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Authorities said in a statement today that a high-ranking Nazgul has been arrested on criminal charges in a scheme to embezzle millions from the government of Mordor. Grundir the Implacable, the undersecretary for Evil Ring Acquisition, was escorted from his home to the Minas Morgul police station.

There are nine Nazgul, or “ring-wraiths,” who are sworn to serve the dark lord Sauron. Before becoming one of the Nazgul, Grundir the Implacable was a well-known Númenorian king and hedge fund manager. Sauron saw potential in the young Grundir when he was still a mortal human and hand-picked him to be corrupted by the power of the One Ring. At 932, Grundir is the youngest of the Nazgul, but was thought to be well-liked and trusted by the other dark riders. The alleged betrayal of the Dark Lord is particularly troubling because until now it was thought that the Nazgul had surrendered their free will to become the unquestioning thralls of Sauron.

“It’s obviously very upsetting,” said Khamûl, the Witch-King of Angmar. “There was always a sense of camaraderie among us ring-wraiths. I thought we were a team. It may take centuries to rebuild that trust.”

Grundir the Implacable’s lawyer, Malindur Cohen, insisted there was no truth to the charges. “These accusations are spurious and insulting,” Cohen said. “Grundir the Implacable is a pillar of the evil community. Having no corporeal form, he has no need for money or physical possessions. Other than his winged steed and his Mordor-issued black cloak, he owns nothing, and he has no ambition beyond furthering the baneful reign of the Dark Lord.”

Sauron was unavailable for comment, but is believed to be keeping an eye on the case.

Guest post by Diesel of Mattress Police fame.

15 Responses to “Nazgul Arrested in Embezzlement Scheme”

  1. on 03 Aug 2007 at 10:33 am Howard

    Diesel, I’m proud to say that you are the only true blog whore that I know.

    And Sauron did it. The Nazgul would played like puppets.

  2. on 03 Aug 2007 at 2:56 pm Nessa

    I am devastated. I will need to drink all weekend just to cope with the betrayal.

  3. on 03 Aug 2007 at 4:25 pm CrummyJoel

    That’s what happens when folks get into debt by betting on the Hobbit fights.

  4. on 04 Aug 2007 at 4:32 pm Alpaca The Awesome

    Oh yeah, that’s what Michael Vick was doing, right?

  5. on 09 Aug 2007 at 2:32 pm Jeff

    Guest comment by Jeff of View From The Cloud fame.

  6. on 16 Nov 2007 at 10:43 am Ilumael

    We have no doubt about the allegiance of the Nazgul’s.
    Its a stupid mistake. Angmar rulez!

  7. on 03 Dec 2007 at 9:10 pm Jon

    that wasnt funny

  8. on 19 Aug 2008 at 9:43 pm Poythress

    Poor framed king…

  9. on 20 Dec 2008 at 1:21 am Real Name

    Ha, that’s hillarious.

  10. on 24 Mar 2009 at 11:05 pm Rae

    Psssh, Khamul isn’t the Witchking. Obviously it’s a setup.

  11. on 04 Apr 2009 at 10:28 am Luthien

    jajaj funny

  12. on 23 Aug 2009 at 1:34 am free on line poker tournament

    I’d just like to thank you for taking the time to create this internet website. It has been extremely helpful

  13. on 05 Oct 2009 at 1:12 pm Sztajmes

    It’s good,it’s good:D

  14. on 18 Jan 2010 at 8:52 pm Sauron

    Don’t worry my mordor fellowmen, I shall have another Nazgul king and I will take the ring from Frodo and other little miserable Hobbits. After all ‘The Ring is mine’.

  15. on 08 May 2010 at 9:02 pm Falathiel

    I knew something was wrong with Grundir about two days before the arrest. I mean, he wouldn’t stop screaming and kept stabbing beds with his swords!

    I bet one of them dang Mirkwood elves is blackmailing him to do it…..

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