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Archive for January, 2007

Funny Signs

I always love finding funny signs, whether on the net, driving around, or even just signs that people photoshop’d and put in a forum. I think most of these are real (nowadays you never know), but either way they’re pretty humorous:

Buy one brother get another for free
What a deal! She should advertise them on the internet, she might get a better response … oh wait, is that a website name down there?

Great road for bikes
I think I’ll stick to biking on this road.

Telescopes are dangerous!
Seems like they should spend less money on signs and more money on better tripods.

zero percent sale
Now, a special sale for those women who just want to come home and tell their husbands they bought that cute little black dress on sale. Oooh, oooh, pick me, pick me! I love sales! Oops, almost got sucked in there.

Juicy buns fever
For only one pound, and I can have juicy buns fever too? Sounds like a fun restaurant, but hopefully there’s an antidote … the people at work might not appreciate it when I walk in with this malady.

Employees must wash hands
Hopefully this is not a euphemism for any other bathroom activities. If you’re in a restaurant bathroom and see this sign, my suggestion is – RUN. Unless you’ve already eaten, in which case you can rationalize that some short order cook probably thought (s)he was funny and added the quotes with a magic marker.

By now, I’m sure almost everyone reading this has heard of Firefox (or for kids: The Little Browser that Could). You’ve probably also seen the rather boring, but ubiquitous, Firefox logo:
Firefox logo

Ho hum, a fox circling the globe. Obviously, such a boring logo and mascot would not fly in Japan, land of super-cute everything and devices such as the nose stretcher and face slimmer. So the geniuses at Firefox have decided to create a new mascot for the Japanese market … Foxkeh:
Foxkeh playing

That’s right, they’ve chosen as their mascot a Fox who has a perpetual supply of flammable gas … even when sleeping:
Foxkeh sleeping

Only the Japanese could turn a flammable farting mammal into a nationally loved mascot.

To revive the declining fortunes of the Barbie franchise, the marketing whizzes at Mattel have unveiled their newest secret weapon – Tanner the Pooping dog:

Tanner the pooping dog
(thanks cammom)

Now, instead of wasting afternoons playing dress-up and staging makeout sessions between Barbie and Ken, little girls can chase after Barbie to make sure she cleans up Tanner’s mess. As a bonus, Barbie comes with a trash can and a pooper scooper, and Tanner comes with chew toys and dog biscuits. Here’s one of Mattel’s promotional pictures:

Tanner the pooping dog promo

According to Mattel: “Tanner is soft and fuzzy, and his mouth, ears, head and tail move รขโ‚ฌโ€ just like a real dog.”. Tanner also eats its own poop, just like a real dog! While Mattel calls the poop “biscuits”, they neglect to mention what medical affliction causes Tanner to pass these “biscuits” through undigested.

After receiving this toy, I wonder how little girls will start trying to feed their family dog “biscuits” from the backyard.

Funniest laugh ever

This starts out as a regular comedy routine, but 1:45 into it the guy in the middle (the videographer’s father) unleashes quite possibly the funniest laugh ever. As you’ll see, even the comedian can’t keep it together. This was one of the funniest YouTube videos I’ve seen in a long time:

(if you can’t see the video, click here)

Would you sell your name?

If someone were to offer you a couple hundred bucks to change your name (to whatever non-obscene name they chose), would you sell it? I’m talking passport, driver’s license, all legal documents, how friends reference you, everything. Probably not … but what if the offer was for $40,000 or more?

Scott MacDonald (the guy in the picture below) is betting that there’s a huge demand for his name, so he is auctioning his name off to the highest bidder (and, for good measure, giving 10% of the proceeds to charity):
Would you pay this guy $40,000 to change his name?

