Subscribe Now!

Celebrities have a penchant for trying to one-up each other. My theory is that there’s almost no scoop in the tabloids – it’s all planted by the celebrities. In some cases the story or the celeb’s location is probably even leaked by a Public Relations (PR) person who is taking a cut of the paparazzi’s fee.

bjork swanBjork’s unforgettable swan dress? PR. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe breaking up? PR. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaugn being “caught” together over and over again? PR. Britney Spears being videotaped in all types of childish embarassing situations. PR. And most famously, Janet Jackson’s wardrobe “malfunction”? Definitely staged PR.

The common thread is that these celebrities behave erraticly when their careers are flagging. It’s not coincidence that you see Britney and the Olsen twins on the cover of the scandal sheets every other week, but never see anything juicy about rising stars like Scarlett Johansson.

Which brings me to the grand-daddy of all career saving PR stunts: naming your kid something completely bizarre. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Pilot Inspektor Lee – son of Jason Lee (of My Name is Earl) and Beth Riesgraf
  • Apple Martin – daughter of Gwynetth Paltrow and Chris Martin
  • Pirate Davis – son of Devin and Jon Davis (of Korn)
  • Coco Arquette – daughter of Courtney Cox and David Arquette
  • Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette – son of Emily and Penn Jillette (of Penn and Teller)

How could these kids ever make it in school, let alone a public school? Even in Kindergarten, Apple would get taunted relentlessly … “Hey Apple, were your parents Bananas?”, and how do you seriously conduct an interview for a ‘Moxie CrimeFighter’?

Sure, crazy names aren’t confined to celebrities, but ex A-listers seem to have more than their fair share of them. But who knows, maybe ten years from now names like Moxie CrimeFighter and Apple will become as common as some of the “crazy” or unusual names of the past have become today.

Know someone with a funny name, or have a favorite celeb baby name not listed here? Leave a comment to let us know.

17 Responses to “What’s up with crazy celebrity baby names?”

  1. on 07 Nov 2006 at 3:28 am webloafer

    Yeah, great topic, I was named for a celebrity….John,
    Perhaps it was John the Baptist, John the Beloved or Go Johnnie Go.

    Of course the most sung song the year me and my twin brother were born was…”When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again, Hooraw,Hooray”.

    Whew, can’t thank mom and pop enough for not aborting me and my twin brother.

  2. on 07 Nov 2006 at 7:57 am Neil Street

    Great post! Just this year, we’ve had two celebrity babies named Ace, and one named Rocket, as well as the ones you point out!

  3. on 07 Nov 2006 at 12:14 pm Zu

    Actually, Moxie is Penn Jillette’s daughter. His son is named Zolten. Sorry, my geekitude is showing…

  4. on 07 Nov 2006 at 1:50 pm Diesel

    Maybe they figure their kids are bound to be screwed up anyway, so why not give them screwed up names? I’d like to suggest names that more accurately reflect the likely fate of these celebrity children:

    How about:

    Drunken Wannabe Willis-Moore
    Disappointingly Average Cruise-Holmes
    Toothy Pencilneck Martin-Paltrow
    Heroin Shotgun Cobain-Love

  5. on 07 Nov 2006 at 3:50 pm Cameron

    A Yahoo search of “Celebrity Baby Names” yielded this site – http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/myspark/articles.asp?id=534
    How’s this for a mouthful; Henry Gunther Ademola Dashtu Samuel – son of Seal and Heidi Klum.

  6. on 07 Nov 2006 at 6:34 pm Anita Bath

    Diesel – love the names!

  7. on 07 Nov 2006 at 7:30 pm Rev. Qelqoth

    Ted Theodore Hulk Hogan.

    Elton John McClane IV.

    Nazi Paparazzi McCartney Cruise.

    Sloth love Chunk Norris.

  8. on 07 Nov 2006 at 9:16 pm Luke

    I think Pirate is a cool name. Hopefully my wife thinks so…..

  9. on 08 Nov 2006 at 2:03 am MC

    I read an article about Canadians that become famous in the states and their baby naming practices… because for the most part, when they have progeny, they don’t name them weird stuff at all. They give them relatively normal names.

  10. on 08 Nov 2006 at 12:23 pm Diesel

    Luke – I’m gonna name my next kid Pirate Hunter, so your kid and my kid can be nemesises and stuff.

  11. on 08 Nov 2006 at 10:55 pm BOSS

    I know some celeb named their kid Audio Science! What a hoot! Anybody know which celeb?

  12. on 09 Nov 2006 at 2:09 am MC

    Shannyn Sossamon.

  13. on 09 Nov 2006 at 1:25 pm Diesel

    Boss – Was it Mr. and Mrs. Science?

  14. on 22 Nov 2006 at 8:34 am Babypar

    It’s the children I feel sorry for. They have a wierd name so that mummy or daddy could get some attention
    Baby Names

  15. on 08 May 2007 at 2:34 am WordyGrrl

    I once encountered a customer whose name was Rhoda Weiner. Talk about the best drag queen name ever.

  16. on 10 May 2007 at 7:29 pm Robin

    my great uncle’s name was Harry Butts.

  17. on 07 Nov 2007 at 8:22 pm Rev. Qelqoth

    Rhoda Weiner…that’s a good one!

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply