coach.”

  2. on 05 Oct 2007 at 11:14 am moooooog35

    Start a conversation with someone taking a dump in a bathroom stall. Anything like, “Hey – how’s it going in there?”…or…”What color you got?”

    That should do it nicely.

  3. on 05 Oct 2007 at 8:24 pm Finicky Penguin

    http://www.bored.com/getannoyed/index.htm

    ’nuff said. :O

  4. on 06 Oct 2007 at 8:26 pm Geneva

    Next time you have a cold, go into the communal kitchen at work, lick all of the cutlery, and place it back in the drawer.

    Sharing is fun!

  5. on 06 Oct 2007 at 9:36 pm Bratzilla

    Eat spicy chile before an international flight.

  6. on 08 Oct 2007 at 2:23 pm Lawsy

    How about you invite your skint friends to the pub with promises of a free pint, then let them sit and watch you slowly sip your delicious pint of Guinness.

  7. on 15 Oct 2007 at 1:03 am Bunk

    Post what you think is a clever comment on a favorite website, then repost it.

  8. on 15 Oct 2007 at 1:04 am Bunk

    Post what you think is a clever comment on a favorite website, then repost it.

  9. on 15 Oct 2007 at 1:06 am Bunk

    Post what you think is a clever comment on a favorite website, then repost it.

  10. on 15 Oct 2007 at 1:36 pm Karen

    Hit the submit button three times in impatience.

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