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I’ve just learned of an epidemic that has been quietly spreading across the globe, plaguing our cities, and placing our children in peril. Yes, you guessed correctly … bicycles being ridden without front tires.

The problem has gotten so bad that signs have been posted to warn unsuspecting riders. Here’s one in Portland, Oregon:

Bicycle Warning
(thanks Patrick!)

After countless accidents, parents are mounting a class action lawsuit against bicycle manufacturers. One plaintiff exclaimed:

There wasn’t no warnings or nothing, we thought it just a spare. Billy was so excited to ride his new bike, but then he fell in a bush and all the kids laughed and called us names. How were we supposed to know it needed two tires to work right?

We called Wal-mart, and the lady just said “that’s why it’s called a BI-cycle and not a UNI-cycle”. So what does that mean? Do I now need to know greek or something to know which bike to buy for my kid?

Recognizing that a massive lawsuit could be brewing, bicycle manufacturers have quickly responded by placing the following warning on all bikes:
Warning - do not operate a bicycle with one wheel

10 Responses to “Global Epidemic Strikes Bicyclists”

  1. on 03 Feb 2007 at 11:16 pm TDB

    From the sign I can see that the problem of the missing front wheel is compounded by a rider who apparently has no hands or feet.

  2. on 04 Feb 2007 at 4:14 am John powell

    Well, It has a front wheel. It is just turned 90 degrees. Look at the handlebars. And these signs are placed near the Portland Streetcar tracks in NW Portland. I have seen a few near the hospital on NW 23rd.

  3. on 04 Feb 2007 at 12:12 pm Anita Bath

    Come on John, you expect us to believe that? I MIGHT believe that it means no riding bikes with pogo sticks in place of front wheels, but I can’t buy anything as outrageous as your suggestion. 😉

  4. on 04 Feb 2007 at 12:59 pm Rowan

    You gotta be kidding me. I’m with Bill Engvall. They outta have to wear a sign.

    I like your blog! Funny stuffs!

  5. on 05 Feb 2007 at 12:36 am Hammer

    Are you sure you say no to crack?

    j/k. Hilarious stuff.

  6. on 05 Feb 2007 at 11:56 am Nessa

    Manufacturers are so irresponsible.

  7. on 05 Feb 2007 at 12:06 pm Robin

    Same goes for the front wheels on cars as well.

  8. on 05 Feb 2007 at 12:21 pm Diesel

    Was this near one of those “Slow children playing” signs? Because that would explain some things.

  9. on 08 Feb 2007 at 12:52 am preeety

    you may want to consider that a foreign language (ie, greek, according to the mother) is really too much to take on. I mean, why learn another language if all the world speaks american, ya know? i speak 4 languages, and im not even smart. but i guess…]
    okay, that was mean and judgemental, and im tired (no pun intended) so ill just park by my bed (that i did do) and try to crash (seriously, im on a roll here – again, no pun intended!)
    its 3 am! i need sleep! why cant i? i think ill cry…

  10. on 09 Feb 2007 at 11:00 pm snowjunkie

    oh i miss portland. these signs always made me giggle everytime i saw them.

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