Subscribe Now!

Quick fart jokes

It seems that almost everyone secretly likes fart jokes. Parents who feel obligated to give their kids the dirty eye when presented with some made up story of Johnny breaking wind in class may be telling the same joke to like minded coworkers the next day.

I have no idea what makes these jokes so funny, but we laugh nevertheless. We’ve included a few of our favorite fart jokes below, and hope you have some to contribute as well.

What would you call the definition of surprise?
A fart with a lump in it.

Why do farts stink?
So that deaf people can enjoy them also!

How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
If she farts, her ankles swell.

If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?

What’s invisible and smells like carrots? (this was from a kid)
Bunny farts

How can you tell if a scuba diver ripped one?
Apparently he’ll look like this:
Fart in wetsuit
(thanks to ricmcarthur for this rather bizarre picture … maybe this costume is really meant to ensure he can survive Halloween?)

Finally, a little bit longer one:
Doctor: “So what seems to be the problem?”
Patient: “Doc, I’ve got really bad gas … I just fart all the time”
Doctor: “Hmmm, ok … go on”
Patient: “My farts do not stink and make no sound, but it’s rather alarming that I’m cranking them out all the time. We’ve been here for five minutes and I’ve farted six times. And as I stated, you couldn’t hear or smell them, right?”
Doctor: Picks up his pad and paper, then says “Hmmm … here’s a prescription I want you to fill.”
Patient: “This is GREAT doc! This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”
Doctor: “No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

Have some fart jokes (or similar jokes) that you like? Send them in a comment!

9 Responses to “Quick fart jokes”

  1. on 26 Oct 2006 at 11:51 am Diesel

    I thought you were Russian before you got to the bathroom.

    That pic made me bust up. WTF is up with that?!

  2. on 26 Oct 2006 at 3:53 pm Oskar Syahbana

    The Scuba diver is the most hilarious pics of all! Anyway, thanks for your Eid well wishing, very much appreciated it 😉

  3. on 31 Oct 2006 at 11:25 am Derek

    Excellent! Thanks for the great laugh. I needed that.

  4. on 29 Nov 2006 at 5:13 am liz shelf

    wot do you say to a horse that farts?

    you smelly horse

  5. on 29 Mar 2007 at 12:39 am Fartin Martin

    Lots more fart jokes here:

    …such as:

    A man and his wife went to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man let a total ripping fart go.

    The wife rolled over and growled, “What the heck was that?”

    Martin said, “TOUCHDOWN. I’m ahead, 7 to nothing!”

    A few minutes later the wife let a fly-killing zinger go.

    Martin gasped, “What was that?”

    She replied, “Touchdown. Tie score.”

    Martin lay quietly in bed for 5 minutes, trying to work up a really big one. Before he knew it, something happened – he pushed so hard he crapped the bed.

    The wife asked, “What in the world was that?”

    He replied, “Halftime – time to switch sides.”

  6. on 06 Dec 2007 at 11:51 pm ima fatty fart joke

    those jokes are about the most stupid things ive herd! dude those came out when i was in first grade

  7. on 06 Dec 2007 at 11:52 pm ima fatty fart joke


  8. on 16 Jan 2008 at 3:42 pm yo mama

    that is just a person with a fat suit on duh!!!!!

  9. on 21 May 2008 at 11:11 pm rachel

    what do u call a dirty sock?
    An even dirtier foot!!

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply