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What if humans had two butts?

question markAll my life, I’ve been intrigued by “What If” questions such as this. Even as a kid, I would drive everyone around me a little nutty with questions such as “What if the sky just stopped being blue?”, “What if we lived on the moon?”, and “what if 2 + 2 actually equalled 33?”. Yeah, I was one of THOSE kids.

Apparently these questions are much cuter coming from a kid than an adult. I sometimes find a few people who love playing my “What If” games, others who look at me like I’m crazy, and the rest don’t say much … they are probably thinking “just smile and move away quietly before you are offered to see the spaceship” (or maybe they’re just being polite).

Here are a few of my favorite “What If” questions that, for some reason, rank high on the ‘walk away quietly’ scale when introduced in casual conversation. I have my own personal thoughts on the answers, but I’d rather hear your ideas and/or “What Ifs” (that is, if I haven’t already scared you off by now) :)

  • What if I had been raised by a friendly llama instead of my parents?
  • What if humans had two butts?
  • What if we stepped through a Willy Wonka-esque teleporter, would our souls still be intact (woah, where’d that one come from)?
  • What if topsoil consisted entirely of shelf stable beef?
  • What if cows could talk, had opposable thumbs, and were smarter than people?

After reading these, if you are now wondering when I’m going to ask you to come back to my spaceship … don’t worry, I didn’t rent one this week. Though I think if I were to go upscale and buy a UFO, it would probably look something like this:
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(thanks to arnet for the pic!)

And as an afterthought … if you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

7 Responses to “What if humans had two butts?”

  1. on 18 Nov 2006 at 9:12 am Nessa

    What if we had our own personal space ships?

    What if I had an evil twin?

    What if men had to give birth?

    What if I was independantly wealthy?

    What if we could prove that I actually travel in my dreams?

  2. on 18 Nov 2006 at 3:11 pm jan

    What if bananas were blue?

    What if chocolate tasted yucky? (oh, perish the thought!)

    What if sunshine were cold?

    What if politician did the right thing?

    What if comedians were the serious ones?

    What if I couldn’t ask what if?

    What if cyber space were the reality and reality was a dream?

    What if everyone could hear what we were thinking?

    What if chickens moo’d and cows clucked?

    What if we shared a ride in that rented spaceship and went to an alien planet and drove all the natives nuts asking them a bunch of what if questions? (Oh that would be so much fun, don’t you think? hehehe)

  3. on 18 Nov 2006 at 3:37 pm Anita Bath

    What if men had to give birth – assuming no change to current male anatomy, I doubt they’d ever be able to walk again after baby #1 … ouch!

    What if I couldn’t ask what if – Jan, I love that one!

  4. on 18 Nov 2006 at 5:31 pm Cameron

    I love this post!
    “What if cows could talk, had opposable thumbs, and were smarter than people?” – Would they still be called cows?
    “What if I had an evil twin?” – What if EVERYONE had an evil twin?!
    However,
    What if ‘what if’ didn’t really mean ‘what if’ instead what if ‘what if’ meant something completely different?
    I think I just blew my own mind?!

  5. on 18 Nov 2006 at 11:11 pm seb

    Haha, I’d love to have a conversation like this. I wasn’t so much of a ‘what’ kid, I was more of ‘why.’ Why is an orange orange? After the person’s answer I would follow up with another why about the answer. It was a vicious circle they could never break out of, muahahhahahaha!

  6. on 19 Nov 2006 at 12:38 am teahouseblossom

    That’s a funny picture. It’s what my last car looked like after one too many times in the shop.

  7. on 19 Nov 2006 at 9:19 am Robin

    Where would the second butt be?

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