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locker roomIf you’re like me, you sometimes dread going into a locker room. I’m not sure why, but Gold’s gym is the worst. Their locker rooms ALWAYS smell like the inside of a sock that’s been sitting in a broken toilet for a month (no, I’ve never actually smelled such a sock, but that’s the closest my imagination can come to the actual smell). Between work and home, there are four Gold’s, and even the brand new one smells far worse than your typical locker room … yuck.

What’s worse is that the Gold’s locker rooms are always filled with people who want to sit around in the buff chatting away like it’s Starbucks. Do they not realize the more you talk the more you have to breathe??? Or are they trying to prove that they can handle the stench better than their other half naked brethren? Is it a minor victory when they see someone run back to their cars, never to return again?

Maybe … which is why I actually end up putting up with the smell, and even chat a litte. Since I’ve realized that I’m just perpetuating the problem, I’m thinking that the next time I’m at Gold’s (which may be never), I’ll hang up a sign that says YES, this room stinks! You don’t need to pretend that you like it in here”.

Really though, wouldn’t the world would be a better place if filled with such signs? Much more entertaining than “If you leave your lock on the door overnight, it will be cut off and confiscated”.

Given the circumstances, the chatting can be pretty annoying, sometimes even a little unnerving, which is why I’ve put together my list of the top 10 things you don’t want to hear in the locker room:

10. I’m completely unpredictable when people look at me the wrong way

9. Oh no! Anybody see my kid’s pet hamster (or gerbil, mouse, snake, etc)?

8. Ah … there’s no place I’d rather be than right here

7. I forgot my sandwich in the shower, can you grab it for me?

6. While the doctor’s still don’t have a name for it, they said that, luckily, only my feet are contagious

5. I can’t reach my back, can you help dry me off?

4. Ummm … anyone have some a few extra rolls of toilet paper and a mop?

3. Hey! Come here and check this out!

2. Looked like they cleaned up the blood, poor (insert name) … I imagine the imagery by this one would be far worse for men than women

1. I was admiring you in the shower and …

Without getting too graphic, has anyone ever say something similar while you were in the locker room? #10, #9, #4, #3, #2, and #1 are all from personal experience (mostly from high school though). Maybe that’s why I’m so leary of Gold’s now. 😉

14 Responses to “Top 10 things you don’t want to hear in the locker room”

  1. on 21 Nov 2006 at 10:13 am Smoor Rekcol

    11. Can you pick up my bar of soap for me?

  2. on 21 Nov 2006 at 10:50 am Ritardo

    11. Hey mine’s bigger than yours.

  3. on 21 Nov 2006 at 12:47 pm ProLinks

    That is absolutely hilarious! LOL. Number 1 would be very very creepy, though.

  4. on 21 Nov 2006 at 2:33 pm Diesel

    How about “Has anybody seen my underwear? I don’t think these are mine.”

  5. on 21 Nov 2006 at 4:45 pm Anita Bath

    Ewwwwww … Diesel, that would be NASTY. Good one!

  6. on 22 Nov 2006 at 12:20 pm Diesel

    Anita – The credit should go to a grade school friend of mine who actually had that experience. :(

  7. on 22 Nov 2006 at 9:30 pm teahouseblossom

    Hahahahaha..I don’t have any suggestions but I was just commenting to commiserate. I quit my gym 6 months ago b/c I now live close enough to Central Park to run there. But my gym had lots of people who liked to walk around naked. Bad naked.

  8. on 24 Nov 2006 at 3:13 am Güggenflürgen

    2 Words: Gang showers.

  9. on 25 Nov 2006 at 11:39 am Haha

    I heard #3 way back when I was at a summer day camp. “Hey, check this out!” We all turned to look, and one of the boys was pulling in his stomach and watching with glee as his balls rose at the same time. Thanks for digging that memory up, you fiend.

  10. on 19 Feb 2007 at 6:59 am Ryan

    I’ve had #1 and #2 happen before. but #2 happpend the day after a #9….
    also a good one would be: Well…i guess its not as big as people say

  11. on 30 Jun 2007 at 1:03 pm singer

    here mate could yopu hold this for me while i dry my hair, i dont want to go on my feet..

  12. on 30 Jun 2007 at 1:04 pm singer

    here pal i forgot my towel…. can i use ur’s while ur in the shower..

  13. on 30 Jun 2007 at 1:04 pm singer

    my arse is still damp here and i’ve packed away my stuff.. could you lend me your towel..

  14. on 16 Oct 2007 at 11:18 am giggle bunny

    boy…youve got a purdy mouth

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