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Archive for September, 2007

Clever Graffiti (entry 2)

I was inspired by Anita’s clever graffiti finds, so after some searching have rustled up enough for a second entry. Not saying I support graffiti, but I am saying, this stuff is so much fun.

can’t touch this
Obvious, but enjoyable nonetheless.

it’s the CLAW
Dun dun DUUUNNN

don’t mess with this one
I wish this were near where I live.

what number?
Hah.

Just remember: don’t do graffiti. It’s against the law even when it is hilarious.

Toilet Museum

You need to be prepared to clean up a few messes, or at least that’s what the operator of a new toilet museum in Kiev, Ukraine found. A 46 year old local man, after paying his entry fee, walked over to one of the exhibits and left the museum its first non-cash donation.

When asked about his rationale, he stated:


“I didn’t realise they were only to look at when I was caught short. They told me afterwards visitors are supposed to use the public toilets on the street. I told them I want my money back.”

In response, the museum has put “Not for use” signs on all exhibits. No word on whether the depositor received his money back, or if they kept his donation as a permanent exhibit.

News Link (ananova) ( Thanks prying1!), and Pic Link (the pic is actually a museum in Austria, same idea though).

And the winner…

Rather than put up a poll, I’m going to travel the road more biased and just pick my favorite captioner from the weekend’s caption contest. As a reminder, here’s the picture I challenged all you SNTC readers to caption hilariously:

ahhh

Drumroll!

OR not!

The winner is…..

LindaF
: ““The better to eat me wit.., hahaha CUT! hahahaha, sorry I’ll get the line right this time Little Red, promise””

Congrats! I personally have a soft spot in my heart for blooper jokes.

Runner up:

Thom: “While known for their superior guarding skills, German Shepards are notoriously bad joke tellers, often ruining the set-up by laughing through the punchline.”

And, winner of the I have no clue what this one was supposed to mean, award:

Diogenes: “Heil Hitler!” ….. no no wait… “Whats that joke about dead babies in a blender?”…..wait wait, I got it, here yah go.., the headline reads, “Innocence Touched By The Paw Of The Devil Dog. Struck Dumb/ Hypnotized By Unknown Forces” Hahahaha. Sickos abound. yes we laugh… but really here it is. Here is mine,,for true..and it reads, “Beautiful Photo Captured and subjected to unfunny captions by random dummies”

I…I think this was trying to make a point…had a real message, maybe, to share…but I can’t quite figure it out. So, thanks for that inspirational head-scratching moment, Diogenes!

Thanks everyone for participating!

Caption this!

I found this image the other day, and have been struggling for a funny enough caption to make bring out the maximum amount of comedy:

ahhh

Look at that. It’s just so…full of potential. So, I’m going to try a caption contest! Anita’s were always such fun, I thought I’d try one myself! See if you can come up with the best caption. Just submit your caption as a comment.

Happy captions!

Korean Baseball Fight

I don’t know if this is real or not, but I’ve been told that in Korean baseball games you can fight as much as you want, without punishment, as long as you do this:

(if you can’t see the video, click here)

Seems plausible, although as a fan I’d probably get pretty annoyed after the 2nd or 3rd fight.

Remember, kids!

Smoking is good for you!

I’m not too surprised by this one. I mean, it’s a pretty easy place for an advertisement to go. This one, however, has me baffled:

I mean…this is just…including x-rays and everything. Wow. I just…an it’s like…whew. I’m not even sure what to say.

I’m not sure why the little toy commercial’s there, but it warms my heart.

A Lot of People Smell Like Crayons

Crayons

A lot of people smell like crayons, thanks to this innovative company. And for a lot of people, it’s an improvement (I’d buy one that smells like fresh PlayDoh).

Source: nopuedocreer

Lifeguarding the easy way.


(if you can’t see the video, click here)

I seem to remember something similar happening at my childhood public pool, except the lifeguard would just dive in. As much as I loved this clip, it would have been so much funnier with a female lifeguard. Thanks Brian!

Oh, COME ON!

I understand that everything good in the world will, in some way, kill you. Eventually. And I know it’s the job of science to let you know exactly what will kill you and how. But sometimes I wish, that sometimes, science would just leave certain things alone and just shut the heck up.

