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Archive for August, 2007

I think it’s time.

It’s been a while, right? I’m sure you’ve all read the latest Harry Potter book, right? I mean, all of you who…y’know…read the Harry Potter books.

So you won’t mind me finally posting this, right?

I have to confess, I absolutely love step-by-step comedic evaluations of books, movies, etc. Thus, even though I’ve never read any Harry Potter book, I still laughed when I read this page-by-page synopsis of the Deathly Hollow.

“Page 226: Hermione’s exclamation of shock: “Merlin’s pants!” I mention this without comment. Consider it a sorbet, to cleanse the palate.”

Yes. Yes.

However, a lot of people really like the book, so any teasing, even if well-meant just for comedy, can rub them the wrong way. Don’t feel left out: here is another step-by-step break-down of something that really is horrible, no matter who you are or what you like. The Ralph Bakshi Lord of the Rings film. This one’s illustrated!

If you’ve never seen it, lucky you.

“18. How To Recognize An Elf.
– Sappy pseudo-cheerful woodland Elf-music plays whenever they appear.
– They have eyes like Bambi.
– They’re all exposed three F-stops too bright.”

Banana Chat

So. I found this old video and…I just…wow. I haven’t seen this thing in over five years. It’s still there.

And it still makes me laugh. The story behind it is, someone wrote to the video makers and asked for a video featuring Zoki (website owner) making awkward smalltalk with a giant telepathic banana. Yeah. Enough said.

I think the part I like best is still when Kusper stumbles over the word “banana” right in the beginning…”Mr. Ban…ana!”

LET IT GO, MR. BANANA.

Oh lord, I need a nap.

…may very well cost Spirit Airlines very dearly.

Basically, a couple lost a lot of money when their flight with Spirit Airline was delayed, so they, disgruntled, wanted compensation for this, and for the poor customer service.

To achieve this, they wrote an e-mail to the CEO, and several other Spirit employees, explaining what they wanted. The CEO, apparently not knowing much about this crazy email stuff, or how to do things like, not be a total idiot, hits “reply to all” and sends the following message:

“Please respond, Pasquale, but we owe him nothing as far as I’m concerned. Let him tell the world how bad we are. He’s never flown us before anyway and will be back when we save him a penny.”

This reply was sent to his employees, and also to the customers.

“LET HIM TELL THE WORLD HOW BAD WE ARE.” …Done and done.

I don’t care whether or not the customers had a good argument or not, I don’t care whether the CEO was right and the airline owes them nothing…in this age of light-speed communication, a CEO cannot afford to be a callous jerk and e-mail impaired at the same time. Because when somebody says something like that, and allows it to become public…well…pretty soon the whole world does know how bad you are.

“he…will be back when we save him a penny.” No, Spirit. No, I don’t think he will be.

What is a Tacky Raccoon?

I actually have no clue, so I’ll leave the answer up to our own Bunk Strutts since Tacky Raccoons is the name of his brand new blog. While I still haven’t seen any Raccoons at Bunk’s site, I did find quite a few gems … such as a pair of Mr. T. Underoos:

Fun Underwear

And the definition of a “babe magnet car” (what girl wouldn’t get into one of these?):

Batmobile babe magnet

And unfortunate proof that the cartoon character Ziggy has met his end:

Blob Fish

I hope to see a tacky raccoon as well, but in the meantime it looks like Bunk will keep me entertained. If you yearn for even more randomness than you find here, Tacky Raccoons is the place to go.

Lolcats. On film.

So, this is pretty much one of the oldest things in the world…as far as I can tell it’s from the show America’s Funniest Home Videos, or some similar cash-in-on-people’s-contributions television program. And, normally, I wouldn’t submit something so universal, but…but…it’s kitties!! Funny kitties!

And it makes me laugh. Every dang time. Also, note the refreshing lack of lame commentary by washed up comedian show host (which is nearly unavoidable with clips like these).

The following is a real picture of a real sign, taken in the good ole’ US of A:

Lubricant on Fence

This particular sign appears to be from Boston, but apparently the practice is widespread across the states (and particularly well suited to keeping kids out).

I guess this makes A LITTLE sense, but it also seems to be inviting passersby to a challenge. The moment I saw that sign, I’d try to climb the fence. Why not just write “HEY KID, I BET YOU CAN’T CLIMB THIS FENCE”?

NOW … if they had really wanted to keep kids (and curious adults like me) out, they would have put up a sign like this:

Alternate sign

That’s what I call an intimidating fence! Too bad law enforcement would probably take it down due to public health concerns.

Thanks Mister Majik for the pic!

A paper boat fit for a king

As a kid, I used to make paper boats, which also doubled as hats, from newspapers with my grandfather. I always wished that newspapers were larger so that we could make a boat large enough for the two of us. Something like this:

Paper Boat

This particular paper boat was made by German artist Frank Boelter, and is made entirely from Tetrapack (the material used for milk cartons). He claims it should stay afloat for about 40 days, which is far better than the 40 seconds my newspaper boats would float.

Sailing Paper Boat

Surprisingly, the boat only cost about $220 to make … which seems pretty cheap for a 30 foot vessel, even if it isn’t exactly ocean worthy.

via Daily Mail

Spooning

No, not that spooning. This spooning (and yeah, it a bit old, but worth watching and easy to miss).

I’m convinced this is a set-up. How would the guy not quit after the first maybe, two hits? Why did he keep asking for it! But, real or not, it’s a crazy funny video, as you who have had the misfortune of being smacked with a long-handled spoon know (it hurts. A lot. A lot). Either dedicated to the joke, or unfathomably dumb.

World Geography

There’s no denying that the majority of Americans aren’t very good in Geography or World History, but do you know why? I’ve always wondered this myself, and now thanks to Miss Teen South Carolina, I finally understand:

(if you can’t see the video, click here [youtube])

Who would have thought South Africa plays such a vital role in our children’s Geography skills? With such a vividly concise and globally significant theory, I envision a Nobel Peace Prize in her future.

I don’t think I should find this funny at all. But somehow the combination of ridiculous idea, ridiculous…er…fake accents, and the name “Peterson-Patterson,” has inspired me to share this brief documentary into the minds of the creators of one of the greatest pieces of modern software in the world.

the future is NOW.

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