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Archive for September, 2007

Car lovers of America watch out – soon you’ll have to share your roads with high performance Cart Bikes like this:

Solution to Global Warming

Most people contend that Americans don’t ride bikes because we’re fat, lazy, and have millions of miles of roads with no shoulder or bike paths. Sure, these might be minor considerations, but the truth is that we face a historical deficiency in bicycle styling. The Cart Bike is the obvious solution.

Now if you could just add a Port-A-Potty to the back that converted human waste to energy, you’d have the perfect eco-friendly bike. Want to make your own Cart Bike? Check out Instructables for the step-by-step.

The Perfect Crime

Picture this: you and a pal decide to sneak into a camp for children, with the intent of pulling of one amazing prank. You sneak into a quiet building. The coast is clear.

Quickly and with enthusiasm, you begin smashing stuff and setting off fire extinguishers! The mess is amazing, and no one has come to stop you!!

Drunk with excitement, you pull out your trusty black marker. On the wall is a poster for Garden Birds of Britain. You are one smart son of a gun, so the clear way to take advantage of the situation is no secret to you: deftly you scrawl “R GAY” after the title. Sheer brilliance! Completely the most clever thing you’ve ever done!!

But no! You’re not done yet! You must commit one final act, a pièce de résistance, to sum up your work.

And then it hits you! A signature!

They’ll never suspect!
And the best of it is, they’ll never suspect!

It sounds ridiculous until you find out it actually happened. Then it stops being ridiculous and starts being hilarious. If only all criminals were like this: stupid and easy to find.

Okay, okay, okay…

I know. Another video.

I’ll postpone a real, not-video post for another day, because this I have to share. Have to have to have to.

Look at that!! Who wants a hello kitty wedding?! HELLO DANG KITTY.

What!

What!?

….WHAT.

Unless that special woman in your life is a huge fan of crazy vintage records, I suggest you not buy here this for Christmas (or any other occasion):

Worst Record

In fact, I’d suggest you not buy her anything that appears antique or has a picture of a woman (other than her) on it. Add to that: don’t buy her anything from a magazine, anything that she can wear, jewelry, soap, or makeup … unless she specifically asked for it. Even if she did ask for it, augment your gift with some flowers, because unless she put it on layaway chances are you’ll mess up.

Pic via Dark Roasted Blend

Wow.

Just, wow.

I mean….wow.

wow.

I thought I knew what Guitar Hero obsessed looked like. I thought wrong.

Water Butts

Water Butt

Save the planet. Collect rainwater in a plastic facsimile of someone’s posterior, and then drink from it … this is what’s wrong with all the environmental crisis hype. It creates bizarre unnecessary industries such as this. I refuse to drink water from a butt, but if YOU want to, I won’t get in your way. Go for it. It’s cheaper than bottled water, “BUTT” it still tastes like…

They come in three race flavors, too: negro, caucasian, and badly sunburned european caucasian (the latter not pictured, “BUTT” may be found on the website). Y’all are completely on your own on this one.

Water Butts via Arbroath

These butts may also go well with the Water Butt Pump featured here a couple months ago.

Evil Villain Foams Austrailia

Alas! Some foul foe has unleashed his giant laser egg-beater upon unsuspecting civilians out for a swim!

Immediately the ocean was whipped in to what can only be described as, FOAM OF DEATH, OR AT LEAST FOAM OF SMELLING REALLY BAD.

Oh, the foamanity!

And, while scientists try to explain it away, the villain, no doubt bent on world domination through foamy ocean, gets away free as a bird!

but seriously…it looks like people are playing in this. It’s made of salt, “impurities,” rotting fish, and evil. Yet somehow, knowing this…doesn’t make it look any less like fluffy fun. Fluffy, puffy, fun. And rot.

The One Horsepower Hybrid

I commute 100 miles roundtrip each day, so my friends always ask why I don’t buy a hybrid. In the past, I’ve always responded with “I already get 45 mpg, why spend $20K for the same fuel economy”.

From today forward though, my response will be: “because I’m waiting for the next generation of hybrid”, then I’ll show them this:

One Horsepower Car

The 1 HP Fleethorse NaturCar is a new super-efficient hybrid that may soon be on the market, and it’s powered by carrots, grass clippings, and other edible waste products. It’s kind of like a Mr. Fusion, just bigger and smellier.

No surprise, the NaturCar was designed by a group in Dubai, and comes with all the bells and whistles imaginable in a horse on wheels. To power the car, the horse walks on a treadmill which charges the car’s batteries (the treadmill doubles as the “exhaust” system, which is stored under the vehicle).

For some reason, I wouldn’t be surprised if these became big sellers in Japan.

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