The fumes from microwave popcorn cause cancer! CANCER!

FROM DELICIOUS FUMES OF DELICIOUS POPCORN!!

waiting to kill you
This stuff? Yeah, it’ll kill you. What? No, not eating. Just smelling.

It just isn’t fair, that’s all. If they wanted to say the salt in it would stop my heart, or the butter of it would clog my arteries, or the…the…kernels would…block my wind tunnel, fine! But…just…the…smell? The happy, warming aroma of popcorn that fills the room to the gentle, soothing cadence of pop, pop…It–It’s just not fair! It just isn’t!

I protest! Next they’ll say looking at puppies or stargazing or hugging teddy bears or watching old reruns of the 1960s Star Trek gives you cancer!

Why, science? Why must you take away the things I love?!

Unless that something is this. (by the way,
graphic violence, bad writing).

Litchfield is my home town. If you’ve ever been to the non-big-city portion of the midwest US, you’re probably familiar with the type of city: small, surrounded by farmland, and mainly uninteresting. Litchfield has some perks, though: we’re right on Route 66, we have annual antique car and motorcycle festivals, and we’re right off the interstate: a good stop for a coffee break on your way to somewhere more interesting (Linkin Park once ate at our Denny’s on their way to Peoria. it was a big deal). Also, we have one of the last few old drive-in theatres in the state.

bald_eagle.jpg
check out our l33t bald eagle’s nest

So imagine my surprise when a Google search brings up that monster. The gist of the story is, in the early nineties a man went nuts, murdered his wife, put her head in a bucket of cement (so the story goes) and threw it into our town’s own Lake Lou. And, as the rumor goes, the bucket was never found. Like that lake wasn’t eery enough.

Ever since it’s been a playground horror story, told in whispers and with much uneducated flourish. Sort of a local legend, so I wasn’t too surprised that there was a book…I was surprised that the author was from St. Louis, and even more surprised that he was, apparently, completely drunk while writing it.

I think it’s wrong when such a terrible story is told so badly that I can’t stop laughing about it. There’s only one review of this book on Amazon.com and it’s by one of the people involved in the story, who says basically, the author made up the dialogue completely. He interviewed nobody, made everything up, and, essentially, did everything in his power to make the people of Litchfield sound like total hicks (or at least, for the first few pages in the Amazon preview).

The book opens with the body of the victim being found. With the flourish of a poet, he ends his “colorful” description of the gruesome nature of the situation with this gem (after throwing in some false dialogue): “Like a slap, the rank smell of burning flesh assaulted them.” It assaulted them. Like a slap. Can someone please tell me why that sentence makes me laugh so hard? I can’t stop.

And when most would be at a loss for words to describe the terrible sight, this author comes through for us all: “It was a very nasty piece of business.”

Behold the awesome display of powers of comparison: “this was a scene from Fright Night or some other slasher movie.” C’mon now. Would it have been so hard to look up from writing and ask the next person in the room for another comparison? Like that one movie or….some….other, different movie of the same genre. Right. Brilliant.

What’s funniest, I think, is the fact that in his efforts to make the small town folk seem completely small-town quaint unedumucated, some of the false-hickishness seems to rub off on him, as he actually uses the phrase “drunked-up,” and he wasn’t even fake quoting anybody. Drunked-up? I’d bet my last lonely dollar that that is the first and last time I ever see the phrase “drunked-up” used seriously.

Other fun: he claims Lake Lou is a spot often used for teens’ “necking.” Lake Lou is a hole of mud…we have another, prettier lake across town and the aforementioned drive-in cinema for “necking.” I don’t think people have even “necked” since the 50’s anyway, and certainly nobody necks at Lake Lou. I mean, not even before there was a head in the lake.
On the back cover, he describes Litchfield as “droll.” Droll? Is this man Jane Austen? Droll?? The town’s small…quaint, maybe, but droll?

The moral of this story is, come to Litchfield. Eat at our too many restaurants. Sleep at our too many hotels. Enjoy our rich history of festivals and heads in buckets. Have a…droll time. Droll. Droll?

Droll.

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