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Since when did our world become so dangerous? Apparently everything we eat can be deadly now: fried foods cause heart attacks, pesticides in fruit cause cancer, eating too little fruit can cause cancer, McDonalds food can lead to high cholesterol and a multi-million dollar self documentary, and lactose (from milk) can cause you to explode.

Wait, what’s that last one? Here’s the news flash: if you’re lactose intollerant, milk products have the same impact on your body as a small thermonuclear bomb. Don’t believe me? Check out this warning that was given to Ted:
Exploding from milk
On the positive side, Tim’s unfortunate reaction to lactose is a huge gain for the U.S. military. Why? Because close to 100% of the world’s population outside the U.S. is lactose intollerant. Now that Say No to Crack has revealed the devastating side effects of milk consumption on these people, we predict that the U.S. government will start dropping large quantities of milk , or even whole cows, over our enemies cities in time of war.

Watch out Al Qaeda – you thought cluster and fuel bombs were scary, wait til we drop 10,000,000 gallons of Organic 2% Chocolate milk and some Iowa heifers into your caves!

2 Responses to “Who knew lactose was so dangerous?”

  1. on 14 Oct 2006 at 11:42 pm Ted

    Who’s Tim? 😉

    Seriously, thanks for posting my pic!

  2. on 17 Oct 2006 at 10:48 pm Jake L

    I am allergic to everything. They call me “The boy in the Bubble.”

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