If you’re like me, you sometimes dread going into a locker room. I’m not sure why, but Gold’s gym is the worst. Their locker rooms ALWAYS smell like the inside of a sock that’s been sitting in a broken toilet for a month (no, I’ve never actually smelled such a sock, but that’s the closest my imagination can come to the actual smell). Between work and home, there are four Gold’s, and even the brand new one smells far worse than your typical locker room … yuck.

What’s worse is that the Gold’s locker rooms are always filled with people who want to sit around in the buff chatting away like it’s Starbucks. Do they not realize the more you talk the more you have to breathe??? Or are they trying to prove that they can handle the stench better than their other half naked brethren? Is it a minor victory when they see someone run back to their cars, never to return again?

Maybe … which is why I actually end up putting up with the smell, and even chat a litte. Since I’ve realized that I’m just perpetuating the problem, I’m thinking that the next time I’m at Gold’s (which may be never), I’ll hang up a sign that says “YES, this room stinks! You don’t need to pretend that you like it in here”.

Really though, wouldn’t the world would be a better place if filled with such signs? Much more entertaining than “If you leave your lock on the door overnight, it will be cut off and confiscated”.

Given the circumstances, the chatting can be pretty annoying, sometimes even a little unnerving, which is why I’ve put together my list of the top 10 things you don’t want to hear in the locker room:

10. I’m completely unpredictable when people look at me the wrong way

9. Oh no! Anybody see my kid’s pet hamster (or gerbil, mouse, snake, etc)?

8. Ah … there’s no place I’d rather be than right here

7. I forgot my sandwich in the shower, can you grab it for me?

6. While the doctor’s still don’t have a name for it, they said that, luckily, only my feet are contagious

5. I can’t reach my back, can you help dry me off?

4. Ummm … anyone have some a few extra rolls of toilet paper and a mop?

3. Hey! Come here and check this out!

2. Looked like they cleaned up the blood, poor (insert name) … I imagine the imagery by this one would be far worse for men than women

1. I was admiring you in the shower and …

Without getting too graphic, has anyone ever say something similar while you were in the locker room? #10, #9, #4, #3, #2, and #1 are all from personal experience (mostly from high school though). Maybe that’s why I’m so leary of Gold’s now.

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