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Archive for April, 2007

These are probably the same guys that I used to watch transformers
with when I was a kid. They went on to make their dreams come true,
and I went on to write blog posts on the internet.

No fair.

But as long as we’re on the topic of 80’s cartoon obsession, check out
this small budget (yet oh-so-ambitious) Ghostbusters production:

I bet that when these guys were little, their moms didn’t let them
watch Ghostbusters, and now they feel they need to give back to the
world what they were so sadly deprived of.

When I was a kid, my brother collected comic books. I was never really a fan of the stories (except Superman and Richie Rich), but for some reason I loved the advertisements. The more sensational the better – I wanted it all.

Here are a 10 crazy vintage comic book ads I recently stumbled across. Many of these I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I actually bought (or at least tried to).

Cheap land for sale

Texas Ranch Land for Sale

Who wouldn’t want some prime Texas real estate? I was about six when I saw a similar advertisement and tried convince my parents to advance me four weeks allowance so I could be a rancher.

I had dreams of cows and wealth (Dallas was my second favorite TV show, primarily because it aired right after Knight Rider), but obviously no concept of measurement. Via comicvine

Comic book weapons (click either pic for full-sized ad)

Tripod swivel machine gun from comic book

Something tells me a kid couldn’t buy this nowadays. Actually, I’ll bet an adult couldn’t either, at least without being added to a terrorist watch list. Via comic coverage

Polaris Nuclear Sub Toy

The holy grail of kids’ toys back in the Sixties. The Polaris Nuclear Sub fired rockets/torpedoes, had working controls, and dove deep to help you search for pirate’s treasure. Fun for girls and boys, wow!

The only problem was that the sub was made from cardboard and rubber bands. Thank goodness they were discontinued well before I was born, the disappointment would have been devastating.

Has anyone ever seen one of these? If so, I’d love to hear about it. I’ll even pay for a picture of the actual sub – my curiosity is driving me crazy. Via psubs

The Superman Phenomenon

Superman vs. Muhammed Ali

In the mid-seventies, celebrities started popping up in superhero comics. Superman vs. Muhammed Ali was my favorite. It was quite possibly the silliest comic book ever (a boxer giving Superman a black eye?), but I loved it.

Kryptonite Rocks

This one never made sense to me. Be a friend to superman by buying Kryptnotastic rocks? Kids were supposed to buy them to keep the rocks out of the hands of villains. Makes a tiny bit of sense, but why wouldn’t the government just destroy them all or send them into space?

I convinced a couple kids on the school bus to buy them for protection in case Superman was exposed to red Kryptonite and came after them. They felt this was a logical reason, and received this upon ordering:

Kryptonite Rocks

Painted green rocks – they lost 3 weeks allowance, I got a great laugh. Then they went back to arguing whether or not Superman would come out of retirement to raise the Titanic.

Pics via x-entertainment

Hypnotize your friends

Hypnotize with a coin

My parents were psychologists, so I was always trying to convince them to teach me hypnotism. The hypno-coin was supposed to be my shortcut to fame and fortune. Another waste of two weeks allowance. I tried to hypnotize my brother into trading some of his garbage pail kid cards for my hypno-coin, but even that wouldn’t work.

X-Ray glasses

X-Ray glasses

After I bought these glasses, my older friends tried to convince me I just didn’t know how to use them right, and would “ooh” and “ah” when wearing them and looking towards neighbors houses. I never saw anything terribly revealing, but did give myself quite a few headaches.

Free Cash

Comic Book One Million Cash

Yes, I fell for this too. I probably spent around $3 to get a worthless catalogue and $1 Million in cheap cutout $10,000 bills. Fun.

This and next ad via Tom Heroes

Quail Eggs

Hatch your own Quail eggs

Why Quail eggs? Why not Chickens or even Turkeys? Did these actually work? I remember seeing Live Miniature Dogs (a “no way!” from mom and dad) and Sea Monkeys (another waste of three weeks allowance), but never incubators for Quail. I would love to hear from anyone who tried to hatch a mail order Quail as a kid.

Bizarre Adult Products

Irritated Eyelids

If you read comic books, you probably noticed lots of products that were certainly not marketed towards kids. How many kids had irritated eyelids? Or jock itch? And would women really peruse comic books to buy slimming bras?

If you were a comic book fan, what were your favorite advertisements?

The saddest election

A fill-in member of a Missouri city council was running for a full-time position this week. Election Day came and went, and he received…no votes.

Not one.

And he wasn’t even running against anyone else .

The guy didn’t even vote for himself.

This has to be the most emo election I’ve ever heard of! The man’s got the position despite the complete lack of votes, at least until someone is…you know…actually elected. The reason? He, and apparently everyone else, forgot it was election day.
Forgetting his own election day, huh? Now that’s a city council member you know you can trust!

