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Oh, COME ON!

I understand that everything good in the world will, in some way, kill you. Eventually. And I know it’s the job of science to let you know exactly what will kill you and how. But sometimes I wish, that sometimes, science would just leave certain things alone and just shut the heck up.

The fumes from microwave popcorn cause cancer! CANCER!

FROM DELICIOUS FUMES OF DELICIOUS POPCORN!!

waiting to kill you
This stuff? Yeah, it’ll kill you. What? No, not eating. Just smelling.

It just isn’t fair, that’s all. If they wanted to say the salt in it would stop my heart, or the butter of it would clog my arteries, or the…the…kernels would…block my wind tunnel, fine! But…just…the…smell? The happy, warming aroma of popcorn that fills the room to the gentle, soothing cadence of pop, pop…It–It’s just not fair! It just isn’t!

I protest! Next they’ll say looking at puppies or stargazing or hugging teddy bears or watching old reruns of the 1960s Star Trek gives you cancer!

Why, science? Why must you take away the things I love?!

13 Responses to “Oh, COME ON!”

  1. on 10 Sep 2007 at 3:09 am Bunk

    It’s a well known fact that consumption of oatmeal can lead to heroin addiction.

    It’s also a well known fact that 67.3 percent of all statistics are made up on-the-spot.

    Go figger.

  2. on 10 Sep 2007 at 7:12 am Ryan

    I made a chemical recently which smells exactly like pop corn. Extremely pungent, only a few milligrams was enough to stink out my entire lab. It’s probably highly toxic, but I doubt it’s carcinogenic though. It was a pyrazine based ester compound.

  3. on 10 Sep 2007 at 6:50 pm Alpaca The Awesome

    I will never look at popcorn differently again.

  4. on 10 Sep 2007 at 6:50 pm Alpaca The Awesome

    I mean the same…

  5. on 10 Sep 2007 at 9:37 pm Gregory

    Anita, I have it on good authority that watching Star Trek of any kind causes cancer. And legions. And anal fissures. And stupidity.

  6. on 10 Sep 2007 at 10:13 pm Karen

    Hey. Hey. Hey. I happen to know that Star Trek rocks off more faces per minute than any other television show in history. I mean, William Shatner.

    Furthermore, this is a Karen article. I have no idea if Anita likes Star Trek. 😉

  7. on 11 Sep 2007 at 2:14 am Bunk

    Karen– Looks like these folks ripped you off without credit: [link removed because thieves are lame and sntc is cool]

  8. on 11 Sep 2007 at 8:59 am Dave

    I’ve been turned off on popcorn ever since I realized that the smell of it is EXACTLY the same smell that feet get after sweating all day.

  9. on 11 Sep 2007 at 11:54 am Gregory

    Sorry, Karen. I’ve been absent from the web for a while. I wasn’t aware that SNTC had multiple posters. My mistake, I should pay more attention.

    I must be watching too much Star Trek.

  10. on 11 Sep 2007 at 12:46 pm Karen

    Haha, it’s not a big deal. I just didn’t want you hatin’ on Anita for my geekyness 😛

  11. on 11 Sep 2007 at 6:45 pm scott

    any thing but popcorn… anything well not anything…angthing but hot wings…or bacon…yea o well over 70% of the U.S.A. is dead any way.

  12. on 11 Sep 2007 at 7:57 pm Karen

    Wow, Bunk, they did. Not once but twice. how lame. I think I might break your link so people wouldn’t reward the thieves with traffic, if that’s ok.

    I kind of wish I knew what to do to about that though. Frustrating.

  13. on 02 Feb 2008 at 3:43 am Popcorn

    First Dates: Skip the Movie and Popcorn…

    A common and popular first date is going to a movie and sharing some popcorn. But while you want the date to be fun, your purpose here is not entertainment. The reason for a first date with anyone is to see whether you want to date them a second time. …

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