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On Jay Leno the other week, Jay was talking about first dates. During Jay’s ramblings, I realized that my last first date was over 10 years ago and that I’d now be the absolute worst person to ask for advice. I can’t imagine how little help I’ll be able to provide my son in another 10-15 years when he starts dating: “If you forget her name, don’t try to make up some cute fake name like ‘Poopsie’ for her.”

While I’d be worthless as a dating coach, I realized I was very good at recognizing the key components for a BAD first date. In particular, phrases that would take a first date from sparks to ashes instantly. Here are my top 10:

10. Don’t worry, the Doctor says it’s just a rash…

9. When we get married we should …

8. Toothpaste? What’s that???

7. You don’t want to know what the voices are saying about you right now.

6. Oh, I’ve had tons of first dates, but golly-gee, I have a feeling you’re gonna be my first second date ever!

5. When I was a woman I …

4. I realize this might seem a little sudden given that we just met … but could I borrow six hundred and fifty three dollars?

3. Sorry I’m late, me and the wife just had a big fight.

2. Do you mind if I record any of this?

1. My Dad says I’m the best kisser in the county (anyone know what movie this is from?)

Bonus: I’m a ventriloquist, mind if I bring my sidekick?
ventriloquist date
(thanks to Mikipedia for the pic)

Your turn … Have any other good ones?

9 Responses to “Top 10 worst things to say on a first date”

  1. on 20 Dec 2006 at 7:55 am Mr. Fabulous

    It’s from one of the Vacation movies, isn’t it?

    Can *I* at least call you “Poopsie”?

  2. on 20 Dec 2006 at 10:42 am Anita Bath

    Of course! I answer to almost any nickname 😉

  3. on 20 Dec 2006 at 12:07 pm Troy Van Dellen

    i dont get it. Are these real?

  4. on 20 Dec 2006 at 12:42 pm Retad Tsrif

    That line was from the first Vacation movie. Randy Quaid’s daughter was talking to Chevy Chase’s daughter.

    The worst thing I ever said on a first date was, “I love Tori Amos too!” Three months later we were married. Now its been 7 years and she still expects me to listen to that garbage with her.

  5. on 20 Dec 2006 at 1:36 pm Anita Bath

    Troy – I’m sure they happened to someone, but my own demented mind came up with this top 10.

    Retad Tsrif – Hahahaha … now I know what to get you for Christmas

  6. on 20 Dec 2006 at 1:42 pm Retad Tsrif

    Don’t even think about it Anita! :)

  7. on 20 Dec 2006 at 2:39 pm Dan

    What? I can’t bring my ventriloquist dummy? Now you tell me!

  8. on 20 Dec 2006 at 8:55 pm Nessa

    I’ve experienced all ten of these from one direction or another, not; D But maybe some of them.

  9. on 17 Oct 2009 at 7:53 pm Euphemia

    But EVERYONE that matters calls me Poopsie!

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