In recognition of the ever widening American posterior, Florida officials are planning for the inevitable future by building the world’s largest toilet:

World’s Largest Toilet

I interviewed the manager of the Goldan Corral buffet across the street, who could barely subdue his excitement:

“From adding tableside troughs to widening our toilet stalls every two years, the Golden Corral does everything possible to serve the needs of our herd … er, I mean, guests.

But now with the opening of the world’s largest toilet across the parking lot, we can spend more time focusing on developing new entrees, such as twice fried frosted butter sticks, and less on extracting our patrons who often get stuck in our bathrooms.”

Don’t believe it’s real? Check out Google Maps.

via The Register

That horrible song “My Humps” was probably one of the most annoying songs of 2005, if not of all time. But, being the sucker for parody that I am, I’ll be darned if I won’t be humming this…wonderfully ridiculous re-make for the rest of the week. I know it’s old news maybe, but it deserves another mention.

Pistol
The face of cold, steely sadness :(

A Wichita man was shot earlier this week…by a gun that was thrown in the trash. Luckily, the man was not killed, but his hand was injured when he accidentally hit the trigger of a pistol in the trash he was helping to unload.

So, next time you want to get rid of your gun: wait, think, and consider the gun. It has feelings too. And apparently it’s a hothead and will shoot you in your hand the second you abandon it. Please, think of the guns.

Ideal Pets

The following pets are very quiet, don’t demand a lot of attention, and won’t damage the furniture. Plus, you won’t have to clean up their little Number Ones and Number Twos, and they even feed themselves!

Cute Spider

“Jabba” strikes a thoughful pose. He likes a good story, especially one with a “Charlotte” in it.

Another cute spider

Look! Barney’s laughing! “Little Miss Muffett” cracks him up every time.

Yet another cute spider

Awww. Lulu is sleepy. Sing her a song, something about a waterspout. She likes that one, and will be fast asleep in no time.

Furthermore, they are completely harmless, unless you fall asleep and they crawl down your throat and into your ear canal via the eustacian tube where they make their way up to your brain to control your every move for the next 48 hours before you die a slow painful death as a zombie, eaten from the inside out. Or not.

How can you not love something as furry, adorable and self-sufficent as these little guys?

More cute photos at Dark Roasted Blend.

When you look at the following picture, what do you see?

Stuffed beaver

A somewhat cute stuffed beaver, right? Kasey McMahon thought nothing of the sort … she saw a perfect housing for “the busiest of machines”, and thus the idea for Compubeaver was hatched. Compubeaver became a labor of love, starting with the first incision:

Kasey cutting the beaver

Turns out that a surgical knife just didn’t cut through beaver very well, so she resorted to the trusty electric turkey knife:

Beaver surgery

In the end, her biggest stumbling block was cooling down the beaver. The first beaver got terribly excited once she inserted the plug, and started showing the blue screen of death after only a few minutes. Sounds like a few of my more embarrassing college dates!

To solve the problem, she inserted an extra fan and power supply in the beaver’s rear end:

The Beaver’s rear end

Voilà, a beaver that blows hot air and can play games all night. What computer enthusiast wouldn’t want that? Finally, here’s the beaver in action:

Beaver in action

This beaver is quick too – it sports an Intel Core 2 Duo processor, 160GB Hard drive, and 1 GB or RAM. That’s one beaver I wouldn’t mind sitting on my desk at home!

LinkThanks Charles!

Boys will be contaminates

so fun, it’ll kill you!

Story on SFGate: Boys Contaminate W.Va. Town With Mercury

So basically, some boys sneak into a dentist’s office and steal four pounds of mercury.

The moral of this article? An entire town is potentially contaminated by the brain-damaging substance that these boys, with their thievery, introduced, and the response is… “boys will be boys.”

“Hahaha, oh, that crazy little Billy and his endangerment of an entire town. That silly kid, but who can blame him? It was shiny and fun!”

Shiny and fun and incredibly toxic…that’s what being a little boy is all about.

As a little kid, I wanted to go to the north pole to find Superman’s crystal castle. Who didn’t, right? Like most kids, I was deprived of that opportunity, but I did travel to Alaska a few years later. Even as a preteen, I was a bit disappointed to find nothing suggesting crystal fortresses existed in the arctic.

Turns out I was just looking in the wrong place … all along it was in Mexico!

Superman Fortress of Solitude in Mexico

This real crystal cave was located by a Mexican mining company in 2000. Some of the massive crystals are over 35 feet long, considered to be among the world’s largest. Superman would have felt right at home.

via National Geographic

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