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Over the past two months, we’ve received a surprising number of questions from all of you. These questions have ranged from the rather mundane (such as “can you plug my poker website” or “who are you?”), to those more appropriate for a site like ours (such as “what is the capital of Zanzibar” or “when can you start showing more pictures of butt cracks?”). While I have answered almost every question by e-mail, I decided to save a few to answer here.

Naf elggarf writes: “If you were a doozer, which one would you be?”
Answer: Hmmm … I’m assuming you mean the doozers from Fraggle Rock? I didn’t realize there were different ones! I’d probably be the angry one, preferably with the ability to fly, beat up fraggles (for wrecking all my doozer cities), and project lightning bolts from my eyes:
angry doozer

Gamer junkie writes: “I just found my older brother’s old Nintendo, any ideas on how I beat Soda Popinski in Punchout?”
Answer: You must have meant this for Ben, as I have NO idea what you’re talking about. My first guess is to spin around and punch him like crazy or make your trainer throw him a few Mr. Pibbs as a distraction tactic. If you want the secret code in Contra though, for some reason I remember that: Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-Select-Start. Fire away.

Anonymous writes: “My wife says that I spend too much time on the computer, any suggestions on how to get her off my back?”
Answer: Something tells me you’re asking the wrong question to the wrong person. But if she’s actually hanging onto your back, maybe I can help. Unfortunately, by now she has probably read everything you’ve written and beaten you to a pulp. If not though, here’s a few suggestions to get her off:

  • Walk into a locker room at a gym … if she’s still holding on, roll around for a little while in the showers. If the locker room is anything like those at Gold’s Gym, she’ll either run before your first forward roll, or disintegrate on contact (if you haven’t already, check out our top 10 things you wouldn’t want to hear in a locker room post for more locker room wrongness).
  • Shave your back hair … I’ve learned that it’s much harder to grab a firm hold on a freshly shaved back. Don’t run out and buy a razor advertised specifically for this purpose, as your wife will probably see through your attempt (after all, she’d probably still be hanging onto your back at the store) and replace the razor with hair curlers to make her view slightly more pleasant.
  • Stop at the bank then the mall. Make sure to walk by all her favorite stores. She’ll forget all about you soon enough. You’ll still get it at home, so while she’s gone you better look up a therapist who can actually provide you with some real help.
  • If you have other questions for us, send them along! 😉

3 Responses to “Time to answer some reader questions!”

  1. on 22 Dec 2006 at 12:09 am Jocelyn

    Another option: place expensive dark chocolate across the room, and then walk away, feeling her body peel and then slither the opposite direction.

  2. on 22 Dec 2006 at 7:50 pm prying1

    Gosh-a-rooney! You get such interesting emails. All I get are offers to enhance anatomical parts I won’t mention since this is a family friendly website. Plus Offers for Home Depot vouchers, notices from Victoria’s Secret. (I know her secret! She’s a hooker…)

    Oh! And offers to hold on to millions of dollars from third world nations while the dead guy’s wife takes a circuitous route out of the country. Lots ‘o fun to write back and propose marraige.

  3. on 22 Dec 2006 at 7:56 pm Anita Bath

    haha – yeah, we get lots of strange questions. I also get between 50 and 100 spam comments a day (almost all for enhancement products for men), time to get a better commenting system I think.

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