The current highest bid is just shy of $40,000, with another month to go (the auction ends on Groundhog Day). Here’s a few of the bids so far:

  • $36,789.10 – “Finest Freshest Fastest” (highest as of tonight)
  • $35,001 – “Schenectady New York” (not sure this is the best marketing ploy to turn around poor old Schenectady)
  • $24,123 – “Oprah Winfrey” (oddly, the bidder deals with plastic surgery and is a snowboard afficianado)
  • $4,100 – “Mr.” (his parents would be so proud)
  • $2,222 – “Ian Vestinaustralia” (get it? Maybe our neighbor down under is having financial difficulties too)
  • $5 – “Mr. Clean” (first offer, outbid the next day by “Vanilla Ice”)

So … would you sell? I would, but only if my name could be “SmarterThan TheAverage Bear”. That would make for fun business meetings and court cases, and it easily fits on most legal forms too ๐Ÿ˜‰

I wanted to have a little fun with our year in review, so over the past week Ben and I have been gathering news, videos, and expert opinions on the Most Embarrassing Moments of 2006.

I also want to hear your thoughts, so I removed our top choices on 5 of the 10 categories. Comment on your nominations for Most Embarrassing in these categories and I’ll post the best comments with a link to the site of your choice (if you have one).

Most embarrassing newscast: Channel 6 weather guy
Initially, this was a tough decision. With thousands of newscasters to choose from, our candidates for the most embarrassing numbered in the dozens. Most had incredibly unfortunate/funny Freudian slips (although there were some fights and name calling mixed in), but once we saw this clip, the winner became obvious:

(if you can’t see the video click here)

Most embarrassing celebrity: Britney Spears and crew
2006 must have been a banner year for the tabloids. Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, Madonna’s baby heist, Tomkat, Brangelina, KFed … the list of embarrassing celebrity moments in 2006 goes on and on. However, the most embarrassing had to be Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan’s escapades on their infamous night out. While Lindsay and Paris stumbled around trying to steal the show, Britney had to one-up them both to get the paparazzi’s attention:
Britney goes commando
Anyone get the movie reference? And yes, I realize I need a photoshop tutor ๐Ÿ˜‰

Most embarrassing technology launch: PS3
Sony should write a book entitled “How to completely ruin a successful franchise”. Somehow they managed to create the world’s most powerful piece of poo wrapped in black shiny plastic. No good games, no availability, a $600 price tag, and limited online capabilities made this the big gaming flop of 2006. I now use ours as a potty stand for my two year old. Sure, Sony will rebound later and probably sell millions, but they’re no longer the undisputed console leader.

Most embarrassing fashion trend: grills
grillzNo, not the burn-down-your-house variety, but the type you place over your teeth. Grills (or more fashionably, “grillz”) seem to have hit critical mass this year, at least amongst inner city high school and college kids. Every other hip-hop and rap artist seems to be wearing them. Walk into any McDonald’s (or other common high school workplace) and you’ll probably see at least a few people flashing their “iced out grillz”.

Wondering what they look like when they’re not being worn? Check out Mr. Bling.

Most embarrassing politician: Donald Rumsfeld
How could we choose our modern day Mr. Magoo over President Bush, Mark Foley, Tom Delay, or others? Primarily because Donald Rumsfeld tried to be so serious that you can’t stop laughing at him, and he never seems to do anything right. Making him our top choice also provides me with a great excuse to show this hilarious video courtesy of CBS:

(if you can’t see the video, click here)

And here are the categories where we’re looking for your nominations (we’ll post the best responses here in the post):
– Most embarrassing commercial
– Most embarrassing news story
– Most embarrassing stunt/prank gone wrong
– Most embarrassing public speech
– Most embarrassing musical performance

Best wishes to all in the New Year!

I once read a statistic that 50% of all Americans resolve to lose weight in the New Year. For the vast majority who fail at this resolution, I now have a surefire solution … print out this picture and look at it whenever the urge strikes to eat:
Al Sharpton and Michael Jackson love
(thanks to Stacy for finding the pic)

For anyone wondering, this picture was taken during the memorial service for James Brown. Apparently Al Sharpton was grieving, and Michael just happened to be the closest person to hug. YUCK.

How’s this for a crazy front page story … I guess my drive to work is going to be pretty easy tomorrow!

Strange Newspaper Clipping

Update: Yes, this was a joke. Based on my e-mail responses (and a few comments), it seems like a couple may have fallen for it initially … probably helped that schools were actually out (but due to winter break).

If you want to create your own news flashes, check out The newspaper clipping generator.

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